I gaze down at my phone, reading a text from my girlfriend Janet that her sister Shirl is in a coma. My heart seems to stop for a few seconds with this shocking news. I go outside to my favorite spot in the garden to pray. I lean into my thoughts of her as memories pour into me. Those moments when her eyes would get so big and full of passion as she talked about moving to Italy and learning the Italian language. Her fiery spirit, so full of conviction for humanity and animals, always touched me deeply. I loved how she would help me in my garden and always knew exactly how to do those things that needed to be done, like fixing my sprinkler system. Her nickname was Shirl Bird, given to her by her father.
A couple of days later, I hear from Janet that Shirl had died. I go outside and listen to the quiet and feel the preciousness of life. Suddenly a mockingbird begins to sing loudly as the wind begins to blow stronger against the branches of the Bismarck palm behind me where the bird is sitting. A mockingbird sings the song of many birds and as the songs gets louder, I acknowledge that this is the spirit of my friend. In that moment, calmness happens inside me and the wind settles down. The tears come easily, as I think of her and her family. Shirl’s beautiful spirit, with such childlike innocence, fills my garden with her energy. The bird’s music gets louder, as I listen more deeply. I hear Shirl say, “I’m okay. No worries! Be happy sweet family for I am flying free. Be Happy.”
My body is vibrating in this feeling of Oneness with Spirit as her voice touches me like the sounds of the mockingbird that continues to sing. I am wrapped in the most beautiful sounds of this living world as I lean into the vastness of this endless sky that is within and around me. I feel the love of my dear friend who has dropped her body. The tears begin to flow.
This is the mystery. The undeniable presence where the secret of death is, by no mistake, hidden from us. This I acknowledge as I enter the moment with my breath, aware of my fear of death. I arrive at the doorway of all my feelings. I sit inside this human experience remembering when my husband Steve departed, remembering when my mother and father took their last breath. Remembering the moment when death took away my loved ones and the loneliness and absence of their life brought grief like nothing else could.
Walking the beach, the sounds of the waves alight inside of me. I commune with all that is present as nature untangles my busy mind. I soften my gaze as I come back to myself, come home to where I belong, to the of comfort in my own heart. I trust in my humanness and allow my heart’s truth to be revealed. I receive the invitation to glimpse the fullness of my own presence and express it in ways that create and give thanks to the Divine. This greater generous heart takes a deep breath and says yes, I am here, as the space inside opens and the sacred whispers, “Do not be afraid…”.
