Come Walk With Me

I invite you to choose to turn inward with me into a world that waits patiently for your return. I welcome you into your sacred heart where love abides. I ask you to surrender the battles within and rise up through the ashes of your past as we join together in oneness. We are not alone. We all have countless beings that move along this path with us. Everyone talks about the ending of duality. It is now. To join forces within as the ego loses its power in the conscious connection to who we truly are. Each of us are children of God. Each of us are worthy to walk the path that lights the way for all.

There is such ugliness in the world. There are senseless wars, murders, hunger, and diseases that we cannot understand. There is so much pain and suffering and darkness that can stop us from wanting to venture ahead in life. It seems endless and overwhelming. These senseless acts that awaken us, the battles that we create when all it is we truly want is peace. It all seems so difficult when we think that we have to do it alone.

Each of you have a responsibility to move into your own battles within. To touch deeply your own pain and suffering and release it. To let it go as you hold it with unconditional love. To see that everyone is a reflection for you as you let your true nature be realized. To drink in this new day as if it was the first day of your life and ask within to be guided by the spirit of your own understanding. To listen deeply to the silent place with the mind that welcomes a new moment to see with the eyes of your heart. You have the opportunity to share a gift of life today.

This is the time that you have been waiting for; to enter into your lives with great consciousness. Allow the presence that gives life, to touch the world through each one of you. It happens one step at a time, one breath at a time, one thought at a time. It is waiting for you to show up and believe in yourself. To take the hand of love that created worlds and let it move you into the day with a greater knowing that you can choose this life you are a part of.

Listen deeply to the way spirit speaks to you. Listen to the way you are shown the simple truths that only the heart can embrace. Let yourself see with these inner eyes that observe this life as another moment where light is woven into the tapestry of every event and life circumstance and every person on your path. Here you will see the reflection of an inner world that knows only peace. Let us join together singing praises to the Universe where God lives within every part of creation.

( Meditation from upcoming book: Three Voices, One Truth www.3voices1truth.com) 

All my love, 

Frannie

As The Clock Ticks

Hummingbird…
Come to me and spread your joy
I am the nectar you crave
I will bloom and become more
Because of the love you share.

It is always an honor for me to be brought to the bedside of the dying. Each beautiful soul prepared me so I could be present with my mother as she transitioned from this world one and a half years ago. I cannot imagine how fearful I might have been had I not been with these great teachers who showed me how to embrace the dying process.

Months ago my father had brief moments on the other side. He would stop breathing for quite a while as we would stand near him wondering if this was it. Would he return or now choose to leave? He came back saying he saw mom, and she told him that she forgave him and God forgives him too. Another time, he said, with great clarity that after he dies he would come back as a hummingbird. He was excited with this knowingness and asked each of his children to get a hibiscus tree and plant it near a window because, as soon as he could, he would visit us.

Now the doctor has announced to my father that there is nothing that can be done for him and he has given Dad permission to let go and die.

As I lay awake in the wee hours of the night, my mind shows me a life review with my dad. I see him when I was young as he turns his head and smiles at me. Years stream by as I watch this slide show of moments that I have forgotten. They rise up in me without using my thinking mind. The story unfolds from deep within me as I hold myself tenderly and feel the deep love.

How great it is to remember this love and the sweet moments with Dad, like when I would jump up on his lap when he was sitting in his favorite lounge chair. I can still feel him holding me. He was young and strong. It is always amazing to me that the body does not know that this moment of feeling was decades ago. I let the feeling bring me to my heart and connect deeply to this love that will never die.

As the clock ticks and the days slip by, I realize that we are all moving closer to our own transition.

I cannot imagine a life without knowing about my spirit. This incredible life, with all of its ups and downs, has given me the opportunity of inner growth which has helped me to become the person I am meant to be. Each day I live knowing that every moment can unfold divinely. I have learned to trust instead of trying to control (unsuccessfully) out of fear. Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chodron continues to remind us to turn inward to the fear; to sit with it and let the feeling of unworthiness be there. Can we hold ourselves tender-heartedly and just be okay with this feeling?

Sitting beside the friends who welcomed me into their last stages of life in a body, I was shown the gift of living in the now. Filling the moment with useless chatter had no place there.

These moments were holy, and the silence between us spoke louder and clearer than any words or thoughts could possibly convey. I would listen inward and hear the importance of the moment.

I can say to you right now that I am not afraid of death. I have been shown the other side, or rooms on the other side, of the veil. As I move more deeply inside my own connection to myself, I’m moved beyond the confines of my human body. This feeling is so freeing. Here I feel that we are so much more than these bodies, that we are not alone. Here is where we can be fully present within our own hearts as we join with the heart of all creation.

The dying process is not always about leaving the human body. This transition can occur when moving out of relationships, jobs, or old beliefs that do not serve us. With my father’s dying process, I feel my attachments to him and wonder who I will be when he leaves. Sometimes I wonder if that’s when we really grow up when we become orphans. Upon emerging from my grief over my mother’s passing, I noticed a shift; a new sense of self. How will I feel after Dad goes?

As I sit at the bedside in the last days of my father’s life, a hummingbird appears, drinking the sweet water from the bird feeder that stands bedside the hibiscus plant outside the window. My brother said to me that Dad knows who he will be after he dies, and maybe I am the flower he craves.

This transformational experience can be as simple as moving inward to allow more of your spiritual self to be consciously embraced as who you truly are. Then the lies that once held you prisoner begin to lose their hold. Old aspects of self that are chained to past pain and dysfunctional behavior can die away. The cycle of life and death bring endless opportunities for us to be more fully connected and more fully here. These moments unfold all around us in this worldly life and can focus our awareness on the spiritual life that is always a breath away.

As I look at my father, his eyes wide open yet he is in a deep sleep. I keep speaking to him because on some level I know he hears me. I thank him for this beautiful life that I have because of him. How grateful I am that my father always received my gifts and allowed me to be myself. Even though he doubted his own relationship with God, he never held me back.

I look out of the window as the hummingbird continues its mission to bring joy. It is quite a show outside Dads window as a blue jay and chipmunk eat out of the same bowl and a swan gracefully glides close by. Dad opens his eyes and sees me.

With a weak voice he says, We had a wonderful life together, didn’t we?

Now the tears are uncontrollable as I rest my face upon his chest. The hummingbird is right there as my father and I taste the sweet succulent nectar of love. I feel this timeless place where I commune with all that participates in these precious moments that will never be forgotten. Looking into his eyes I whisper, “Go now to the light my sweet Father and know that your children are just fine.”

Now days later, as I walk down the country road in Abadiania, Brazil just hours after my father’s passing, I look up at the hibiscus trees that line up on the road beside me. There he is, the biggest and most beautiful hummingbird showing its beauty as it hops from one branch to another. My body vibrates as if I have plugged myself into a light socket and the love pours through me. Hello my dad, thank you for coming. In deep gratitude I cry joyous tears.

This story was published in Transformation Magazine's July 2011 issue: www.suncoasttransformation.com

My Daily Palette

I consider myself an artist. As a child I wanted to be an art teacher because I loved to draw and paint. When I was asked by my 4th grade teacher to stand before the class and share with the other children what I wanted to be when I grew up, I searched inside my heart and found what I believed would be my calling.  I never truly became an art teacher in the school system. Instead I inspired my own children to create in their own ways. I opened my home to their friends as we did after school programs creating in all kinds of art forms. For years I held meditation circles, helping others to open up to the energy within, that helps one to see themselves in the light of truth.  I just wanted to share what had inspired me to get in touch with creation within. To help another to change their thinking to support their hearts helped me to live on purpose.

Life seems to set us up with our own palette of experiences.

We have so many choices in how we perceive what is in front of us. We can move inside and feel it all and allow the resistance to melt away as the light begins to shine the colors of new opportunities and ideas.  Here each of us can paint another picture of ourselves and the life we desire to live.

Drawing, painting and writing seem to be what inspired me to create from the insides of myself and communicate what I am feeling. I don’t always fulfill my own wishes as life pulls me in all sorts of directions. Yet, whenever I choose to sit down with myself and be open to what I am feeling as I ground myself in the energy that begins to flow through me, I want to express this life that seems to be touching every cell of my being.

Meditation is a way to soften what we think we are seeing. It helps us to let go of the looping mind that wants to create from the past. As we are aware of our breath and breathe consciously in to the body, we can let go of what is hanging on so tight. We can feel the comfort of spirit holding us up as we surrender deeper into what calls our name. Then, without control, we become an opening. The senses come alive and the voice of silence whispers softly to our hearts. There is a comfort here for we realize how we have been distracted from our deepest calling to just be here now. We feel at home once again within the chambers of our heart. Listening deeply we begin to see with more clarity. This is the food that gives life.

When I allow myself to move inside in this way, it feels like I am communicating with a higher state of being that is present within me whenever I am with myself for more than a few minutes. To deeply connect to the stillness within me is like paddling down the river at my cottage in Northern Ontario, as every stroke of the paddle brings me to where I will anchor myself to the shore as I pull my boat up on the rocks. Here is where I can sit in silent pleasure. Listening to what calls me inward as the voices of spirit dance all around me, and within, like a familiar song.

This day is always for me. To paint on the canvas of my mind and heart. To deliver myself into the flow of the river of life that is unfolding before my very eyes. What will I see? How will I meet the world that gives me back to myself, again and again?
I have so many choices as how to participate with the day. I could easily be pulled into another’s drama and how easily this happens because I care for so many. Yet, for me, I do know that I can observe the outer experiences that unveil themselves at every turn. With compassion my heart can hold another as I share what is spilling out of me as love and understanding.

It is a world filled with challenges and struggles. It is a world where there seems to be one battle after another and sometimes the heart closes to hope in the darkness of all of the tomorrows. I see it all around me and sometimes it is overwhelming and all of the joys are hidden by the pain and suffering of another or of our own conflicts within the mind.

It isn’t for me to fix the world. Why would I be so arrogant to think that it has to be changed? I think this would be an endless task. I choose to believe that it is my own state of being that desires to be brought back into balance. The world will continue to be as it is and for me it can be a great reflection from moment to moment.

It is wonderful indeed when I can change my focus to create from what feels good inside of me. To find that sweet spot within my heart that always calls me home to what is flowing with great ease. It is where I create from and begin to see with the eyes of truth. Here I breathe deeply to understand that all is moving in its own way to become something. It is out of my hands and put into the hands of God who always knows so much more than me.

Just take a look around you. Look at the way the sun reflects on the trees. See the colors of the leaves and the flowers bursting out in the early morning light. Drink in the sounds of nature creating at its very best as we bow to the One who paints this incredible backdrop for our day to unfold.

And for you my friend, it will unfold. We can’t imagine what will be given today; this new day opens you up to so much more.
A day that holds the mystery.

I pray for peace and call forth the ever present hand of God to touch you in ways that take your breath away. To see that every part of life has a gift to share with you and may it help you see and feel the love that creates worlds.

Today I paint a picture in my heart that fills me up with the power that moves me from the inside to the outside. In the authority of my spirit I stand strong in the knowing that all is well within my mind as I grow fully into the light of this new day that joins my heart with all humanity.

This story was published in Transformation Magazine's June issue: www.suncoasttransformation.com

I’ll See You Again

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” -Rumi

Sitting in the overcrowded plane, I feel confined and bothered by the noises that seem to get louder and louder. I learned years ago that the distracting noises, like a dog’s incessant barking or my husband’s snoring need not take me away from my inner peace. I shut my eyes and move inside to find solace. I take a deep breath and begin to drink in the sweet presence that is waiting for my connection.    

When I open my eyes I feel more comfortable. As I press my forehead against the window, “the sky’s the limit” echoes inside my head. The icy cold window sends shivers up and down my spine while the site of land meeting sky takes my breath away. 

Just this morning I was at my family’s cabin in Northern Ontario where the earth was covered with a blanket of snow. Outside blue jays, finches and a black squirrel were eating the seeds placed each morning on the deck. My father likes to sit at the window in his wheel chair and watch these delightful creatures. 

But last night, dad had difficulty breathing and today he looks weak in spirit and body.  Usually he laughs with joy at the frolics of the squirrels and birds but this morning he is not interested in the show. I feel his struggle as he tries to feed himself and it pushes hard on me. I take his spoon and carefully place the warmed peaches in his mouth. 

It’s again time to say goodbye, which brings tears to my eyes. My heart is heavy as I focus inward and ask, “Is it okay to leave?” Just days ago my father was on deaths door but yet again he rallied. He has defied all the doctors, nurses and caregivers. His will is beyond anyone I have ever met.

As I stare out of the window, there sits before my father a huge black Raven. My sister calls out “maybe this is a sign that we should not leave?” In dream books the Raven symbolizes fear of the unknown. That is surely true here. I listen inside and allow spirit to lead me. 

“No, it is time for us to leave dad now,” I reply. This decision is such a courageous act for both of us. His wish to die at home has come at great sacrifice for all his children. Although we care for our dad with loving, willing hearts, we feel the toll it has taken both physically and emotionally. It was time to trust the messenger, the Raven, to bring us the energy, courage and strength to move forward, instead of fearing this bird and letting our inner darkness take over. 

Alone with my father in his bedroom, I look into his eyes and tell him I am leaving. He seems unconcerned. I realize that he thinks that Colleen and I are leaving him to fend for himself. I bring in the care giver and show him that he will not be alone. 

After she leaves, I take his face into my hands and mouth the words, “I feel sad, I may never see you again.” I cry and I lay my head upon his chest feeling deeply how hard it is to say goodbye. I sink into the warmth of his skin and take in the moment.  He looks at me and says, “Oh well.” He looks away and shrugs his shoulders. 

I want him to grab me, hold me, tell me that I am the greatest daughter and thank me for stopping my life and coming to be with him again and again. I breathe in and feel the truth that my heart brings me. He loves me. I can’t imagine how it would be for me if my child was leaving my bedside during my last days. I am sure I would be much more dramatic. Instead my father speaks the words that he has said over and over again, “maybe I will get stronger tomorrow.”  

As I leave my child hood home, I look around and I am grateful for this time with my dad. I loved cuddling up with him and watching one of his favorite movies of all time, “The Bridges of Madison County.” Tears rolled down his face as he remembers my mother and their life together. A thought enters my mind - I will continue to come back to him until the moment he let’s go to be with my mother.

When I arrive home I read up on the Raven. The message on the medicine card confirms for me that I was listening to my inner guidance: Raven is the messenger of the void, the seeking of answers that brings an awakening. It also can bring in the new state of wellness as the Raven is the courier to bring that energy flow. A new state of wellness! 

Could that be for my dad? The animal cards I have referred to for years tell me that there is the power of the unknown at work, and something special is about to happen.  The deeper mystery, however, is how you will respond to the moment. Can you recognize it and use it to further enhance your growth?  

As I recall the last moments at my father’s bedside, I could have been devastated by his inability to recognize my needs. Instead I felt my saddened heart and stepped into the light of my spirit. Standing strong in the authority of myself I did not need him to be my source. I looked at my father and saw his need: To be loved just the way he was. My connection to spirit was guiding my way and holding me in great love. I looked into his eyes without saying any words. There I was held by a limitless love that touched my heart. I was meeting him in that field that Rumi spoke about. I waved goodbye.  

Unfortunately, the voice of spirit is not always the dominant voice of the world.  When fear is louder than love, it takes a conscious effort to let the presence of light dissolve the darkness. Fear has no power when we pray to God to be our source.

The Raven showed me that I could trust the mystery. This life that continues to be living within my father seems unlimited as I allow unconditional love to help me see the healing taking place for both of us.

This story was published in Transformational Magazine's May 2011 issue:

www.suncoasttransformation.com

Earth and Heart Entwined

To be of the Earth is to know

the restlessness of being a seed  

the darkness of being planted

the struggle toward the light

the joy of bursting and bearing fruit

the love of being food for someone

the scattering of your seeds

the decay of the seasons

the mystery of death

and the miracle of birth

 ~John Soos

 

 

The Gospel of Thomas reminds me: If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."     

               

I had just returned home from being with my dying father when I received the news that my friend Gene was in his final days at a local Hospice House. My shadowed heart felt sad and heavy, blocking the sunlight of my spirit.  Dialogue with myself and my higher self, opens me to what is within. Writing helps me to release and renew.  And so I write:

 

From the window that looks out into my garden the earth teaches. It just happened to be one of those days you want to be outside. All was a glow in warm, sunny golden light. Glancing at the side yard lawn; it is completely covered with at least 100 or more blackbirds grazing in the grass. I ask "what does it mean? What is the message?"   

 

No need for loud drum rolls! Nature's touch is gentle and I hear her whispers. I am humbled by the simplicity. In the garden surrounding the birds; flowers are bursting forth their magnificence, plants are spreading roots and dropping seeds, blossoms are sprouting on the fruit trees and the air is filled with the fragrance of a splendid spring day. The earth calls us to approach with reverence as she shares her secrets of release and renewal.

 

Easter is upon us and is the season of release and renewal. As plants emerge from the earth, we move towards our spirit. The cycle of life brings us to what never dies.  Awakened to this earth where God is ever present.

 

When overwhelmed by the emotional burdens of difficult circumstances (especially the death of those close to us) it is hard to believe that God or goodness can accompany us here. When not understanding, open the heart to the earth's lessons and be fed and allow it to speak to you.

 

I decide to stop what I am doing and I move towards the beach which is two blocks from my home. I feel pulled as I allow this inner calling to bring me to the water's edge. I look around and take a deep breath in. I never get tired of the beauty. My heart is filled with gratitude that I listened to the way God spoke to me through the birds and nature. The earth feeds my soul.  I settle into my chair and close my eyes as I sink into the earth with a sigh of relief. This is no place to read, write or think. There are no thoughts as I descend into my chair as I feel my tired body.  Once again I look out at the sea and I fall into its spell. With every breath I become open and empty as I release my mind.  My bare feet find its way into the sand as my toes dig in and the warmth covers my skin with a feeling of connection.  I listen to the sound of the wind against the leaves on the trees and the wave's crash against the shore with its own rhythm.  I feel at home here.

 

This earth and all that inhabits it, like the sand, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds, are our companions in the dance of life.  We sometimes forget this and as human beings we are too busy with our private agendas and believe that we must fight for what we need.

 

 There are many sacred places of power where I have traveled; like Mt. Shasta, Hawaii, Sedona and even my lake front property in Northern Ontario. Yet if you just stand still on the ground where you are and open yourself to all possibilities, you can feel the earth's healing energy and hear ancient wisdom.

 

Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling 'at home' wherever you are. The earth is always present and when we return to the heart, we receive the gift of life that feeds our soul.

 

If you feel that life is overwhelming, take your shoes off and feel your toes in the sand or just go out and hug a tree. While you are at it, see the word earth written in your minds' eye. Take the letter 'h' and move it in front of the 'e'. Now what do you see? ♥

This story was published in Transformational Magazine's April 2011 issue:

www.suncoasttransformation.com

True Beauty Revealed

I walk into the house with a cloud hovering over my head. The feelings within me seem to be sticking to my insides like glue. This stagnant energy keeps me from flowing.  I know this familiar feeling inside of me needs my attention.

     

I am mindful as I start to cut vegetables. Each piece of lettuce reflects colors of greens as I take the carrots and begin to grate them. The colors are rich and full of life. Yet my mind wants to loop into insane thoughts of doom and gloom. It isn't pretty inside and nothing about the moment feels beautiful.

Making the evening meal is my "chop wood and carry water" ritual. I use this activity to help me stay present in the moment. Tonight my husband, Steve, is right beside me, doing his part in preparing this meal. He has no idea that I am filled with difficult emotions that are trying to surface. As I breathe in, I allow them to spill out.

I still do not understand where they are coming from. My day was wonderful. Each client that walked into my office gave me the gift of presence. I know better than to try to figure this out. I just feel myself as I continue to prepare dinner. I admit to my husband that I feel funky.   

                

As I touch the pain with acceptance, tears begin to roll down my face.

As I make this connection, I recall the sad news from the night before. I found out that my childhood friend was killed in a tragic car accident. I was not in contact with her since I was a young girl but nonetheless her sudden death has rocked my world. She was the same age as me and now she has left her family without any warning. It's so sudden and heart breaking.

As I become more grounded, I feel some relief come in. Life isn't always giving us a bouquet of flowers, is it? No matter how desperate we may feel or how hopeless our lives may seem, the fact remains that loss and sorrow are a part of life. Yet if we do not cling to our sorrow, the next wave of feelings could be joy because life is always changing. The ebb and flow of our experiences lift us up then bring us to our knees with constant reminders to return to our genuine selves.

How precious this day is. My husband holds me silently and gives me space to reflect. Being quiet within for these moments lets my inner self surface. As I share myself honestly this intimate moment shows me how safe it is to be my authentic self.

Out of the blue, Steve puts on the oldies. As music of the past fills the air, he begs me to lip sync to the song "Big Girls Don't Cry." I feel my resistance as he tries to pull me into a playful mood.  A part of me wants to stay in misery.

At the same time, the song filling the room is also filling me up with sweet memories of the past. I slowly feel a smile rising up into my heart as I begin to shake my booty and dance around like there is no tomorrow. We dance around like giddy little children. He looks at me with the eyes of devotion - it does not matter that my hair is pulled back, I have not a stitch of makeup on, I am in my sweaty exercise clothes. I feel the love moving through the moment as he gazes upon me. In his light I feel beautiful. Not because of what I look like, but because I have held myself in all my humanity. I am not covering up anything within. As I let my authentic self be seen and held, the hurt I embraced becomes joy. It always starts within. 

   

If we can open up to the moment, like a flower opens to the sun, we will feel the warmth shine upon us from the inside.

When we are busy running around surviving the best way we can, our defenses keep us closed up. Then life - like the tragic death of a friend - breaks through our defenses, and causes us to face our own immortality.

These feelings can bring us to our knees, to where nothing feels beautiful. Yet when we hold ourselves with complete acceptance, we allow the love to move through in ways we can never fully comprehend or even try to express. There is a peace that overrides the fear of being in a world that has no real security. When we enter inside into the present moment, presence fills us up and there is space for the light to enter.

Think, for a moment, about the web of a spider. This intricate web could not be seen without light shining upon it. It is the sun's rays that reveal its amazing beauty. Similarly, we can look upon the nearest face again and again, and never see its loveliness.  But when we open ourselves to the light, its beauty is suddenly revealed. The gentleness of our heart allows us to see and be seen. The body is the receiver and the eyes are the beholder. Life is beautiful again because we went through the darkness with a conscious effort to remember who we truly are and why we are here.

I pray to stay conscious and aware of how precious life is. When I look deeply inside and I am still, I can open up like a flower and receive the light of the sun.  The fragrance is the essence of my being that touches the world without effort.

Look into the mirror and take off the masks you've been hiding behind for so long.  This courage to trust your own vulnerability will enable you to see your beauty gazing back at you.  This is authentic living. 

There is no time to waste.

Enter inside and taste

the flavor of your humanity.

Receive yourself just the way you are.

With this acceptance

allow what wants to move through you honestly.

Your uniqueness is the spice of life.

Who you are is a part of a beautiful love story.

Your daily life is your temple

and when you delight in taking care of yourself,

oh what a beautiful life you weave. 

Your eyes are the window to the soul.

See the beauty in all that is in your world.

Wake up and go outside and share this light

as this power within illuminates others around you.  

This story was published in Transformational Magazine's March 2011 issue: www.suncoasttransformation.com

A Love Letter From The Heavens

I listen inside, embraced by the light of presence. I hear the sound of silence and I drink in the moment that gives me all I ask for. As I am quietly guided deep inside myself, I am content to receive with gratitude this abundance of energy that allows me to sit within this sacred chamber of my heart.

Listen to the messages that can be heard by the heart. Listen to the One that waits patiently for your return. Listen sweet child of the earth as heaven awaits the touch of your being. In this holy moment you are wrapped in the stillness that holds the answers to all the questions of your mind and heart. Like when the curtain on the main stage is about to go up, there is anticipation for the truth to be revealed as the light shines bright on all you see.

I return to this place, allowing presence to show me the way. God is here in all her ways as I take this hand that wants to guide me. It is hard to define God as a he or she or it. God is everything and nothing at the same time. God is a power that moves through us as gently as an ocean breeze or as fiercely as a tidal wave. Each day I come to my heart, kneel before the altar of my mind and ask to receive all that desires to be born through me. As I listen with devotion, I hear the words, "take my lead, and follow me."

We all have read countless books that have inspired us to heart-centered living. These self-help books show us another way. We are so blessed by these souls who have pioneered the way. These teachers lived their lives committed to changing their experiences of this world.  Now is the time to take all this information that we have digested and make it our own.

How do we walk in our ordinary lives with our hearts wide open moving from the inside to the outside? Simply take the hand of Spirit and allow God's voice to guide the way though every moment of our day. We are here to live it -  to be the vibrational match to our soul's desires; to meet the world with acceptance and authenticity, no matter what is going on outside. We are here to be a compassionate heart as we continue to share our sacred truths.

I have been meditating for 25 years. I started this devotional practice to keep myself present and connected to a feeling that could only be found within me. It would not matter how sick I was feeling in my body or mind, I would return each day to the quiet solitude of my inner chambers to renew and recharge. This practice became both my medicine and my sustenance, nourishing every cell of my being.

Sometimes I would sit in total chaos for an hour feeling all my emotional stress. Sometimes my ego mind would keep me in judgment. I would offer myself to the moment and hold every part of my humanity, like a child being comforted by a parent. In this way I was able to release the negatively charged past that was held in my body. As I uncovered memories stored inside my cells, I could feel the impact that these suppressed emotions had on my body. I could observe them as if I were seeing them with new eyes. I came to myself humbly every day - and sometimes more times throughout the day - connecting with conscious breathing.

It is a way of life now. It is not something I only do when I am in pain or suffering. This practice has become a moment-to-moment meditation as I try to stay present and mindful with everything I am doing. This is a way to walk in this world and fully stay with yourself no matter what is going on outside. I have not mastered it, but I am conscious of the moments when I leave myself. Staying with all aspects of myself has helped me to stay present and open with all humanity as I allow life to pass through without the barriers that hold me back from fully being here.

 Am I always in peace? No, I am not. Yet I can always hold myself with a peace that accepts who and what I am feeling in the moment. This feeling of acceptance allows the light to shine on my feelings and opens my heart to receiving this life that gives and gives and gives. Through this connection we can begin to see the world around us reflecting back the messages that show us the way. If we just let go of control, a higher power -  the source of all creation - will guide us. This power is felt as energy moving us downstream with ease, unless we stop it from flowing within us.

Last night I called my sister who was staying with our father for the weekend. My father is slowly dying as each day brings him more challenges. Another stroke has taken away more of his capabilities. He has to have 24 hr. care and he is dependent on others to take care of all his physical needs. He accepts his limitations and continues to find the silver lining in every sacred day. He hardly complains. He is so appreciative of all that helps him through his days.

Ram Dass has a book called "Still Here," which he wrote after suffering a stroke at a very young age. My father is still here. He has had so many strokes, I am amazed that he is still here. With each episode he loses another function of his body yet his mind is fully clear and present. He has had countless set-backs. In the past he used to say, "I will be better tomorrow" and slowly he would rise up to bring himself back. The weaknesses were just a temporary slow-down. Now after all of the ways that he has been knocked down, I see that he can only do so much. He is facing this stage of his life with courage.

I live far away yet when I drop into my heart, I feel myself right in the room with him. My heart holds him just as he held me when I was a child. Even when he was out of the house working hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, I felt that love my dad had for his family. I never had to worry that I would be out on the street with nothing to eat, no clothes to wear. That was never even a thought in my mind. My father's commitment to doing what he had to do was born out of a love that I felt deeply and securely. It wrapped around me like a warm shawl on a cold night. I know this now and here I am years later receiving more fully how our father loved us.

As I let myself merge with my inner child, I receive the love of my father -- putting on the clothes that were hanging in the closet -  clothes paid for by his hard work; sitting in the kitchen filling myself with food that he worked hard for; safe in a house that was built and adorned with all that we could ever need.

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to receive the love that has always been there. Often we can be so distracted by our own emotional needs that we fail to recognize the gifts already giving us life. This energy is flowing through every part of this world. 

Tears roll down my cheeks as I feel with great love that same security that God gives me every day. I don't always see what is here. I am too busy trying to control my life to pay attention to all that is here in this moment.

Would I have liked my father home more, playing with me when I was a child? Yes, of course I would. We would all wait for him to come home then would race into his arms eager to feel his strong arms wrap around us and his attention shower down upon us. Yes that was important too! He was bigger than life and the long days without him felt better as soon as he walked through the door.

Yet life brings reality and sometimes after battles lost, he did not have the energy to give anything to us. Those are the days we want to forget - when staying away from home was easier than facing us; when he couldn't be our savior.  He did his best through life's ups and downs, which are now memories stored within him.

In these last days of his precious life he cannot hear with his physical ears. He shares with us those memories and all that he chooses to embrace and look at. His life review is between him and his God yet as he opens to us, all together or individually, we are brought into his stories again and again. We listen with attentive hearts blessed to know this man more deeply. He is like a young boy at times sharing his fears and regrets. Slowly we see him letting go of all that he has not forgiven. We see him as a man, no different than any of us, trying to understand his life. He longs for his wife. He misses her. He confesses parts of his past and relives the parts that gave him joy. I wait with baited breath to hear him talk of things that I have not heard before.

These times are so precious and healing. As my siblings and I watch his dying process, we are brought to ourselves more deeply. He is so kind. He is so soft as I crawl into his hospital bed with him and nuzzle into his shoulders and chest listening to him breathe. This man was given to me by God to be my Dad. His physical body is not strong anymore but his heart is so big that he wraps me up with a love that will never die. He fades away in his body yet his spirit is so alive and still saying the same thing his love has always said to me:  "It's all okay, Frannie. You healed yourself and now you can help others find that same healing power that's within them."

As I receive myself today, I am humbled by the message that has been written through my hands. I listen as each word spills out of me like a love letter from the heavens.

Today I feel this love that was always there in everything around me as my father lived his life the best he could. This love is like God's love, always there waiting for us to receive it. As I welcome the healing words that bring me closer to myself, I sit thousands of miles away from my father. Within my heart I now feel this love wrapping him up. I am with him as he leaves this world knowing that his children are okay. I am blessed to drink in all that has ever been given to me as I receive with eyes that see, ears that hear and a heart that feels how loved I am by you dear Father.