Grateful for the Sacred in All

 

“…(E)ach telling seems to soften that edge, and she grows bolder. And with every story, a little more of her pain slips into that abyss and is absorbed. It turns out the void is not empty after all. It is filled with love.” – Mirabai Starr, Caravan of No Despair As I took my seat on the airplane heading to California to be with my daughter, son-in-law, and my grandsons, I felt both grateful and relieved. A week ago, I did not know if my home on Anna Maria Island would survive the catastrophic hurricane that was forecast to directly hit us. As I evacuated from this storm that was growing in every way imaginable, I prayed. I stayed present in the moment and watched with my heart. Part of me trembled inside while I let go at the same time.  A sense of calm filled me as I sat on the bench at the beach that is dedicated to my husband who passed away 9 ½ years ago. Hurricane Ian was coming right for us, and as I sat in meditation, the unknowable future pushed hard on my heart. Looking out at the calm before the storm, I gave thanks and prayed for us all. I knew in my heart that people all over the world were watching news reports on the storm and sending prayers.       I was fortunate to be able to hunker down with friends off the island. We watched the torrential rains and fierce winds rage. We prayed, we meditated, and we did yoga. We prepared food and we gave thanks. Each moment became an offering of love.  Sometimes praying doesn’t seem enough, so, as I waited, I allowed myself to surrender to hope. Days later, Hurricane Ian made landfall 50 miles south of my home. There, many lost their houses, cars, businesses and even their lives. It could have easily been my island that floated away, but once again we were spared. Many died in this hurricane, which was the worst in 100 years. As we all feel the heartache of these losses, it brings each of us humbly to the hurting hearts of our humanity. Driving back onto the island felt eerie. I hardly saw a soul, and the streets were quiet. Most of the houses were boarded up, and under the gloomy sky, I passed scores of downed trees. Driving was difficult as I moved through the debris left from the storm.  There was no power for days, and yet I felt fortunate. This inconvenience was nothing compared to what people in the path of the storm were enduring. I just had to keep moving forward and, with the help of my son, clean up my mess. Grateful every step of the way, I am so thankful for this precious life. Sometimes we must stop resisting, stop fighting and instead rest in this place within that feels deflated, perhaps drained of all its life force. There we can surrender into the broken part of our own humanity. I was exhausted, so, I surrendered. Reluctantly I go inside, breathe, and give in to the moment. There is nothing else to do but just be here. Breathing into this uneasiness, I receive myself just as I am—this bare, unveiled, human self that has nowhere to go but inside into the depths of this dark, empty space of nothing. Here, right here, is the calling for something that will take away the blinders, the coverings, the beliefs, and misunderstandings that the mind perceives as real.  So, I decided that today I would let go of all these imaginings and come face-to-face with this incredible life that was living in and through me. Even after the devastating storm, everything—every person, every event, every experience—has made me a better person. When I connect with someone, their imprint stays with me and may live within me. All the precious moments with others mold me into the best version of myself.  My soul calls me back to sit inside. Here I realize that while sometimes I have lost my footing—like when I saw the destruction after this hurricane or when my husband, parents and friends died—I touched the dark, cried out my grief and pure, deep, sadness, and with this release, reconnect with Source.  The gentle voice of Spirit speaks to me as I heal my heart. It reminds me how privileged we all are to be a part of nature. Life brings me to the quiet, and I listen inside where the sacred calls me to feel this moment of grace. I know my heart will mend, and I remember that it is my birthright to bloom again, even after the storm. When loss has broken me wide open, I deeply feel the sacred in all that is. And I take action to serve and care for others, so that I can be more compassionate for the suffering of humanity. The world will heal. Maybe we will all wake up and become more conscious of these earth changes and do something about them. In our own lives, we can all become better guardians of our planet. As I watch my youngest grandson, Milo, begin to walk for the first time, my heart cries with the beauty of all that is sacred within each precious moment. Again and again, I am so blessed. I look into the eyes of his older brother, Theo, who smiles as he runs into my arms saying, “Nannie, Nannie!” I lose myself in this feeling of being loved and loving as the divine pours into me because the emptiness has stripped away my attachments. Here I am grateful for the sacred in all things.    With deep thanks and love, Frannie

Intimacy

 

“If somebody were to cut me into a thousand pieces, every piece of me would say that it loves…” -Chris Lubbe Intimacy. Into me I see.    In this world of relationships, I realize that I have arrived more consciously and allowed some fertile ground to bring richness and evolution for my growth. All kinds of relationships—with lovers, sisters, brothers, friends, and children—can bring me so many opportunities to confront all the parts of me. As deeper fears brush up a little closer, I discover patterns, insecurities or behaviors that just need to be noticed or held with tenderness. Can I rest in this moment and not know what will happen? As I sit in the quiet confession of my inner reflection, I feel alive in this moment knowing that as I am honest and true to myself, life is unfolding. This is enough to create space for the sacred to enter, for I am aware of the abundance of life right now. The Beloved loves through me. Awakened into this relationship, I move from the inside and step into this ordinary day as living presence. I am purified by this love as I continue to hold all that is within, the new life and old. It’s all within. The other night, I went to a funky, outdoor venue that reminded me of New Orleans. Looking around the backyard that had art hanging in the trees and murals painted on surrounding houses, this Village of the Arts locale spoke to me in its quaint artistic way. Walking into the gathering of people, seeing familiar faces, and connecting with new ones, I feel the steadiness within me, even in these uncertain times. Resting in the power of this moment, I feel a connection. This union feels so natural as the music becomes the thread that joins us together. Biscuit Miller’s jazzy blues, his soulful singing, passionate guitar playing, and chill dance moves, get my feet tapping and my hands clapping to the music. Soon I just have to get up and dance with this energy that is moving through me and everyone else. As I look at the smiles on the faces of my friends, I am grateful that into me I see something being birthed—a joy that presence gives me because who I am inside is deeply in love.

A Love Letter Poem to Myself   Here, inside, I open and let love take up room in my heart. I rise through my awareness of what is, not leaving myself but allowing the truth in.   It takes great courage to ask the questions that clarify the truth. Am I important to you? Are you ready to give up your secrets and share your life with me? Do you know that if you show me that you are open to allow this powerful force of energy to flow between us, I will swim to you!   This is well being. This is my ability to love deeper and to appreciate these moments as I move through my senses discovering my greater, independent self. This is beautiful— To arrive here amidst the conditions of my world, leaning into me, into my ability to respond from a more awakened state.   This external world can bring me more in touch with all the hidden parts of myself that call me home to my heart.  Even when I am not feeling a perfect harmony inside of me, I can still care for another even if it is not reciprocated.   I open to the emptiness that seems to house my soul and begin again through the transformation that has taken place. Even the broken pieces are held with the Grace of God.   I rise through it, and out of my inner being, I connect with the Spirit of God’s love, which connects me to everything. All is possible here. All is received in this sacred encounter within, where the Divine energies of Spirit serve me and all humanity.   Everything we seek is always inside. This love awaits my return. Alas, as I come into me, I find this compassion for all I have been through, and the qualities of my own inner being shine! Namasté, Frannie

Fly Free in the Garden of Your Heart

 

“Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.” - Mary Oliver I gaze down at my phone, reading a text from my girlfriend Janet that her sister Shirl is in a coma. My heart seems to stop for a few seconds with this shocking news. I go outside to my favorite spot in the garden to pray. I lean into my thoughts of her as memories pour into me. Those moments when her eyes would get so big and full of passion as she talked about moving to Italy and learning the Italian language. Her fiery spirit, so full of conviction for humanity and animals, always touched me deeply. I loved how she would help me in my garden and always knew exactly how to do those things that needed to be done, like fixing my sprinkler system. Her nickname was Shirl Bird, given to her by her father.               A couple of days later, I hear from Janet that Shirl had died. I go outside and listen to the quiet and feel the preciousness of life. Suddenly a mockingbird begins to sing loudly as the wind begins to blow stronger against the branches of the Bismarck palm behind me where the bird is sitting. A mockingbird sings the song of many birds and as the songs gets louder, I acknowledge that this is the spirit of my friend. In that moment, calmness happens inside me and the wind settles down. The tears come easily, as I think of her and her family. Shirl’s beautiful spirit, with such childlike innocence, fills my garden with her energy. The bird’s music gets louder, as I listen more deeply. I hear Shirl say, “I’m okay. No worries! Be happy sweet family for I am flying free. Be Happy.”    My body is vibrating in this feeling of Oneness with Spirit as her voice touches me like the sounds of the mockingbird that continues to sing. I am wrapped in the most beautiful sounds of this living world as I lean into the vastness of this endless sky that is within and around me. I feel the love of my dear friend who has dropped her body. The tears begin to flow.    This is the mystery. The undeniable presence where the secret of death is, by no mistake, hidden from us. This I acknowledge as I enter the moment with my breath, aware of my fear of death. I arrive at the doorway of all my feelings. I sit inside this human experience remembering when my husband Steve departed, remembering when my mother and father took their last breath. Remembering the moment when death took away my loved ones and the loneliness and absence of their life brought grief like nothing else could.    Walking the beach, the sounds of the waves alight inside of me. I commune with all that is present as nature untangles my busy mind. I soften my gaze as I come back to myself, come home to where I belong, to the of comfort in my own heart. I trust in my humanness and allow my heart’s truth to be revealed. I receive the invitation to glimpse the fullness of my own presence and express it in ways that create and give thanks to the Divine. This greater generous heart takes a deep breath and says yes, I am here, as the space inside opens and the sacred whispers, “Do not be afraid…”.

I arrive in the quiet solitude of my own inner world. No one can see what I see as I move deeply into the unknown. Under the surface I move deep in my core where I dwell. I face my fears of dying. My breath wraps around me so tenderly. The shy, quiet soul is tucked away inside this presence,  where Spirit meets my humanity.   Namasté with love, Frannie

Opening To So Much More

 

“We all know the truth: more connects us than divides us. But in times of crisis, the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.”- King T’Challa, from the Black Panther Marvel movie I hear the bird screeching outside the window as the sound of my grandson running through the hallway wakes me up. Life, this beautiful precious life, fills me up as I reach deep inside my heart this early morning. The gentle nudge of a new day touches me in vulnerable places. Nothing needs to hide me from these intimate feelings that trickle into my awareness as I breathe and lean into myself.    It takes great courage to look at ourselves with tenderness. Can we experience this part of ourselves and be honest with what we are feeling even if we are scared, feeling like crap or just disappointed in our own ability to start again? When we don’t know how it’s all going to work out, can we be okay with not knowing?  I embrace being fully human and awake as I move into the life that is here today and open these doors that are in front of me or within me. How many times do we have to fall before we learn the lessons we need to rise again? The last couple of years has not been a walk in the park. Until I learn with great humility to accept that it hasn’t been easy for me at times, and I am sure for all of you too, I can surrender into the open mind and heart that can relax and allow it all to be. Not grasping outside to save the world but connecting to this deeper self that ponders about how my actions impact another person. So, I wonder dear friends, how are you? I ask this because it has been a while since my last newsletter. I know without a doubt that we are all connected even if we don’t see each other or speak. I pray that you are well and that you continue to honor what is true as you listen to your own inner voice.  It’s been quite a journey we have all been on. As our world begins to reopen, it feels like we’ve all been on a sacred pilgrimage. For a while, a new normal took hold. Now, I no longer think about washing my hands every time I touch anything anymore. I got through these past years and days and moments by hanging on to what gets me through all the dark times of my life. My own practice of meditation or just breathing deeply can be a natural tranquilizer. Why do we have such shallow breath or no breath at all when we are in anxiety or fear! Let’s face it, as Pema Chodron so beautiful says, “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”  I like to get down on my mat daily to stretch and feel myself in my body. I stay long enough within myself until the shaky, vulnerable self gently opens to the feeling of softness and peace. I fill my fridge and countertop with foods that not only feed my eyes but also feed my heart, soul and my stomach.  I feel the appreciation of it all as I think of those who can’t feed themselves or their children. My mind wonders about the people of Ukraine, facing so much that war time brings, and I pray. I write in my journal daily, even if it is only a few lines. I just love that feeling of putting my hand on my pen and watching how a part of myself spills onto the paper with the ink. It’s like I empty myself to be filled with a silence that quiets me but thrills me at the same time like this fresh air that comes through the window. It’s like the door opening wide and some great wise master takes up room in my being. Where did she come from? This higher self that is in me guides my way like parting the sea to let in something that is already there under the surface. It’s amazing how these challenges that have been upon us all – isolation, sickness and suffering of all kinds – pushed us all into places we never have been before. I had COVID three times and each time it was a difficult thing to move through.  How grateful I am to be able to feel the calmness flow through my veins no matter what is going on in this body or world of mine. Maybe it’s because when the fear or anxiety or just plain old exhaustion hit me hard, I breathe in that feeling that only faith can give me. All the tools I have developed and acquired through a life dedicated to my inner world have helped me learn to surrender and accept. Through this acceptance, I could keep going and see how the Universe brought what I needed, even if what was here was hard to face. It's Spring! I feel this burst of energy as my own heart blossoms like the hibiscus and bougainvillea trees I just planted. The brilliant colors and the smell of jasmine is so intoxicating as I take it all in with all my senses. There is life everywhere!  There is you and there is me. We dance within the shadows of our past, remembering the stirring of love that bring us to an open concerto. Can we listen to the sweet song of our souls as we choose to merge into the One melody that only our hearts can hear? Be free, sweet love, and let the inner knowing wrap you up into its embrace. The calling to the deeper knowing brings forth a new dawn. It’s all good.  It is all for the good, for the love that is spoken speaks loudly in the silence of the sweet melody unleashed. Never forgotten- Only remembered again and again,  opening to so much more! Namasté Love, Frannie