Grateful for the Sacred in All

 

“…(E)ach telling seems to soften that edge, and she grows bolder. And with every story, a little more of her pain slips into that abyss and is absorbed. It turns out the void is not empty after all. It is filled with love.” – Mirabai Starr, Caravan of No Despair As I took my seat on the airplane heading to California to be with my daughter, son-in-law, and my grandsons, I felt both grateful and relieved. A week ago, I did not know if my home on Anna Maria Island would survive the catastrophic hurricane that was forecast to directly hit us. As I evacuated from this storm that was growing in every way imaginable, I prayed. I stayed present in the moment and watched with my heart. Part of me trembled inside while I let go at the same time.  A sense of calm filled me as I sat on the bench at the beach that is dedicated to my husband who passed away 9 ½ years ago. Hurricane Ian was coming right for us, and as I sat in meditation, the unknowable future pushed hard on my heart. Looking out at the calm before the storm, I gave thanks and prayed for us all. I knew in my heart that people all over the world were watching news reports on the storm and sending prayers.       I was fortunate to be able to hunker down with friends off the island. We watched the torrential rains and fierce winds rage. We prayed, we meditated, and we did yoga. We prepared food and we gave thanks. Each moment became an offering of love.  Sometimes praying doesn’t seem enough, so, as I waited, I allowed myself to surrender to hope. Days later, Hurricane Ian made landfall 50 miles south of my home. There, many lost their houses, cars, businesses and even their lives. It could have easily been my island that floated away, but once again we were spared. Many died in this hurricane, which was the worst in 100 years. As we all feel the heartache of these losses, it brings each of us humbly to the hurting hearts of our humanity. Driving back onto the island felt eerie. I hardly saw a soul, and the streets were quiet. Most of the houses were boarded up, and under the gloomy sky, I passed scores of downed trees. Driving was difficult as I moved through the debris left from the storm.  There was no power for days, and yet I felt fortunate. This inconvenience was nothing compared to what people in the path of the storm were enduring. I just had to keep moving forward and, with the help of my son, clean up my mess. Grateful every step of the way, I am so thankful for this precious life. Sometimes we must stop resisting, stop fighting and instead rest in this place within that feels deflated, perhaps drained of all its life force. There we can surrender into the broken part of our own humanity. I was exhausted, so, I surrendered. Reluctantly I go inside, breathe, and give in to the moment. There is nothing else to do but just be here. Breathing into this uneasiness, I receive myself just as I am—this bare, unveiled, human self that has nowhere to go but inside into the depths of this dark, empty space of nothing. Here, right here, is the calling for something that will take away the blinders, the coverings, the beliefs, and misunderstandings that the mind perceives as real.  So, I decided that today I would let go of all these imaginings and come face-to-face with this incredible life that was living in and through me. Even after the devastating storm, everything—every person, every event, every experience—has made me a better person. When I connect with someone, their imprint stays with me and may live within me. All the precious moments with others mold me into the best version of myself.  My soul calls me back to sit inside. Here I realize that while sometimes I have lost my footing—like when I saw the destruction after this hurricane or when my husband, parents and friends died—I touched the dark, cried out my grief and pure, deep, sadness, and with this release, reconnect with Source.  The gentle voice of Spirit speaks to me as I heal my heart. It reminds me how privileged we all are to be a part of nature. Life brings me to the quiet, and I listen inside where the sacred calls me to feel this moment of grace. I know my heart will mend, and I remember that it is my birthright to bloom again, even after the storm. When loss has broken me wide open, I deeply feel the sacred in all that is. And I take action to serve and care for others, so that I can be more compassionate for the suffering of humanity. The world will heal. Maybe we will all wake up and become more conscious of these earth changes and do something about them. In our own lives, we can all become better guardians of our planet. As I watch my youngest grandson, Milo, begin to walk for the first time, my heart cries with the beauty of all that is sacred within each precious moment. Again and again, I am so blessed. I look into the eyes of his older brother, Theo, who smiles as he runs into my arms saying, “Nannie, Nannie!” I lose myself in this feeling of being loved and loving as the divine pours into me because the emptiness has stripped away my attachments. Here I am grateful for the sacred in all things.    With deep thanks and love, Frannie

Intimacy

 

“If somebody were to cut me into a thousand pieces, every piece of me would say that it loves…” -Chris Lubbe Intimacy. Into me I see.    In this world of relationships, I realize that I have arrived more consciously and allowed some fertile ground to bring richness and evolution for my growth. All kinds of relationships—with lovers, sisters, brothers, friends, and children—can bring me so many opportunities to confront all the parts of me. As deeper fears brush up a little closer, I discover patterns, insecurities or behaviors that just need to be noticed or held with tenderness. Can I rest in this moment and not know what will happen? As I sit in the quiet confession of my inner reflection, I feel alive in this moment knowing that as I am honest and true to myself, life is unfolding. This is enough to create space for the sacred to enter, for I am aware of the abundance of life right now. The Beloved loves through me. Awakened into this relationship, I move from the inside and step into this ordinary day as living presence. I am purified by this love as I continue to hold all that is within, the new life and old. It’s all within. The other night, I went to a funky, outdoor venue that reminded me of New Orleans. Looking around the backyard that had art hanging in the trees and murals painted on surrounding houses, this Village of the Arts locale spoke to me in its quaint artistic way. Walking into the gathering of people, seeing familiar faces, and connecting with new ones, I feel the steadiness within me, even in these uncertain times. Resting in the power of this moment, I feel a connection. This union feels so natural as the music becomes the thread that joins us together. Biscuit Miller’s jazzy blues, his soulful singing, passionate guitar playing, and chill dance moves, get my feet tapping and my hands clapping to the music. Soon I just have to get up and dance with this energy that is moving through me and everyone else. As I look at the smiles on the faces of my friends, I am grateful that into me I see something being birthed—a joy that presence gives me because who I am inside is deeply in love.

A Love Letter Poem to Myself   Here, inside, I open and let love take up room in my heart. I rise through my awareness of what is, not leaving myself but allowing the truth in.   It takes great courage to ask the questions that clarify the truth. Am I important to you? Are you ready to give up your secrets and share your life with me? Do you know that if you show me that you are open to allow this powerful force of energy to flow between us, I will swim to you!   This is well being. This is my ability to love deeper and to appreciate these moments as I move through my senses discovering my greater, independent self. This is beautiful— To arrive here amidst the conditions of my world, leaning into me, into my ability to respond from a more awakened state.   This external world can bring me more in touch with all the hidden parts of myself that call me home to my heart.  Even when I am not feeling a perfect harmony inside of me, I can still care for another even if it is not reciprocated.   I open to the emptiness that seems to house my soul and begin again through the transformation that has taken place. Even the broken pieces are held with the Grace of God.   I rise through it, and out of my inner being, I connect with the Spirit of God’s love, which connects me to everything. All is possible here. All is received in this sacred encounter within, where the Divine energies of Spirit serve me and all humanity.   Everything we seek is always inside. This love awaits my return. Alas, as I come into me, I find this compassion for all I have been through, and the qualities of my own inner being shine! Namasté, Frannie

Fly Free in the Garden of Your Heart

 

“Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed.” - Mary Oliver I gaze down at my phone, reading a text from my girlfriend Janet that her sister Shirl is in a coma. My heart seems to stop for a few seconds with this shocking news. I go outside to my favorite spot in the garden to pray. I lean into my thoughts of her as memories pour into me. Those moments when her eyes would get so big and full of passion as she talked about moving to Italy and learning the Italian language. Her fiery spirit, so full of conviction for humanity and animals, always touched me deeply. I loved how she would help me in my garden and always knew exactly how to do those things that needed to be done, like fixing my sprinkler system. Her nickname was Shirl Bird, given to her by her father.               A couple of days later, I hear from Janet that Shirl had died. I go outside and listen to the quiet and feel the preciousness of life. Suddenly a mockingbird begins to sing loudly as the wind begins to blow stronger against the branches of the Bismarck palm behind me where the bird is sitting. A mockingbird sings the song of many birds and as the songs gets louder, I acknowledge that this is the spirit of my friend. In that moment, calmness happens inside me and the wind settles down. The tears come easily, as I think of her and her family. Shirl’s beautiful spirit, with such childlike innocence, fills my garden with her energy. The bird’s music gets louder, as I listen more deeply. I hear Shirl say, “I’m okay. No worries! Be happy sweet family for I am flying free. Be Happy.”    My body is vibrating in this feeling of Oneness with Spirit as her voice touches me like the sounds of the mockingbird that continues to sing. I am wrapped in the most beautiful sounds of this living world as I lean into the vastness of this endless sky that is within and around me. I feel the love of my dear friend who has dropped her body. The tears begin to flow.    This is the mystery. The undeniable presence where the secret of death is, by no mistake, hidden from us. This I acknowledge as I enter the moment with my breath, aware of my fear of death. I arrive at the doorway of all my feelings. I sit inside this human experience remembering when my husband Steve departed, remembering when my mother and father took their last breath. Remembering the moment when death took away my loved ones and the loneliness and absence of their life brought grief like nothing else could.    Walking the beach, the sounds of the waves alight inside of me. I commune with all that is present as nature untangles my busy mind. I soften my gaze as I come back to myself, come home to where I belong, to the of comfort in my own heart. I trust in my humanness and allow my heart’s truth to be revealed. I receive the invitation to glimpse the fullness of my own presence and express it in ways that create and give thanks to the Divine. This greater generous heart takes a deep breath and says yes, I am here, as the space inside opens and the sacred whispers, “Do not be afraid…”.

I arrive in the quiet solitude of my own inner world. No one can see what I see as I move deeply into the unknown. Under the surface I move deep in my core where I dwell. I face my fears of dying. My breath wraps around me so tenderly. The shy, quiet soul is tucked away inside this presence,  where Spirit meets my humanity.   Namasté with love, Frannie

Opening To So Much More

 

“We all know the truth: more connects us than divides us. But in times of crisis, the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.”- King T’Challa, from the Black Panther Marvel movie I hear the bird screeching outside the window as the sound of my grandson running through the hallway wakes me up. Life, this beautiful precious life, fills me up as I reach deep inside my heart this early morning. The gentle nudge of a new day touches me in vulnerable places. Nothing needs to hide me from these intimate feelings that trickle into my awareness as I breathe and lean into myself.    It takes great courage to look at ourselves with tenderness. Can we experience this part of ourselves and be honest with what we are feeling even if we are scared, feeling like crap or just disappointed in our own ability to start again? When we don’t know how it’s all going to work out, can we be okay with not knowing?  I embrace being fully human and awake as I move into the life that is here today and open these doors that are in front of me or within me. How many times do we have to fall before we learn the lessons we need to rise again? The last couple of years has not been a walk in the park. Until I learn with great humility to accept that it hasn’t been easy for me at times, and I am sure for all of you too, I can surrender into the open mind and heart that can relax and allow it all to be. Not grasping outside to save the world but connecting to this deeper self that ponders about how my actions impact another person. So, I wonder dear friends, how are you? I ask this because it has been a while since my last newsletter. I know without a doubt that we are all connected even if we don’t see each other or speak. I pray that you are well and that you continue to honor what is true as you listen to your own inner voice.  It’s been quite a journey we have all been on. As our world begins to reopen, it feels like we’ve all been on a sacred pilgrimage. For a while, a new normal took hold. Now, I no longer think about washing my hands every time I touch anything anymore. I got through these past years and days and moments by hanging on to what gets me through all the dark times of my life. My own practice of meditation or just breathing deeply can be a natural tranquilizer. Why do we have such shallow breath or no breath at all when we are in anxiety or fear! Let’s face it, as Pema Chodron so beautiful says, “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”  I like to get down on my mat daily to stretch and feel myself in my body. I stay long enough within myself until the shaky, vulnerable self gently opens to the feeling of softness and peace. I fill my fridge and countertop with foods that not only feed my eyes but also feed my heart, soul and my stomach.  I feel the appreciation of it all as I think of those who can’t feed themselves or their children. My mind wonders about the people of Ukraine, facing so much that war time brings, and I pray. I write in my journal daily, even if it is only a few lines. I just love that feeling of putting my hand on my pen and watching how a part of myself spills onto the paper with the ink. It’s like I empty myself to be filled with a silence that quiets me but thrills me at the same time like this fresh air that comes through the window. It’s like the door opening wide and some great wise master takes up room in my being. Where did she come from? This higher self that is in me guides my way like parting the sea to let in something that is already there under the surface. It’s amazing how these challenges that have been upon us all – isolation, sickness and suffering of all kinds – pushed us all into places we never have been before. I had COVID three times and each time it was a difficult thing to move through.  How grateful I am to be able to feel the calmness flow through my veins no matter what is going on in this body or world of mine. Maybe it’s because when the fear or anxiety or just plain old exhaustion hit me hard, I breathe in that feeling that only faith can give me. All the tools I have developed and acquired through a life dedicated to my inner world have helped me learn to surrender and accept. Through this acceptance, I could keep going and see how the Universe brought what I needed, even if what was here was hard to face. It's Spring! I feel this burst of energy as my own heart blossoms like the hibiscus and bougainvillea trees I just planted. The brilliant colors and the smell of jasmine is so intoxicating as I take it all in with all my senses. There is life everywhere!  There is you and there is me. We dance within the shadows of our past, remembering the stirring of love that bring us to an open concerto. Can we listen to the sweet song of our souls as we choose to merge into the One melody that only our hearts can hear? Be free, sweet love, and let the inner knowing wrap you up into its embrace. The calling to the deeper knowing brings forth a new dawn. It’s all good.  It is all for the good, for the love that is spoken speaks loudly in the silence of the sweet melody unleashed. Never forgotten- Only remembered again and again,  opening to so much more! Namasté Love, Frannie

This Magnificent Love

 

“We all know the truth: more connects us than divides us. But in times of crisis, the wise build bridges, while the foolish build barriers. We must find a way to look after one another as if we were one single tribe.”- King T’Challa, from the Black Panther Marvel movie

Sometimes, when I forget that truth – that we are all “one single tribe” – I feel like I am left alone. These times of crisis, all times of crises, push us to face our own darkness, and sometimes we need to go inside and take down the walls we have erected to protect ourselves from pain or to insulate ourselves from being vulnerable. This Covid pandemic has stretched me and broken me wide open. When things get tough, it is so easy to fall asleep and forget this heart and mind that want to join with the Divine. Time and time again, I forget that all I have to do is soften my gaze out there, return to myself, and settle into what this moment brings me. It’s really all I want – to connect with what is causing me to feel this separation where I fear the future, the next moment, or the new relationship that is in front of me. So, I choose to go outside and be touched by nature where I can change my focus to my heart and lean in. She calls me by shining the sun through my window or sounding the chimes in my garden with her wind. Through this connection, I can be more committed to my inner path, as I feel my way through all these worries and breathe gently. It opens me to all that is coming my way.  So many people are divided by ideas and opinions. No matter the differences, we are much more alike when we live in the heart of compassion. So, I have learned to ask questions instead of making assumptions. And I can listen without having to be right. I let go of everything I think I know and allow the moment to be real. I can hold them with a spacious heart and a still mind. I meet them in the deepest part of my being where I have faced my own fears and shortcomings. Then the moment becomes a way to honor how precious life is, because I only have this time, this present moment with this person. I may never see them again. We don’t have to figure it out, just arrive in the moment open and willing to stand on the bridge together, unafraid because we trust in our own ability to live in the heart of the Beloved. Here we are one; here we are the same. In this present moment, we take refuge inside by being true to ourselves. We can be kind as we sit back and listen to that still small voice that guides us to wisdom. To stay conscious is to be an open heart without holding back or hiding so that we can expand our love to embrace all people. This is the miracle of relationships where we get to meet another soul and open to the wisdom that they share. As we think back, we appreciate what we may have taken for granted -- being with our loved ones, traveling without restrictions, loving with our whole selves. We have been cut off from the most natural way of being. We feel a physical discomfort when we are with someone we want to touch, hug, or kiss but cannot. With masks on and 6 feet of social distancing, we feel the awkwardness. Now that we truly understand loss, let’s blanket this world in our magnificent love. I have found ways to love from the deepest parts of myself. This love that is a divine power will link us all when we open to it and awaken to the truth that there is love in everything. This natural world that surrounds me offers gifts without conditions, and in the presence of this beauty that I am receiving, I feel love. I fill up with this true nature that lives inside of me, and I want to give it away as it fills to overflowing and spilling out. It becomes the silent prayer of my heart beaming out into the world. These bodies are used for communication, and as I unveil myself and look at the truth within, I am free to express all of who I am. In this union, I am a beacon of light for others. I breathe in and say Namaste, “I bow to the light in you.”

The Power of Love

 

“Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down the dulcimer. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kiss the ground.”- Rumi

With so much going on in this world, the mind wants to wander and take me into fears of the unknown. Then I hear the call of my dying friend, and when I look into her eyes the moment reveals the power of love.             This moment unveils me like nothing else, for as I feel my grief, I realize that every one of us is facing loss in these turbulent times. I muster up the courage, take a deep breath, and feel the reality that is before me.             This moment, this day, this time is where I get to look inside; where I let go and do my part to add support during these times of uneasiness. I reach my hand out to all who are brought to me. I hold them like precious jewels and behold their beauty, always with the reverence, presence, and appreciation as if it would be my last chance to do so. Though it might be crowded with uncertainty and fears, I arrive within my heart and drop into the present moment where I give and receive the truth that rises within my human self. How precious love is, and it costs nothing but our own ability to empty what has held us back from receiving what is already here. When we open and empty, we can respond with the glance, the touch, the word that can be used to connect with the heart of another.             This art of listening does not have to separate us from anyone, no matter what they say. Just focus on what is real, for in the moment what is true rises within as light. Here are we joined. No matter what coverings we wear, this light binds us all together in this incredible tapestry called life.

Out of the darkness of thoughts  That can only bring suffering Comes the ever-present breeze of Spirit  Calling your name, Nudging you to break away  From the mind that holds you In the grip of despair.   You turn your gaze to the sun, Where ripples of golden Light  Move and dance upon your eyes As you take in the story  Written long ago Yet now remembered. There is so much to see  When you live in union with the Divine  Expressing the wisdom of the heart.   Oh, precious One! Take off the denial  So that your feelings can be allowed  To pass through the river  That once brought soothing  In the womb of the mother. Let the unconditional stream of consciousness  Pull you into the embrace of tender loving care. Look now to the sweetest life given  For both the struggles and triumphs  Have allowed you to grow into yourself.   This internal path brings forth the new, As the seasons of grief change all your colors. In the barren land of emptiness, You become filled with the Light that gives and gives Knowing that there is so much more to be received. Now, as you reach into the deep canyon of emptiness, The Light awakens and everyone in your presence  Is welcomed into the embrace  Of the One Eternal Being that transcends time.   Namasté, Frannie

We Are Never Alone

 

“God’s message of love is sent into this world in a human envelope.”  - Richard Rohr

With all the stress of living in this human body, I strive each day to be the best version of myself. I glance over to the bookshelf where a colorful plaque screams the words etched on its surface and in my heart…   LOVE LIKE YOU’LL NEVER BE HURT SING LIKE NO ONE IS LISTENING DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING LIVE LIKE IT’S HEAVEN ON EARTH   As I ride the waves, big and small, that carry me through this vast ocean that is life, again and again, I am shown yet another way back to myself. From this place, I know I can and will open my heart again. I let my soul’s song release the truth for everyone to hear as I dance on this incredible earth with abandon. There is so much toxicity in our world—with climate change, stressed ecosystems, economic destruction, and of course social and racial injustice, all compounded by pollution, chronic inflammation, and other diseases that reveal how stressed our bodies are. Still, this life has shown me that when I allow the stress to settle, when I let go, I can hear the calling of my heart and trust the wisdom of my soul. I remember who I am, worthy to experience life as Heaven on Earth. Thirty-five years ago, I started on this journey to heal my body, mind, and spirit. My soul was calling me to transform through my body (illness) and I answered the call. These hard times helped me grow into a more conscious soul. This education—learning what I needed to live in a healthier way, restoring my body and mind—it’s a path, not a destination. It never really gets done, for there always are more layers of these human conditions to unveil. Each day, I wake up into something new that challenges me to stay awake.  My first book, From Modeling Clothes to Modeling Self, was the journey back to my true self. I share my path, my experiences, as I made my lifestyle changes and allowed the internal discomforts to bring me to my rough edges. Though life’s lessons continued to bring me to my knees, it was what I needed to help me grow into higher vibration. The key is to accept these feelings and unlovable parts without judgment, to be the best friend we can be to ourselves.  There is so much that is pushing us all into higher consciousness. Deaths of loved ones, the loss of relationships, illnesses, and endings. But also birth and new beginnings. New partners, new babies/grandbabies, new clients, and new friends. This pandemic is a time of greater awakening. We are staying home more, feeling more, unveiling. It’s not just for us, it’s for the entire planet. As all the toxicity comes out of us and our planet, we see birds, fish, and bees coming back. I see this perfection and realize it is the same force that provides the foundation of my beliefs—pure Essence.  Buddhist teachings and meditations help me uncover the layers often muddied by false ideas that stir things up and cause chaos. When I get still and quiet, the inner waters calm, the sediment falls away, so that who I really am can be seen and felt in the emptiness within. I love how The Course in Miracles brings everything back to me and my forgiving heart. I once asked someone, “If you take away money, you take away illness, you take away this or that, all these so-called problems, what is left?” If we can let go, for a moment, of the ego and all it wants to identify with, then the mind quiets and there is space inside to birth what is real. And that is presence, that is the connection to our perfect spirit.  This lightness of being is love. It reminds me we are all connected so I can sit at the table of life with all humanity and keep my heart wide open. No matter where they have been, what dogma or political belief, whatever the color, gender, circumstance, or behavior, I can settle inside this heart of mine and listen. As I listen to the way life brings another to their knees, I can see the offering of love being presented to them. It fills me up and spills out as the compassionate loving of all mankind. It is my work and joy to share this with the world. There are no enemies, only opportunities to heal what has been held within the body to learn the lesson of our souls.  So, as we all face so much through these times, as we uncover these false beliefs that keep us attached, we become the one walking in this world but not of it. As the world turns us upside down and inside out and shakes us to our knees, we wake up to the knowing that fear does not hold us back. It helps us to feel our human self.  Allow the mud to settle and reveal your shining light. Then look in the mirror and, seeing yourself fully, greet all that is reflecting back to you with, “Hello, you beautiful being of light, I love you!” Then walk in your world, uncovered, look into the eyes of another and say, “Hello, you beautiful being of light, I love you!” As a messenger of light, I let my voice sing the praises of the Universe as I celebrate each day on this earth. I am alive to witness its beauty. The door that closed has opened many. The trumpets sound the arrival of this new day where I begin again. I dance in the living room with my puppy and sing like no one is listening. The song is "I Am Mantra" by Jack Dill and goes like this:  I AM! I AM! I AM! Come join me here. Namasté, Frannie