Be the Change

I’m standing at my kitchen counter waiting for my test results. It’s part of my routine physical. I know in every fiber of my being that I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. So why do I feel so anxious?

Finally the phone rings and the results confirm what I already know—everything is normal.

A dam inside me breaks as my joy and relief spill out through my happy tears.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told my liver was not normal. And year after year after year, the test results have supported that claim. I have dedicated much of my life to serving humanity by allowing myself, to the best of my ability, to be a vessel so that God can work with me and through me. A big part of my commitment involves lifestyle choices that support the healthy growth and healing of my mind, body, and spirit. At times it is hard to stay on the path of what we want, especially when others around us have lost their own battles.

Guilt sometimes swallows me up, as I wonder why I should believe I could get well when loved ones have remained sick or even died.

We have the ability to change ourselves, and only we can do it. If you change how you think then you will change how you feel, and then choose a more helpful response. Meditation helps us to be the change we wish to see in the world.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I reach with my mind and heart as I pray: Dear God, let me be an instrument of your peace. Help me to share your divine loving presence as I trust that I can stay open to whatever I meet today.

I breathe into my body and receive myself. Then I quietly rise up out of bed in the darkness of the bedroom and fumble my way to the living room. Putting on my robe, I ease into my favorite chair. No one can calm me and bring me peace except God. I know that being calm and quiet not only serves me, but I am sure God can make better use of me, as well.

I settle into my body and feel whatever is lurking in the deepest parts of my being. I know answers to any of my problems come when I am willing to face my uncomfortable feelings and difficult thoughts. When I stay with these shameful hurts and pains within, something inside softens. The fear of staying here loosens its hold and breathing begins to quiet the mind allowing the dense thought-forms to fall away. I know that the only way out of my self-imposed pain is to go inward to hold it. When I listen with the ear of my heart, the still small voices of inner wisdom reveals what is nourishing.

As I pray and contemplate this connection inside, I find the strength that helps me handle the darkness of the inner and outer world. I also feel that meditation can help us handle all of the powerful light that is coming in at this time.

As we are called to live bigger and brighter, sometimes our resistance gets bigger, as well.

I witness how afraid we are to live our truest potential. We are afraid to fully let our light shine. Our addictions keep us trapped and muted. Can we be love with conviction? Can we see the miracle we are just by choosing to be peace? Can we open our hearts and share this food that light offers to the hungry? I think we all want that peace but first we must forgive the past by recognizing unhealthy emotional patterns. Can we let go of those moments that brought us to our knees when we uncovered the lie of unworthiness? Forgiving is part of the process as we begin to view the world through the lenses of new thought.

Living love and being the light for another is truly a gift. Nowhere on this earth have I experienced this gift more profoundly than when I have stood before the one people call John of God. He embodies the words that Mahatma Gandhi speaks of:

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

I have been to Brazil to visit John of God two times before. Yet this trip brought me to understand more deeply how living to serve this food called love is our greatest gift. When I speak of love here, I mean divine love, God’s love. I believe that life brings us to more of it if we can be in the direct experience of any given moment. In the present moment, if we accept who we are, with all our fears and all our shame and guilt, then we will see that our feelings do not have to separate us. We can join together in the one mind.

My father died the day after my arrival in Abadiania, Brazil. It pushed me deeply into grief as I longed to touch my father again. I wanted to feel his spirit with me. I prayed and meditated. I walked in silence as my intention to be more present revealed many thoughts and feelings. I felt, I cried, I allowed myself to just be with me. I was so willing to heal my inner world and my body.

As I look around the hall where many wait to see Joao De Deus (John of God), I am humbled by these brave souls in wheel chairs, on crutches, and being carried. The sick and the dying, the searchers for truth all gather in this sacred holy place called Casa de Dom Inacio de Loyola. Everyone wears white; we are all the same here. We take our turn to stand in the presence of a man who has committed his life to the healing of the collective society. As a medium for God, he becomes a hollow reed. Medium Joao, as he likes to be called, radiates unconditional love that heals those who need healing. In the presence of this love, fear dissolves.

If enough of us stand in the light of true love, not simplistic love, but strong divine love, then there is peace and this creates a force field of healing light.

My group is called and slowly I walk in the line that brings us into the Entities Current room where John is. I feel held in the arms of the angels as I observe so many people sitting in pews meditating and radiating their love and support. The walls are crowded from floor to ceiling with holy pictures of Saints and music fills the air. It feels like a sacred pilgrimage to meet God through the eyes of Joao De Deus. For 48 years he has participated in the healing of over 8 million people.

When we give ourselves this deeper connection we can open up to the entire world. We can give and live for others from this full cup. I saw it when I stood in front of John. The light of God was spilling out of him like an endlessly flowing river. He was connected inward and sharing from this place where God meets us all. His words, so simple and yet profoundly truthful and filled with spirit, touched my heart and I melted into the love of my dad within this timeless sacred moment. I was changed in a holy instant.

No matter who we are, we have things to do to fulfill the calling of our souls. We are called to be authentically ourselves as best as we can be. We are challenged each day to dig deeper into ourselves to find out who we really are and to choose to live truthfully. Each of us, no matter who we are, can align ourselves with a better idea. All of us need more quiet time, not to retreat from the world but to merge with the treasures and richness that is flowing through our very being.

How will we hold the challenges and limitations that are given to us? When the resistance to the moment falls away, we are forever changed. We are the doorway as love enters this world through each of us individually as we join together as one. The joining creates a gateway where light enters to bring many treasures through our gaze, through our eyes, through our touch and through our words. We are the messengers as we let go of the past and allow the present moment to be all that is. When we look into the mirror that this world is, who we are is reflected back and we have another opportunity to share the truth that only the heart can receive.

Follow your dream and fully be yourself as you let what you do fill you with enthusiasm. You are brave the moment you enter inside, letting go of what holds you back from fully being here as yourself. Follow your heart for it is the gateway into the power of love that nurtures this dream as you become an instrument for God. You are the change.

This article by Frannie Hoffman was published in Transformation Magazine's January 2012 issue! http://www.suncoasttransformation.com/online/?p=2008

Listening to the Voice

I wake up and glance at the clock. It’s 4:45 am and still pitch black. It is so quiet and usually I like to write in the early hours but for some reason I don’t want to get up.  I hear a voice inward say, “go back to sleep Frannie.” I close my eyes, praying as I do, asking God to show me the way. It seems like minutes have gone by as I wake up in a lucid dream.  I am all alone in a cave like structure. The darkness hovers around my shoulders as I move closer to the stone wall in front of me. I feel compelled to reach out and touch the rough surface as my eyes move across the images that look like a child’s scribbles.  These simple lines and symbols draw me in, one image at a time.  Light illuminates each one as I am taken into its secret.  I am absolutely alert as I drink in the etched pictures and lines that seem to be transmitting mystical knowledge. There is no urgency to try to figure it all out because I know that would bring me into my head and out of the visions that take me where they will. I am getting a glimpse into another lifetime yet I also feel myself in my bed sleeping. It might only be minutes that I am in this state yet it feels like an eternity. I continue to drink it all in until I open my eyes and come into my body with ease. How long did I stand there? I don’t know because I was spellbound.  

When I do rise it’s to the sweet sound of the doves and the dim light of the early dawn. Pulling my robe around me, I stumble to the computer with sleep still in my eyes. I feel compelled to write about my mother- Susan Hoffman- and as my fingers effortlessly dance across the keys I realize that my inner voice, the one that had me slip back into that lucid dream, could be the same voice my mother listened to the day she was told that she could not have any more children. It was not the voice of the doctor. What she heard within her heart was another voice, the inner voice that speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart. Like an oracle who only speaks the truth, this connection with the cosmos is a love beyond human love. It is divine; this love that created us all. This God that is beyond any form and yet we all try to express it through myriad ways. That day, my mother did not listen to the doctor’s grim prognosis; instead she listened to that still voice inside of her that told her to ask for what she wanted. She wanted children. 

As I write I can see her arriving at the bottom of the steps of St. Joseph’s Oratory in Quebec.  Sue is committed to this pilgrimage she is about to embark on. Deep down inside she knows that prayer is the only thing she can do now. As she looks around she sees crutches and wheelchairs lined up beside the long staircase up to the chapel. This reminds her that miracles do happen here. Her heart has been grieving the loss of her little boy who had been stillborn just months before. Her husband Phil is by her side yet her focus is within.  A woman with twins walks in front of her. She looks at Phil without saying a word. She knows she will pray for twins. With rosary in hand she touches each round stone as the Our Fathers and Hail Marys roll off her tongue like the music of the angels. Her faith is strong. No one can take her away from her deep desire to be a mother. One step at a time, she anchors in the love that is guiding her here to trust in the divine. Phil prays with her for a few steps and then bends tenderly to her ear and whispers, “I will meet you in the bar at the hotel. Take all the time you need. I will be waiting for you”.  He leaves and as he walks away, Phil looks back at her with deep devotion. Her beauty takes his breath away. She is the love of his life and he knows that there is nothing he can do to make her happy right now. He can’t fake it and pray. He still holds the anger for the priest who would not bless the grave because his beautiful and perfect baby boy was born dead.  God feels far away for him right now and a cold drink is what he needs. 

There are so many steps to climb. Sue is dedicated to talking to God and she trusts her prayers will be heard. She feels the presence wrapping around her like a shawl. Tears caress her face for as she is mourning the death of her child she feels the longing to birth another child. This crowded sanctuary does not distract her in anyway. She feels as if she is alone with God, being led by a spirit that is bigger than anything of this world. It all feels so holy as she shares this intimate experience with strangers all coming for the same purpose.  Each person is a companion on this pilgrimage. Is it God’s plan for her to have children? Inside her heart she trusts that it is so.

That night we were conceived. I say we because, 9 months later our mother gave birth to triplets. Francine, Colleen and Philomene. Yes, a miracle took place that day. The story is told that our mother prayed for twins and dad threw in an extra prayer, so there were three.

It’s now light outside and I leave the computer and reach into my jewelry box and there sits the pendant that my mother bought the day we were conceived. I put it around my neck. My hand lifts up to the round locket with a picture of Mother Mary engraved on the front. As I slide it open there is the tiniest inscription of the Lord’s Prayer in full. I can hardly make it out. On the back are my mother’s initials SH. I am brought into her loving embrace as I wrap my hands around this locket, warm with the realization of how precious my life and the lives of my sisters are.

I believe that dreams bring us guidance.  After I had that lucid one where I stood in front of that stone wall gazing at the symbols inscribed I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Usually I write my dreams in a journal as soon as I open my eyes or I will lose them.  With this dream I had total recall and a strong sense that I was receiving information. I felt as if I was right there, touching the stone and feeling a part of something much bigger than my eyes could see. The dream was directing me. Looking up the symbol of ‘rock’ I read its meaning: strength, grounding, personal power. Just prior to falling asleep the night before, I asked for direction in writing a book with my sisters. It was our time now to move into the world together. We had been on our separate journeys, healing our childhood wounds, raising children and developing careers and learning to follow and trust that precious voice that guides us. I felt inspired with this dream that was taking me to a higher level of consciousness. I quickly got dressed to go to work and the words rose up in my heart, “ask and you will receive.” 

Arriving at the office I was moved to share the dream with my first client and friend Kitty who then said she studied the origin of language. I did not know this about her. My excitement grew as she told me that she would help me decipher the word hieroglyphics. Later that day, she sent me this information that seemed to fit in so well with all that I was trying to understand.

…Origin of the word hieroglyphics: “hieros” means sacred and “glypho” means carve or engrave. Hieroglyphics were sacred in ancient times because they were always associated with priests and priestesses. The definition is actually “a symbol or picture used in a writing system to denote an object, concept, sound, or sequence of sounds.” Then Kitty wrote in her email, “it was a way of communicating before there were words- just like you did with Colleen and Philomene when you were still in the womb.” I liked that. It just showed me again how divine it all seems to be when you are open to see all the pieces that begin to fall into place.

Can we trust that voice? What voice you might say?  When the doctor told my mom she could not have any more babies, she did not listen to him. She listened to the voice of her heart. She had fear and she had lots of grief and yet with her great faith she prayed and connected to a love beyond all of our understandings.  God was right there guiding her way with deep love.

-Excerpt from upcoming book with Frannie’s triplet sisters “Three Voices, One Message”, www.3voices1truth.com

Your Grateful Heart Is the Gate Way- 11:11:11

Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other peoples thinking.

Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition… they somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

(1955-2011)

I’m standing at my kitchen counter waiting for my test results. It’s part of my routine physical. I know in every fiber of my being that I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. So why do I feel so anxious?

Finally the phone rings and the results confirm what I already know – everything is normal. A dam inside me breaks as my joy and relief spill out through my happy tears. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told my liver was not normal. And year after year after year, the test results have supported that claim. As many of you already know, I have dedicated much of my life to serving humanity by allowing myself, to the best of my ability, to be a vessel so that God can work with me and through me. A big part of my commitment involves lifestyle choices that support the healthy growth and healing of my mind, body and spirit. At times it is hard to stay on the path of what we want, especially when others around us have lost their own battles. Guilt sometimes swallows me up as I wonder why I should believe I could get well when loved ones have remained sick or even died.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I reach with my mind and heart to God as I pray: Dear God, let me be an instrument of your peace. Help me to share your divine loving presence as I trust that I can stay open to whatever I meet today.

I breathe into my body and receive myself. Then I quietly rise up out of bed in the darkness of the bedroom and fumble my way to the living room. Putting on my robe, I ease into my favorite chair. No one can calm me and bring me peace except God. I know that being calm and quiet not only serves me but I am sure God can make better use of me, as well.

I settle into my body and feel whatever is lurking in the deepest parts of my being. I know answers to any of my problems come when I am willing to face my uncomfortable feelings and difficult thoughts. When I stay with these shameful hurts and pains within, something inside softens. The fear of staying here loosens its hold and breathing begins to quiet the mind allowing the dense thought-forms to fall away. I know that the only way out of my self-imposed pain is to go inward to hold it. Here I begin to remember that I am a child of God.

 As I pray and contemplate this connection inside, I find the inner strength that helps me handle the darkness of the world. I also feel that meditation can help us handle all of the powerful light that is coming in at this time. As we are called to live bigger and brighter, sometimes our resistance gets bigger, as well. I witness how afraid we are to live our truest potential. We are afraid to fully let our light shine. Our addictions keep us trapped and muted. Can we be love with conviction? Can we see the miracle we are just by choosing to be peace? Can we open our hearts and share this food that light offers to the hungry? I think we all want that peace but first we must forgive the past. Can we let go of those moments that brought us to our knees when we uncovered the lie of unworthiness? Forgiving is part of the miracle.

Living love and being the light for another is truly a gift. Nowhere on this earth have I experienced this gift more profoundly than when I have stood before the one people call John of God.

I have been to Brazil to visit John of God two times before. Yet this trip brought me to understand more deeply how living to serve this food called love is our greatest gift. When I speak of love here, I mean divine love, God’s love. I believe that life brings us to more of it if we can be in the direct experience of any given moment. In the present moment, if we accept who we are, with all our fears and all our shame, then we will see that our feelings do not have to separate us. We can join together in the one mind of God.

As I look around the hall where many wait to see John of God, I am humbled by these brave souls in wheel chairs, on crutches and being carried. The sick and the dying, the searchers for truth all gather in this sacred holy place called Casa de Dom Inacio de Loyola in Abadiania, Brazil. Everyone wears white; we are all the same here. We take our turn to stand in the presence of a man who has committed his life to the healing of the collective society.  As a medium for God, he becomes a hollow reed. Medium Joao radiates unconditional love that heals those who need healing. In the presence of this love, fear dissolves. If enough of us stand in the light of true love, not simplistic love, but strong divine God love, then there is peace and this creates a force field of healing light.

No matter who we are, we have things to do to fulfill the calling of our souls. We are called to be authentically ourselves as best as we can be. We are challenged each day to dig deeper into ourselves to find out who we really are and to choose to live differently. Each of us, no matter who we are, can align ourselves with a better idea. All of us need more quiet time, not to retreat from the world but to merge with the treasures and richness of just being.

My father died the day after my arrival in Abadiania. It pushed me deeply into grief as I longed to touch my father again. I wanted to feel his spirit with me. I prayed and meditated. I walked in silence as my intention to be more present revealed many thoughts and feelings. I felt, I cried, I allowed myself to just be with me.

My friend Kristine and I were waiting our turn to stand before John of God. I left my seat to take a walk on the beautiful grounds outside the hall. Thousands were there that day because it was the week of John’s birthday. As I walked, I was drawn to the grotto where there are statues of saints and flowering bushes. Tears flowing down my face, I talk to my dad. I miss him and feel so far away from home. I begin talking as if he were right there.  “I know you are around me dad. I know you are here with me in spirit but do you think you could give me another physical visitation?” After he died his spirit visited me as a hummingbird and the joy of that moment was so healing for me. Was it too soon for me to ask him to be with me? Am I pulling him away from something more important? I just wanted him here and hoped that another hummingbird might grace the moment with its splendor. I waited and I waited and I waited. Finally, as I went back into the hall where I left Kristine, inside my head I hear a voice say, “when you go inside, someone will approach you to sit in your chair and you will let them.” This voice is so much louder and clearer here in Brazil. 

Kristine took her turn to stretch her legs. Within a few minutes a beautiful, tall young woman in her 30s with a crutch under her arm approached me and asked if she could sit on the vacant chair. I looked up with great satisfaction and said, “Yes, sit here in my chair.” The woman who had just taken my seat reached over and held my name tag in her hand and looked into my eyes saying with a German accent, “Frannie Hoffman!” I nodded yes. She then bent closer and said, “I am Katharin Hoffman.” I gasped as tears and excitement moved me to hold her hand and say, “I just asked my dad to give me a sign that he was here with me. YOU are the messenger. My dad’s name is Phil Hoffman.” She replied with bright eyes, “In the town I live in, almost everyone is named Hoffman.” We held each other like long lost relatives. Out of all these people, I heard the guidance to answer my prayer. Dad was right here and meeting me through the eyes of this beautiful soul. She had to be listening to her guidance too! She heard and found herself at this meeting place where God spoke louder than anything else. We exchanged emails and then I was called to make my way through the current room to stand before John of God. My heart was so open and full of this love that I have with my father and this miracle that just took place. He made his way to me through Katharin Hoffman. I felt so humbled by the purity of the moment. How easy it was to ask and then receive the truth. I am here with you, right by your side.

 I walked slowly in the line feeling like I was being carried by angels. I listened to the prayers being spoken in Portuguese. I felt the love of so many sitting in pews meditating and radiating their love and support. The walls were filled with holy pictures and music filled the air. It feels like a sacred pilgrimage to meet God through the eyes of Joas De Deus (John of God). For 48 years he has participated in the healing of over 8 million people. 

When we give ourselves this deeper connection we can open up to the entire world. We can give and live for others from this full cup. I saw it when I stood in front of John in God. The light of God was spilling out of him like an endlessly flowing river. He was connected inward and sharing from this place where God meets us all. His words, so simple and yet profoundly truthful and filled with spirit, touched the hearts that were open to receive.

When the resistance to the moment falls away, we are the opening. We are the doorway as love enters this world through each of us individually as we join together as one. The joining creates a gateway where light enters to bring many treasures through our gaze, through our eyes, through our touch and through our words. We are the messengers as we let go of the past and allow the present moment to be all that is. When we look into the mirror that this world is, who we are is reflected back and we have another opportunity to share the truth that only the heart can receive.  Follow your dream and fully be yourself as you let what you do fill you with enthusiasm. You are brave the moment you enter inside, letting go of what holds you back from fully being here as yourself. Follow your heart for it is the gateway into the power of love that nurtures this dream as you become an instrument for God.

During this Thanksgiving season I am so grateful for the trip to John of God and this sacred journey I have been on to receive the miracle of a healed body.  My soul’s desire at this time is to assist in lifting the consciousness of the planet into greater levels of compassion, loving service, and wisdom.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

All my love,

Frannie

Come Walk With Me

I invite you to choose to turn inward with me into a world that waits patiently for your return. I welcome you into your sacred heart where love abides. I ask you to surrender the battles within and rise up through the ashes of your past as we join together in oneness. We are not alone. We all have countless beings that move along this path with us. Everyone talks about the ending of duality. It is now. To join forces within as the ego loses its power in the conscious connection to who we truly are. Each of us are children of God. Each of us are worthy to walk the path that lights the way for all.

There is such ugliness in the world. There are senseless wars, murders, hunger, and diseases that we cannot understand. There is so much pain and suffering and darkness that can stop us from wanting to venture ahead in life. It seems endless and overwhelming. These senseless acts that awaken us, the battles that we create when all it is we truly want is peace. It all seems so difficult when we think that we have to do it alone.

Each of you have a responsibility to move into your own battles within. To touch deeply your own pain and suffering and release it. To let it go as you hold it with unconditional love. To see that everyone is a reflection for you as you let your true nature be realized. To drink in this new day as if it was the first day of your life and ask within to be guided by the spirit of your own understanding. To listen deeply to the silent place with the mind that welcomes a new moment to see with the eyes of your heart. You have the opportunity to share a gift of life today.

This is the time that you have been waiting for; to enter into your lives with great consciousness. Allow the presence that gives life, to touch the world through each one of you. It happens one step at a time, one breath at a time, one thought at a time. It is waiting for you to show up and believe in yourself. To take the hand of love that created worlds and let it move you into the day with a greater knowing that you can choose this life you are a part of.

Listen deeply to the way spirit speaks to you. Listen to the way you are shown the simple truths that only the heart can embrace. Let yourself see with these inner eyes that observe this life as another moment where light is woven into the tapestry of every event and life circumstance and every person on your path. Here you will see the reflection of an inner world that knows only peace. Let us join together singing praises to the Universe where God lives within every part of creation.

( Meditation from upcoming book: Three Voices, One Truth www.3voices1truth.com) 

All my love, 

Frannie

As The Clock Ticks

Hummingbird…
Come to me and spread your joy
I am the nectar you crave
I will bloom and become more
Because of the love you share.

It is always an honor for me to be brought to the bedside of the dying. Each beautiful soul prepared me so I could be present with my mother as she transitioned from this world one and a half years ago. I cannot imagine how fearful I might have been had I not been with these great teachers who showed me how to embrace the dying process.

Months ago my father had brief moments on the other side. He would stop breathing for quite a while as we would stand near him wondering if this was it. Would he return or now choose to leave? He came back saying he saw mom, and she told him that she forgave him and God forgives him too. Another time, he said, with great clarity that after he dies he would come back as a hummingbird. He was excited with this knowingness and asked each of his children to get a hibiscus tree and plant it near a window because, as soon as he could, he would visit us.

Now the doctor has announced to my father that there is nothing that can be done for him and he has given Dad permission to let go and die.

As I lay awake in the wee hours of the night, my mind shows me a life review with my dad. I see him when I was young as he turns his head and smiles at me. Years stream by as I watch this slide show of moments that I have forgotten. They rise up in me without using my thinking mind. The story unfolds from deep within me as I hold myself tenderly and feel the deep love.

How great it is to remember this love and the sweet moments with Dad, like when I would jump up on his lap when he was sitting in his favorite lounge chair. I can still feel him holding me. He was young and strong. It is always amazing to me that the body does not know that this moment of feeling was decades ago. I let the feeling bring me to my heart and connect deeply to this love that will never die.

As the clock ticks and the days slip by, I realize that we are all moving closer to our own transition.

I cannot imagine a life without knowing about my spirit. This incredible life, with all of its ups and downs, has given me the opportunity of inner growth which has helped me to become the person I am meant to be. Each day I live knowing that every moment can unfold divinely. I have learned to trust instead of trying to control (unsuccessfully) out of fear. Buddhist nun and teacher Pema Chodron continues to remind us to turn inward to the fear; to sit with it and let the feeling of unworthiness be there. Can we hold ourselves tender-heartedly and just be okay with this feeling?

Sitting beside the friends who welcomed me into their last stages of life in a body, I was shown the gift of living in the now. Filling the moment with useless chatter had no place there.

These moments were holy, and the silence between us spoke louder and clearer than any words or thoughts could possibly convey. I would listen inward and hear the importance of the moment.

I can say to you right now that I am not afraid of death. I have been shown the other side, or rooms on the other side, of the veil. As I move more deeply inside my own connection to myself, I’m moved beyond the confines of my human body. This feeling is so freeing. Here I feel that we are so much more than these bodies, that we are not alone. Here is where we can be fully present within our own hearts as we join with the heart of all creation.

The dying process is not always about leaving the human body. This transition can occur when moving out of relationships, jobs, or old beliefs that do not serve us. With my father’s dying process, I feel my attachments to him and wonder who I will be when he leaves. Sometimes I wonder if that’s when we really grow up when we become orphans. Upon emerging from my grief over my mother’s passing, I noticed a shift; a new sense of self. How will I feel after Dad goes?

As I sit at the bedside in the last days of my father’s life, a hummingbird appears, drinking the sweet water from the bird feeder that stands bedside the hibiscus plant outside the window. My brother said to me that Dad knows who he will be after he dies, and maybe I am the flower he craves.

This transformational experience can be as simple as moving inward to allow more of your spiritual self to be consciously embraced as who you truly are. Then the lies that once held you prisoner begin to lose their hold. Old aspects of self that are chained to past pain and dysfunctional behavior can die away. The cycle of life and death bring endless opportunities for us to be more fully connected and more fully here. These moments unfold all around us in this worldly life and can focus our awareness on the spiritual life that is always a breath away.

As I look at my father, his eyes wide open yet he is in a deep sleep. I keep speaking to him because on some level I know he hears me. I thank him for this beautiful life that I have because of him. How grateful I am that my father always received my gifts and allowed me to be myself. Even though he doubted his own relationship with God, he never held me back.

I look out of the window as the hummingbird continues its mission to bring joy. It is quite a show outside Dads window as a blue jay and chipmunk eat out of the same bowl and a swan gracefully glides close by. Dad opens his eyes and sees me.

With a weak voice he says, We had a wonderful life together, didn’t we?

Now the tears are uncontrollable as I rest my face upon his chest. The hummingbird is right there as my father and I taste the sweet succulent nectar of love. I feel this timeless place where I commune with all that participates in these precious moments that will never be forgotten. Looking into his eyes I whisper, “Go now to the light my sweet Father and know that your children are just fine.”

Now days later, as I walk down the country road in Abadiania, Brazil just hours after my father’s passing, I look up at the hibiscus trees that line up on the road beside me. There he is, the biggest and most beautiful hummingbird showing its beauty as it hops from one branch to another. My body vibrates as if I have plugged myself into a light socket and the love pours through me. Hello my dad, thank you for coming. In deep gratitude I cry joyous tears.

This story was published in Transformation Magazine's July 2011 issue: www.suncoasttransformation.com

My Daily Palette

I consider myself an artist. As a child I wanted to be an art teacher because I loved to draw and paint. When I was asked by my 4th grade teacher to stand before the class and share with the other children what I wanted to be when I grew up, I searched inside my heart and found what I believed would be my calling.  I never truly became an art teacher in the school system. Instead I inspired my own children to create in their own ways. I opened my home to their friends as we did after school programs creating in all kinds of art forms. For years I held meditation circles, helping others to open up to the energy within, that helps one to see themselves in the light of truth.  I just wanted to share what had inspired me to get in touch with creation within. To help another to change their thinking to support their hearts helped me to live on purpose.

Life seems to set us up with our own palette of experiences.

We have so many choices in how we perceive what is in front of us. We can move inside and feel it all and allow the resistance to melt away as the light begins to shine the colors of new opportunities and ideas.  Here each of us can paint another picture of ourselves and the life we desire to live.

Drawing, painting and writing seem to be what inspired me to create from the insides of myself and communicate what I am feeling. I don’t always fulfill my own wishes as life pulls me in all sorts of directions. Yet, whenever I choose to sit down with myself and be open to what I am feeling as I ground myself in the energy that begins to flow through me, I want to express this life that seems to be touching every cell of my being.

Meditation is a way to soften what we think we are seeing. It helps us to let go of the looping mind that wants to create from the past. As we are aware of our breath and breathe consciously in to the body, we can let go of what is hanging on so tight. We can feel the comfort of spirit holding us up as we surrender deeper into what calls our name. Then, without control, we become an opening. The senses come alive and the voice of silence whispers softly to our hearts. There is a comfort here for we realize how we have been distracted from our deepest calling to just be here now. We feel at home once again within the chambers of our heart. Listening deeply we begin to see with more clarity. This is the food that gives life.

When I allow myself to move inside in this way, it feels like I am communicating with a higher state of being that is present within me whenever I am with myself for more than a few minutes. To deeply connect to the stillness within me is like paddling down the river at my cottage in Northern Ontario, as every stroke of the paddle brings me to where I will anchor myself to the shore as I pull my boat up on the rocks. Here is where I can sit in silent pleasure. Listening to what calls me inward as the voices of spirit dance all around me, and within, like a familiar song.

This day is always for me. To paint on the canvas of my mind and heart. To deliver myself into the flow of the river of life that is unfolding before my very eyes. What will I see? How will I meet the world that gives me back to myself, again and again?
I have so many choices as how to participate with the day. I could easily be pulled into another’s drama and how easily this happens because I care for so many. Yet, for me, I do know that I can observe the outer experiences that unveil themselves at every turn. With compassion my heart can hold another as I share what is spilling out of me as love and understanding.

It is a world filled with challenges and struggles. It is a world where there seems to be one battle after another and sometimes the heart closes to hope in the darkness of all of the tomorrows. I see it all around me and sometimes it is overwhelming and all of the joys are hidden by the pain and suffering of another or of our own conflicts within the mind.

It isn’t for me to fix the world. Why would I be so arrogant to think that it has to be changed? I think this would be an endless task. I choose to believe that it is my own state of being that desires to be brought back into balance. The world will continue to be as it is and for me it can be a great reflection from moment to moment.

It is wonderful indeed when I can change my focus to create from what feels good inside of me. To find that sweet spot within my heart that always calls me home to what is flowing with great ease. It is where I create from and begin to see with the eyes of truth. Here I breathe deeply to understand that all is moving in its own way to become something. It is out of my hands and put into the hands of God who always knows so much more than me.

Just take a look around you. Look at the way the sun reflects on the trees. See the colors of the leaves and the flowers bursting out in the early morning light. Drink in the sounds of nature creating at its very best as we bow to the One who paints this incredible backdrop for our day to unfold.

And for you my friend, it will unfold. We can’t imagine what will be given today; this new day opens you up to so much more.
A day that holds the mystery.

I pray for peace and call forth the ever present hand of God to touch you in ways that take your breath away. To see that every part of life has a gift to share with you and may it help you see and feel the love that creates worlds.

Today I paint a picture in my heart that fills me up with the power that moves me from the inside to the outside. In the authority of my spirit I stand strong in the knowing that all is well within my mind as I grow fully into the light of this new day that joins my heart with all humanity.

This story was published in Transformation Magazine's June issue: www.suncoasttransformation.com

I’ll See You Again

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” -Rumi

Sitting in the overcrowded plane, I feel confined and bothered by the noises that seem to get louder and louder. I learned years ago that the distracting noises, like a dog’s incessant barking or my husband’s snoring need not take me away from my inner peace. I shut my eyes and move inside to find solace. I take a deep breath and begin to drink in the sweet presence that is waiting for my connection.    

When I open my eyes I feel more comfortable. As I press my forehead against the window, “the sky’s the limit” echoes inside my head. The icy cold window sends shivers up and down my spine while the site of land meeting sky takes my breath away. 

Just this morning I was at my family’s cabin in Northern Ontario where the earth was covered with a blanket of snow. Outside blue jays, finches and a black squirrel were eating the seeds placed each morning on the deck. My father likes to sit at the window in his wheel chair and watch these delightful creatures. 

But last night, dad had difficulty breathing and today he looks weak in spirit and body.  Usually he laughs with joy at the frolics of the squirrels and birds but this morning he is not interested in the show. I feel his struggle as he tries to feed himself and it pushes hard on me. I take his spoon and carefully place the warmed peaches in his mouth. 

It’s again time to say goodbye, which brings tears to my eyes. My heart is heavy as I focus inward and ask, “Is it okay to leave?” Just days ago my father was on deaths door but yet again he rallied. He has defied all the doctors, nurses and caregivers. His will is beyond anyone I have ever met.

As I stare out of the window, there sits before my father a huge black Raven. My sister calls out “maybe this is a sign that we should not leave?” In dream books the Raven symbolizes fear of the unknown. That is surely true here. I listen inside and allow spirit to lead me. 

“No, it is time for us to leave dad now,” I reply. This decision is such a courageous act for both of us. His wish to die at home has come at great sacrifice for all his children. Although we care for our dad with loving, willing hearts, we feel the toll it has taken both physically and emotionally. It was time to trust the messenger, the Raven, to bring us the energy, courage and strength to move forward, instead of fearing this bird and letting our inner darkness take over. 

Alone with my father in his bedroom, I look into his eyes and tell him I am leaving. He seems unconcerned. I realize that he thinks that Colleen and I are leaving him to fend for himself. I bring in the care giver and show him that he will not be alone. 

After she leaves, I take his face into my hands and mouth the words, “I feel sad, I may never see you again.” I cry and I lay my head upon his chest feeling deeply how hard it is to say goodbye. I sink into the warmth of his skin and take in the moment.  He looks at me and says, “Oh well.” He looks away and shrugs his shoulders. 

I want him to grab me, hold me, tell me that I am the greatest daughter and thank me for stopping my life and coming to be with him again and again. I breathe in and feel the truth that my heart brings me. He loves me. I can’t imagine how it would be for me if my child was leaving my bedside during my last days. I am sure I would be much more dramatic. Instead my father speaks the words that he has said over and over again, “maybe I will get stronger tomorrow.”  

As I leave my child hood home, I look around and I am grateful for this time with my dad. I loved cuddling up with him and watching one of his favorite movies of all time, “The Bridges of Madison County.” Tears rolled down his face as he remembers my mother and their life together. A thought enters my mind - I will continue to come back to him until the moment he let’s go to be with my mother.

When I arrive home I read up on the Raven. The message on the medicine card confirms for me that I was listening to my inner guidance: Raven is the messenger of the void, the seeking of answers that brings an awakening. It also can bring in the new state of wellness as the Raven is the courier to bring that energy flow. A new state of wellness! 

Could that be for my dad? The animal cards I have referred to for years tell me that there is the power of the unknown at work, and something special is about to happen.  The deeper mystery, however, is how you will respond to the moment. Can you recognize it and use it to further enhance your growth?  

As I recall the last moments at my father’s bedside, I could have been devastated by his inability to recognize my needs. Instead I felt my saddened heart and stepped into the light of my spirit. Standing strong in the authority of myself I did not need him to be my source. I looked at my father and saw his need: To be loved just the way he was. My connection to spirit was guiding my way and holding me in great love. I looked into his eyes without saying any words. There I was held by a limitless love that touched my heart. I was meeting him in that field that Rumi spoke about. I waved goodbye.  

Unfortunately, the voice of spirit is not always the dominant voice of the world.  When fear is louder than love, it takes a conscious effort to let the presence of light dissolve the darkness. Fear has no power when we pray to God to be our source.

The Raven showed me that I could trust the mystery. This life that continues to be living within my father seems unlimited as I allow unconditional love to help me see the healing taking place for both of us.

This story was published in Transformational Magazine's May 2011 issue:

www.suncoasttransformation.com

Earth and Heart Entwined

To be of the Earth is to know

the restlessness of being a seed  

the darkness of being planted

the struggle toward the light

the joy of bursting and bearing fruit

the love of being food for someone

the scattering of your seeds

the decay of the seasons

the mystery of death

and the miracle of birth

 ~John Soos

 

 

The Gospel of Thomas reminds me: If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."     

               

I had just returned home from being with my dying father when I received the news that my friend Gene was in his final days at a local Hospice House. My shadowed heart felt sad and heavy, blocking the sunlight of my spirit.  Dialogue with myself and my higher self, opens me to what is within. Writing helps me to release and renew.  And so I write:

 

From the window that looks out into my garden the earth teaches. It just happened to be one of those days you want to be outside. All was a glow in warm, sunny golden light. Glancing at the side yard lawn; it is completely covered with at least 100 or more blackbirds grazing in the grass. I ask "what does it mean? What is the message?"   

 

No need for loud drum rolls! Nature's touch is gentle and I hear her whispers. I am humbled by the simplicity. In the garden surrounding the birds; flowers are bursting forth their magnificence, plants are spreading roots and dropping seeds, blossoms are sprouting on the fruit trees and the air is filled with the fragrance of a splendid spring day. The earth calls us to approach with reverence as she shares her secrets of release and renewal.

 

Easter is upon us and is the season of release and renewal. As plants emerge from the earth, we move towards our spirit. The cycle of life brings us to what never dies.  Awakened to this earth where God is ever present.

 

When overwhelmed by the emotional burdens of difficult circumstances (especially the death of those close to us) it is hard to believe that God or goodness can accompany us here. When not understanding, open the heart to the earth's lessons and be fed and allow it to speak to you.

 

I decide to stop what I am doing and I move towards the beach which is two blocks from my home. I feel pulled as I allow this inner calling to bring me to the water's edge. I look around and take a deep breath in. I never get tired of the beauty. My heart is filled with gratitude that I listened to the way God spoke to me through the birds and nature. The earth feeds my soul.  I settle into my chair and close my eyes as I sink into the earth with a sigh of relief. This is no place to read, write or think. There are no thoughts as I descend into my chair as I feel my tired body.  Once again I look out at the sea and I fall into its spell. With every breath I become open and empty as I release my mind.  My bare feet find its way into the sand as my toes dig in and the warmth covers my skin with a feeling of connection.  I listen to the sound of the wind against the leaves on the trees and the wave's crash against the shore with its own rhythm.  I feel at home here.

 

This earth and all that inhabits it, like the sand, the rocks, the trees, the flowers, fish and birds, are our companions in the dance of life.  We sometimes forget this and as human beings we are too busy with our private agendas and believe that we must fight for what we need.

 

 There are many sacred places of power where I have traveled; like Mt. Shasta, Hawaii, Sedona and even my lake front property in Northern Ontario. Yet if you just stand still on the ground where you are and open yourself to all possibilities, you can feel the earth's healing energy and hear ancient wisdom.

 

Now is the time to look at whether you are allowing yourself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling 'at home' wherever you are. The earth is always present and when we return to the heart, we receive the gift of life that feeds our soul.

 

If you feel that life is overwhelming, take your shoes off and feel your toes in the sand or just go out and hug a tree. While you are at it, see the word earth written in your minds' eye. Take the letter 'h' and move it in front of the 'e'. Now what do you see? ♥

This story was published in Transformational Magazine's April 2011 issue:

www.suncoasttransformation.com