I listen inside, embraced by the light of presence. I hear the sound of silence and I drink in the moment that gives me all I ask for. As I am quietly guided deep inside myself, I am content to receive with gratitude this abundance of energy that allows me to sit within this sacred chamber of my heart.
Listen to the messages that can be heard by the heart. Listen to the One that waits patiently for your return. Listen sweet child of the earth as heaven awaits the touch of your being. In this holy moment you are wrapped in the stillness that holds the answers to all the questions of your mind and heart. Like when the curtain on the main stage is about to go up, there is anticipation for the truth to be revealed as the light shines bright on all you see.
I return to this place, allowing presence to show me the way. God is here in all her ways as I take this hand that wants to guide me. It is hard to define God as a he or she or it. God is everything and nothing at the same time. God is a power that moves through us as gently as an ocean breeze or as fiercely as a tidal wave. Each day I come to my heart, kneel before the altar of my mind and ask to receive all that desires to be born through me. As I listen with devotion, I hear the words, "take my lead, and follow me."
We all have read countless books that have inspired us to heart-centered living. These self-help books show us another way. We are so blessed by these souls who have pioneered the way. These teachers lived their lives committed to changing their experiences of this world. Now is the time to take all this information that we have digested and make it our own.
How do we walk in our ordinary lives with our hearts wide open moving from the inside to the outside? Simply take the hand of Spirit and allow God's voice to guide the way though every moment of our day. We are here to live it - to be the vibrational match to our soul's desires; to meet the world with acceptance and authenticity, no matter what is going on outside. We are here to be a compassionate heart as we continue to share our sacred truths.
I have been meditating for 25 years. I started this devotional practice to keep myself present and connected to a feeling that could only be found within me. It would not matter how sick I was feeling in my body or mind, I would return each day to the quiet solitude of my inner chambers to renew and recharge. This practice became both my medicine and my sustenance, nourishing every cell of my being.
Sometimes I would sit in total chaos for an hour feeling all my emotional stress. Sometimes my ego mind would keep me in judgment. I would offer myself to the moment and hold every part of my humanity, like a child being comforted by a parent. In this way I was able to release the negatively charged past that was held in my body. As I uncovered memories stored inside my cells, I could feel the impact that these suppressed emotions had on my body. I could observe them as if I were seeing them with new eyes. I came to myself humbly every day - and sometimes more times throughout the day - connecting with conscious breathing.
It is a way of life now. It is not something I only do when I am in pain or suffering. This practice has become a moment-to-moment meditation as I try to stay present and mindful with everything I am doing. This is a way to walk in this world and fully stay with yourself no matter what is going on outside. I have not mastered it, but I am conscious of the moments when I leave myself. Staying with all aspects of myself has helped me to stay present and open with all humanity as I allow life to pass through without the barriers that hold me back from fully being here.
Am I always in peace? No, I am not. Yet I can always hold myself with a peace that accepts who and what I am feeling in the moment. This feeling of acceptance allows the light to shine on my feelings and opens my heart to receiving this life that gives and gives and gives. Through this connection we can begin to see the world around us reflecting back the messages that show us the way. If we just let go of control, a higher power - the source of all creation - will guide us. This power is felt as energy moving us downstream with ease, unless we stop it from flowing within us.
Last night I called my sister who was staying with our father for the weekend. My father is slowly dying as each day brings him more challenges. Another stroke has taken away more of his capabilities. He has to have 24 hr. care and he is dependent on others to take care of all his physical needs. He accepts his limitations and continues to find the silver lining in every sacred day. He hardly complains. He is so appreciative of all that helps him through his days.
Ram Dass has a book called "Still Here," which he wrote after suffering a stroke at a very young age. My father is still here. He has had so many strokes, I am amazed that he is still here. With each episode he loses another function of his body yet his mind is fully clear and present. He has had countless set-backs. In the past he used to say, "I will be better tomorrow" and slowly he would rise up to bring himself back. The weaknesses were just a temporary slow-down. Now after all of the ways that he has been knocked down, I see that he can only do so much. He is facing this stage of his life with courage.
I live far away yet when I drop into my heart, I feel myself right in the room with him. My heart holds him just as he held me when I was a child. Even when he was out of the house working hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, I felt that love my dad had for his family. I never had to worry that I would be out on the street with nothing to eat, no clothes to wear. That was never even a thought in my mind. My father's commitment to doing what he had to do was born out of a love that I felt deeply and securely. It wrapped around me like a warm shawl on a cold night. I know this now and here I am years later receiving more fully how our father loved us.
As I let myself merge with my inner child, I receive the love of my father -- putting on the clothes that were hanging in the closet - clothes paid for by his hard work; sitting in the kitchen filling myself with food that he worked hard for; safe in a house that was built and adorned with all that we could ever need.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime to receive the love that has always been there. Often we can be so distracted by our own emotional needs that we fail to recognize the gifts already giving us life. This energy is flowing through every part of this world.
Tears roll down my cheeks as I feel with great love that same security that God gives me every day. I don't always see what is here. I am too busy trying to control my life to pay attention to all that is here in this moment.
Would I have liked my father home more, playing with me when I was a child? Yes, of course I would. We would all wait for him to come home then would race into his arms eager to feel his strong arms wrap around us and his attention shower down upon us. Yes that was important too! He was bigger than life and the long days without him felt better as soon as he walked through the door.
Yet life brings reality and sometimes after battles lost, he did not have the energy to give anything to us. Those are the days we want to forget - when staying away from home was easier than facing us; when he couldn't be our savior. He did his best through life's ups and downs, which are now memories stored within him.
In these last days of his precious life he cannot hear with his physical ears. He shares with us those memories and all that he chooses to embrace and look at. His life review is between him and his God yet as he opens to us, all together or individually, we are brought into his stories again and again. We listen with attentive hearts blessed to know this man more deeply. He is like a young boy at times sharing his fears and regrets. Slowly we see him letting go of all that he has not forgiven. We see him as a man, no different than any of us, trying to understand his life. He longs for his wife. He misses her. He confesses parts of his past and relives the parts that gave him joy. I wait with baited breath to hear him talk of things that I have not heard before.
These times are so precious and healing. As my siblings and I watch his dying process, we are brought to ourselves more deeply. He is so kind. He is so soft as I crawl into his hospital bed with him and nuzzle into his shoulders and chest listening to him breathe. This man was given to me by God to be my Dad. His physical body is not strong anymore but his heart is so big that he wraps me up with a love that will never die. He fades away in his body yet his spirit is so alive and still saying the same thing his love has always said to me: "It's all okay, Frannie. You healed yourself and now you can help others find that same healing power that's within them."
As I receive myself today, I am humbled by the message that has been written through my hands. I listen as each word spills out of me like a love letter from the heavens.
Today I feel this love that was always there in everything around me as my father lived his life the best he could. This love is like God's love, always there waiting for us to receive it. As I welcome the healing words that bring me closer to myself, I sit thousands of miles away from my father. Within my heart I now feel this love wrapping him up. I am with him as he leaves this world knowing that his children are okay. I am blessed to drink in all that has ever been given to me as I receive with eyes that see, ears that hear and a heart that feels how loved I am by you dear Father.
