Clearing Your Inner Path for Love to Bloom

"So come to the pond, or the river of your imagination, or the harbor of your longing. And put your lips to the world and live your life."- Mary Oliver

 

The gardens that have bloomed around me are exploding with colors. The birds are singing louder today as I watch a black bird scoop down on the patio in front of me, making a swooshing sound that gets my attention. The sky is covered with some clouds and the brilliant blue peeks through. I see like I am Dorothy waking up in Oz. I had cataract surgery a few weeks ago and the colors are breath taking. I am so grateful as I receive the aliveness of this day that awakens my inner senses and fills me with this beautiful feeling of belonging.  

 

I meet this day like an empty vessel. I am being filled by this spring day. This incredible way that nature reminds me to be in this solitude within as I keep company with my soul. This inner reality where I consciously begin to join with the rhythm of my own unique life within. Here I reacquaint myself consciously with the maternal, honoring and listening to my deepest needs.

 

The miracles are seen when I sit quiet for a while. Even though the loud sounds of the world begin to push on this private time, I lean in and get closer to the stillness in the center of myself. I begin to receive the miracle of this precious life. It wasn't easy going through the cataract surgery. I was high risk going into the operating room and surprised when I found out in the recovery room that the surgeon had to do an anterior vitrectomy. The healing process was more fragile because a few days later my retina did tear. The time to heal was a most precious gift. How grateful I am to have a partner, Robert, who holds me close and reminds me that all is well. My children who express to me their love in so many ways, gives me comfort as I witness the ways they take care of themselves. How proud I am to be their mother and now a Grandmother.

 

The gift of sight cannot be taken for granted as the beauty of the world fills me up with appreciation this day. It's Mother's Day weekend! I remember how brave my mother was when she lost her sight with macular degeneration. I remember all she had to touch within her own torment with Alzheimer's. I remember my mother today as I wipe from my memories all that seemed hard to watch as my heart opens compassionately to allow myself to melt into the deeply comforting energy of Divinity. This love nurtures and sustains me as I retreat inside my heart.  

 

I bow to you my mother as my inner sight gently touches her as I begin to see clearly the opening within. I begin to see how my mother would do the Russian dance and fall and laugh as she told stories of being woken up in the night while visiting her native land Czech Republic and in her night gown had to dance for the soldiers. I begin to laugh at some of her jokes that she would repeat through her life. I see these moments where my mother sang her polish favorites and cooked cabbage rolls, pierogi's and many other delicious food, always creating a beautiful home. She loved her children and grandchildren and cherished her moments to play with them and do art projects, dressing up and going shopping. How one life could be such a teacher for my own mothering! I celebrate my mother's life and how I learned to love the feminine spirit within me that is home inside my own heart always waiting to take care of me.

 

While I am writing these words, my daughter Lane Facetimes and there on the screen of my computer is my 6-month-old grandson Theo, smiling and laughing. The picture I see of him gazing at his mother brings me into this precious moment honoring my daughter Lane, who is a great, wise and loving new mom. 

 

Happy Mother's Day to you all! 

May we celebrate the gift of our birth and this life that has been given to us.

 

All my love,

Frannie 

Union with Your Inner Being

Be content with what you have;

rejoice in the way things are.

When you realize there is nothing lacking,

the whole world belongs to you.  -Lao-Tzu

Being here now - worthy and in love with self. It's beautiful here. Right here in this moment now. 

 

Wherever we are is a blessed gift. Even in health challenges or loss. Even when the world outside of us is struggling. Even when our children are hurting. Even when life gives us the worst terrible news.

 

Even when life isn't exactly the way I want it to be, I realize that I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone. I can be content with who I am no matter what. It just helps to surrender to the way things are. 

So, I breathe in and allow life in. Breathe out and let go of the fear of the unknown.

 

How deeply moved I am by nature. It seems to hold me, whenever I enter the garden. Here I sit with my daughter in the backyard. It's Mother's Day and I watch her doing yoga when moments before she was in despair with her struggles about her new health challenges. I watch her like I watch the snowy white egret standing by my table - so close - I can take her beauty in with every detail, bringing me closer to what is real. All she needs is to be listened to and held. This love that has no conditions. This love fills me up like nothing else. 

 

It is this union with my inner being that holds all of me. Here I touch what is so human and real. How easy it is to slip into a mind that can keep me a prisoner of the past. 

 

I watch Lane move through her life with eyes of wisdom. I trust the journey. It's not always easy.

 

Being alive in the Now is what nature shows us. Being here in all our humanness is all we have. The past has been the escort of this presence, bringing us back home, into the only moment that is real. 

 

Life continues to flow and I might as well join the party of creation, as I sit inside this sacred holy place where I commune with what is here. How I look at it seems to be the ticket, to be a part of the flow and momentum that carries me into what will be. 

 

Loss happens to us all. Yet to me, it has served my evolution to become more. I am grateful that the doorway is open. I step through and watch it all unfold.

All my love,

Frannie

Partnering with Spirit

It's been a stormy and rainy day as I drive from the office to have dinner with my boyfriend Robert. There on the grass, parked is a white limousine. Today would have been my wedding anniversary to Steve and there it is, the road sign and symbol of our union. As I listen to my heart speaking to him, the dark heavy clouds are pouring down rain, as a bright sun peaks out of the opening and shines right on my car and the road I am driving on. Then the song that Luke sang at our wedding begins to play on the radio. My body begins to vibrate with truth chills as Steve's presence continues to make itself known. I line up in the moment and then this divine awareness becomes my beloved companion. It's not a phenomena to me. I invite my spirit loved ones to show up in my world at anytime. I feel their messages of love sent to me daily.

(drawing by Frannie Hoffman)

 

I love the quote from Yoko Ono when she was asked how she could bear being without John Lennon given they had spent 90% of their time together, her response was:

"Now we spend 100% of our time together."

 

The death of the body is not the death of love. It doesn't mean we don't grieve and feel the hurt but we can transcend the loss. When our hearts remain open to the flow of truth, the spirit can compensate for material loss. 

 

My connection to spirit's wisdom is natural and intimate. It feels like second nature to me and I believe that all the losses in my life have helped me to feel myself more fully and allow inner guidance or intuition to be my lifeline to freedom. If we can turn our attention inward to our heart instead of letting outside appearances overwhelm us, the Universe will show us what to do and where to go as we trust our own vibration.

 

My mother was a great teacher for me. She didn't listen to the doctor who told her that she couldn't have children. She climbed those steps of St. Joseph's Oratory in Quebec, praying as she knelt on every step, listening to her heart. She saw the crutches and wheel chairs that lined up on her path up the hill. Her pilgrimage was her own. She allowed her deepest desire to speak loudly. She believed she was born to have children. She listened to her inner calling and leaped with faith as she continued to give herself up to God. She knew her calling was to be a mother. Nothing stopped her from this deep spiritual connection to her heart. She had faith and her fears did not stop her.

 

That night my mother conceived triplet girls. My sisters and I were born and 2 years later so was my brother. 

 

My mother was an incredibly gifted and talented woman. She lived with a disease where her mind kept her in fear and so many days she was paralyzed with anxiety. Her suffering was unending and yet the joy of her children was the salve that soothed her brokenness. She was beautiful and cooking was love. She always had soup going on the stove or something mouth watering in the oven. She was a master at painting and creating centerpieces made of driftwood. Did I say how she loved her children? It is worth saying again. Maybe sometimes she loved us more than herself.

 

I wished she could have loved her own life more fully but yet in the end, she continued to be brave. It took great courage to let go of this world. She suffered with Alzheimer's and in her tormented days, she would look around her most favorite home, our cottage up north in Northern Ontario, and stare at all of her belongings surrounding her. The walls were adorned with the many oil paintings that she created through the years . My mother would cry out and plead " I want to go home. Please, you tell me these are my paintings and this is my favorite home, just take me home, nothing here is familiar." As I looked into her eyes she said, " I want to go home! "

 

At the time it was heartbreaking to listen to her pain and longing to remember her home. Now I believe that she was longing for her spiritual home. This place of comfort that no longer was inside her reality anymore. She was longing for that which seemed forgotten. 

 

Home for her was creating in the kitchen beautiful recipe's that made your mouth water just thinking about it. She showed her love through her cooking and sharing food. Her mother was the same. Food was love and that was something that I was always inspired by. I too love to cook and share love in this way. It is that feeling inside that makes you feel at home and having a pot of soup on the stove is something that just feels good. I love the feeling of cutting up veggies and throwing it all in a pot as I create this goodness that gives me life. Creating salads and dishes of all kinds is just a little piece of heaven for me. It doesn't matter if I didn't have enough money to shop for a big grocery, I would use what I had to create something that could feed others. It was a way to share love. 

 

Our mothers were our first home inside their womb. They are the music on the radio, the sun peaking through the rain clouds. They whisper sweet comfort during these life long journeys.

 

Today let us celebrate our mothers and mother figures in our life. Maybe they didn't always give us what we needed. These great woman helped to mould us and to be all that we are today. 

 

May we forgive our own fears when we forget how natural it is to breath and become more. We are here to bring life into us and let our bodies be the instrument to co-create a beautiful life. From the inside to the outside, let us leap into the moment with great abandon and share all that we receive.

 

Bowing to our mothers for we can receive life because this is our birthright! 

How blessed I am to be a mother.

 

Namaste,

Frannie