Partnering with Spirit

It's been a stormy and rainy day as I drive from the office to have dinner with my boyfriend Robert. There on the grass, parked is a white limousine. Today would have been my wedding anniversary to Steve and there it is, the road sign and symbol of our union. As I listen to my heart speaking to him, the dark heavy clouds are pouring down rain, as a bright sun peaks out of the opening and shines right on my car and the road I am driving on. Then the song that Luke sang at our wedding begins to play on the radio. My body begins to vibrate with truth chills as Steve's presence continues to make itself known. I line up in the moment and then this divine awareness becomes my beloved companion. It's not a phenomena to me. I invite my spirit loved ones to show up in my world at anytime. I feel their messages of love sent to me daily.

(drawing by Frannie Hoffman)

 

I love the quote from Yoko Ono when she was asked how she could bear being without John Lennon given they had spent 90% of their time together, her response was:

"Now we spend 100% of our time together."

 

The death of the body is not the death of love. It doesn't mean we don't grieve and feel the hurt but we can transcend the loss. When our hearts remain open to the flow of truth, the spirit can compensate for material loss. 

 

My connection to spirit's wisdom is natural and intimate. It feels like second nature to me and I believe that all the losses in my life have helped me to feel myself more fully and allow inner guidance or intuition to be my lifeline to freedom. If we can turn our attention inward to our heart instead of letting outside appearances overwhelm us, the Universe will show us what to do and where to go as we trust our own vibration.

 

My mother was a great teacher for me. She didn't listen to the doctor who told her that she couldn't have children. She climbed those steps of St. Joseph's Oratory in Quebec, praying as she knelt on every step, listening to her heart. She saw the crutches and wheel chairs that lined up on her path up the hill. Her pilgrimage was her own. She allowed her deepest desire to speak loudly. She believed she was born to have children. She listened to her inner calling and leaped with faith as she continued to give herself up to God. She knew her calling was to be a mother. Nothing stopped her from this deep spiritual connection to her heart. She had faith and her fears did not stop her.

 

That night my mother conceived triplet girls. My sisters and I were born and 2 years later so was my brother. 

 

My mother was an incredibly gifted and talented woman. She lived with a disease where her mind kept her in fear and so many days she was paralyzed with anxiety. Her suffering was unending and yet the joy of her children was the salve that soothed her brokenness. She was beautiful and cooking was love. She always had soup going on the stove or something mouth watering in the oven. She was a master at painting and creating centerpieces made of driftwood. Did I say how she loved her children? It is worth saying again. Maybe sometimes she loved us more than herself.

 

I wished she could have loved her own life more fully but yet in the end, she continued to be brave. It took great courage to let go of this world. She suffered with Alzheimer's and in her tormented days, she would look around her most favorite home, our cottage up north in Northern Ontario, and stare at all of her belongings surrounding her. The walls were adorned with the many oil paintings that she created through the years . My mother would cry out and plead " I want to go home. Please, you tell me these are my paintings and this is my favorite home, just take me home, nothing here is familiar." As I looked into her eyes she said, " I want to go home! "

 

At the time it was heartbreaking to listen to her pain and longing to remember her home. Now I believe that she was longing for her spiritual home. This place of comfort that no longer was inside her reality anymore. She was longing for that which seemed forgotten. 

 

Home for her was creating in the kitchen beautiful recipe's that made your mouth water just thinking about it. She showed her love through her cooking and sharing food. Her mother was the same. Food was love and that was something that I was always inspired by. I too love to cook and share love in this way. It is that feeling inside that makes you feel at home and having a pot of soup on the stove is something that just feels good. I love the feeling of cutting up veggies and throwing it all in a pot as I create this goodness that gives me life. Creating salads and dishes of all kinds is just a little piece of heaven for me. It doesn't matter if I didn't have enough money to shop for a big grocery, I would use what I had to create something that could feed others. It was a way to share love. 

 

Our mothers were our first home inside their womb. They are the music on the radio, the sun peaking through the rain clouds. They whisper sweet comfort during these life long journeys.

 

Today let us celebrate our mothers and mother figures in our life. Maybe they didn't always give us what we needed. These great woman helped to mould us and to be all that we are today. 

 

May we forgive our own fears when we forget how natural it is to breath and become more. We are here to bring life into us and let our bodies be the instrument to co-create a beautiful life. From the inside to the outside, let us leap into the moment with great abandon and share all that we receive.

 

Bowing to our mothers for we can receive life because this is our birthright! 

How blessed I am to be a mother.

 

Namaste,

Frannie

The Love That Never Dies

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one, you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.”

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler

The preciousness of this life, appreciating ourselves and each other and our world seemed to be awakened more deeply in me during the fragility of the days, weeks and months since the sudden death of my husband Steve last June. It didn’t matter how emotionally or physically fit I thought I was, the day my husband died unexpectedly from an aneurism- I was shattered and broken. The continuously busy world went on around me as I entered into the valley of sorrow where my children, family and friends stood with me. I was in shock and the trauma pushed me inside where all was revealed and uncovered. Moving through the pain without distraction was the ticket Home. At the time, I was sad, hurt, angry and alone. The grief devoured me like a hungry animal.

No one can fix us or do this work for us. When I stayed in the missing and longing for my husband, and some days that is all I could do, I would cry those buckets of endless tears. I was brought to my knees and to the very roots of the pain. There was no one to blame for now I had no choice but to deeply face it all for myself. Here is where some more of the falseness fell away and I returned to what was true. Now I can see clearer as I look upon my life up to this moment and listen deeply to what is being given. I can receive the truth that I am worthy.

As Joseph Campbell says so beautifully, “the privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are”.

When I joined with Steve in spirit, my misery faded.  Maybe his body was gone but his spirit was brilliant.  I witnessed first- hand how this time of great sorrow was to bring me greater awareness and transformation.

The sadness of a life without him will always be with me and as the days, weeks, months and now a year has gone by, this missing him is a constant companion. It is an incredible and life changing experience as I now can look upon the moment of his transition and I am so grateful to have had such a man. He led me back to my Beloved. Here we are never separate and never alone. I walk on in appreciation of life that continues to go on. I can feel the joy again and that is the gift when you allow sorrow to intimately be your teacher.

Life on this earth is a great treasure and we are surrounded by angels. The moment Steve left his body he was right there in all of his radiance, dialoging with me in all kinds of ways. Many of my friends and family also had visitations from him and he even told one of my girl- friends that he would joke with her until I was ready to play again. These angels or guides are our spirit loved ones floating around us or walking on this planet with us in physical form. Even the ones we imagine to be in conflict with us or the ones we view as our enemy, they are angels. Steve was and still is that angel that has assisted me in healing and continues to do so. His death was divinely on purpose to bring the gift of love that never dies.

Writing has always healed my heart and has helped me to create expression for my soul. I wrote and wrote through these months and now it is turning into a book called, Good Grief! Loss- The Doorway to New Life. I hope to have it available by the New Year. I also would like to share that I will start back with one to one sessions after my daughter’s wedding which is August 29th. I will send out an email when I return from California.

In the meantime, I am excited to share with you my new co-creation! I wrote a chapter for a collaborative book project called Transform Your Life! that will feature tools to inspire transformation in readers' lives!  At this same time, the book will feature authors who have overcome tremendous obstacles and through them found meaning and purpose to not only transform their lives but the lives of others.

As an author I am able sell books at a discount rate for 20% off. I will be honored if you will help support me and the book's movement to help people transform their lives. You can do this by simply spreading the word and/or purchasing the book to inspire your own life or gift to a friend.

I want to thank you for celebrating with me in this opportunity to collaborate and make a difference!

This is the link to purchase the book:

http://transformation-publishing.com/book/transform-your-life

When you go to check out use this coupon code:

 Coupon Code:  frannie20

P.S. The coupon is good on ALL books on Transformation Publishing's site!

Your Grateful Heart Is the Gate Way- 11:11:11

Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other peoples thinking.

Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition… they somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

(1955-2011)

I’m standing at my kitchen counter waiting for my test results. It’s part of my routine physical. I know in every fiber of my being that I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. So why do I feel so anxious?

Finally the phone rings and the results confirm what I already know – everything is normal. A dam inside me breaks as my joy and relief spill out through my happy tears. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told my liver was not normal. And year after year after year, the test results have supported that claim. As many of you already know, I have dedicated much of my life to serving humanity by allowing myself, to the best of my ability, to be a vessel so that God can work with me and through me. A big part of my commitment involves lifestyle choices that support the healthy growth and healing of my mind, body and spirit. At times it is hard to stay on the path of what we want, especially when others around us have lost their own battles. Guilt sometimes swallows me up as I wonder why I should believe I could get well when loved ones have remained sick or even died.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I reach with my mind and heart to God as I pray: Dear God, let me be an instrument of your peace. Help me to share your divine loving presence as I trust that I can stay open to whatever I meet today.

I breathe into my body and receive myself. Then I quietly rise up out of bed in the darkness of the bedroom and fumble my way to the living room. Putting on my robe, I ease into my favorite chair. No one can calm me and bring me peace except God. I know that being calm and quiet not only serves me but I am sure God can make better use of me, as well.

I settle into my body and feel whatever is lurking in the deepest parts of my being. I know answers to any of my problems come when I am willing to face my uncomfortable feelings and difficult thoughts. When I stay with these shameful hurts and pains within, something inside softens. The fear of staying here loosens its hold and breathing begins to quiet the mind allowing the dense thought-forms to fall away. I know that the only way out of my self-imposed pain is to go inward to hold it. Here I begin to remember that I am a child of God.

 As I pray and contemplate this connection inside, I find the inner strength that helps me handle the darkness of the world. I also feel that meditation can help us handle all of the powerful light that is coming in at this time. As we are called to live bigger and brighter, sometimes our resistance gets bigger, as well. I witness how afraid we are to live our truest potential. We are afraid to fully let our light shine. Our addictions keep us trapped and muted. Can we be love with conviction? Can we see the miracle we are just by choosing to be peace? Can we open our hearts and share this food that light offers to the hungry? I think we all want that peace but first we must forgive the past. Can we let go of those moments that brought us to our knees when we uncovered the lie of unworthiness? Forgiving is part of the miracle.

Living love and being the light for another is truly a gift. Nowhere on this earth have I experienced this gift more profoundly than when I have stood before the one people call John of God.

I have been to Brazil to visit John of God two times before. Yet this trip brought me to understand more deeply how living to serve this food called love is our greatest gift. When I speak of love here, I mean divine love, God’s love. I believe that life brings us to more of it if we can be in the direct experience of any given moment. In the present moment, if we accept who we are, with all our fears and all our shame, then we will see that our feelings do not have to separate us. We can join together in the one mind of God.

As I look around the hall where many wait to see John of God, I am humbled by these brave souls in wheel chairs, on crutches and being carried. The sick and the dying, the searchers for truth all gather in this sacred holy place called Casa de Dom Inacio de Loyola in Abadiania, Brazil. Everyone wears white; we are all the same here. We take our turn to stand in the presence of a man who has committed his life to the healing of the collective society.  As a medium for God, he becomes a hollow reed. Medium Joao radiates unconditional love that heals those who need healing. In the presence of this love, fear dissolves. If enough of us stand in the light of true love, not simplistic love, but strong divine God love, then there is peace and this creates a force field of healing light.

No matter who we are, we have things to do to fulfill the calling of our souls. We are called to be authentically ourselves as best as we can be. We are challenged each day to dig deeper into ourselves to find out who we really are and to choose to live differently. Each of us, no matter who we are, can align ourselves with a better idea. All of us need more quiet time, not to retreat from the world but to merge with the treasures and richness of just being.

My father died the day after my arrival in Abadiania. It pushed me deeply into grief as I longed to touch my father again. I wanted to feel his spirit with me. I prayed and meditated. I walked in silence as my intention to be more present revealed many thoughts and feelings. I felt, I cried, I allowed myself to just be with me.

My friend Kristine and I were waiting our turn to stand before John of God. I left my seat to take a walk on the beautiful grounds outside the hall. Thousands were there that day because it was the week of John’s birthday. As I walked, I was drawn to the grotto where there are statues of saints and flowering bushes. Tears flowing down my face, I talk to my dad. I miss him and feel so far away from home. I begin talking as if he were right there.  “I know you are around me dad. I know you are here with me in spirit but do you think you could give me another physical visitation?” After he died his spirit visited me as a hummingbird and the joy of that moment was so healing for me. Was it too soon for me to ask him to be with me? Am I pulling him away from something more important? I just wanted him here and hoped that another hummingbird might grace the moment with its splendor. I waited and I waited and I waited. Finally, as I went back into the hall where I left Kristine, inside my head I hear a voice say, “when you go inside, someone will approach you to sit in your chair and you will let them.” This voice is so much louder and clearer here in Brazil. 

Kristine took her turn to stretch her legs. Within a few minutes a beautiful, tall young woman in her 30s with a crutch under her arm approached me and asked if she could sit on the vacant chair. I looked up with great satisfaction and said, “Yes, sit here in my chair.” The woman who had just taken my seat reached over and held my name tag in her hand and looked into my eyes saying with a German accent, “Frannie Hoffman!” I nodded yes. She then bent closer and said, “I am Katharin Hoffman.” I gasped as tears and excitement moved me to hold her hand and say, “I just asked my dad to give me a sign that he was here with me. YOU are the messenger. My dad’s name is Phil Hoffman.” She replied with bright eyes, “In the town I live in, almost everyone is named Hoffman.” We held each other like long lost relatives. Out of all these people, I heard the guidance to answer my prayer. Dad was right here and meeting me through the eyes of this beautiful soul. She had to be listening to her guidance too! She heard and found herself at this meeting place where God spoke louder than anything else. We exchanged emails and then I was called to make my way through the current room to stand before John of God. My heart was so open and full of this love that I have with my father and this miracle that just took place. He made his way to me through Katharin Hoffman. I felt so humbled by the purity of the moment. How easy it was to ask and then receive the truth. I am here with you, right by your side.

 I walked slowly in the line feeling like I was being carried by angels. I listened to the prayers being spoken in Portuguese. I felt the love of so many sitting in pews meditating and radiating their love and support. The walls were filled with holy pictures and music filled the air. It feels like a sacred pilgrimage to meet God through the eyes of Joas De Deus (John of God). For 48 years he has participated in the healing of over 8 million people. 

When we give ourselves this deeper connection we can open up to the entire world. We can give and live for others from this full cup. I saw it when I stood in front of John in God. The light of God was spilling out of him like an endlessly flowing river. He was connected inward and sharing from this place where God meets us all. His words, so simple and yet profoundly truthful and filled with spirit, touched the hearts that were open to receive.

When the resistance to the moment falls away, we are the opening. We are the doorway as love enters this world through each of us individually as we join together as one. The joining creates a gateway where light enters to bring many treasures through our gaze, through our eyes, through our touch and through our words. We are the messengers as we let go of the past and allow the present moment to be all that is. When we look into the mirror that this world is, who we are is reflected back and we have another opportunity to share the truth that only the heart can receive.  Follow your dream and fully be yourself as you let what you do fill you with enthusiasm. You are brave the moment you enter inside, letting go of what holds you back from fully being here as yourself. Follow your heart for it is the gateway into the power of love that nurtures this dream as you become an instrument for God.

During this Thanksgiving season I am so grateful for the trip to John of God and this sacred journey I have been on to receive the miracle of a healed body.  My soul’s desire at this time is to assist in lifting the consciousness of the planet into greater levels of compassion, loving service, and wisdom.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

All my love,

Frannie