"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love. The wound is the place where the Light enters you. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." Rumi
I walk down the dock this early morning, silently drawn by the hand of my own spirit. I have walked here countless times before where I know that nature, always the same, holds me no matter what I bring from within. It seems that the painful moments of yesterday's were just passageways to more life. Loss has truly been a constant companion and now I am understanding more deeply that the letting go of what was and the allowing of what is becomes the doorway to love.
Two swans sit in front of me. It is such a peaceful moment in time as the warmth of this summer morning brings me home to myself. I am so grateful for this beautiful cottage that holds for me the memories of a life of growing up through all of the challenges that come with this journey.
The sun rises up behind me as it shines its light upon the rippling water. It is so clear I can see the sea weed right to the bottom. I remember, as a child, diving off the dock into the water as the grass brushed up against my skin. I remember when I first opened my eyes under the surface as I glided through and the vision of underwater life thrilled me. Again and again I would climb back onto the dock until I was shivering and my lips were blue. I just wanted to experience it one more time.
The wonder of a child who sees this world with eyes that hold no judgement. When did it all change? How easy it is to just see this world with eyes of the past, projecting that which sees with limitation or scaring the moment with critical voices.
So it is, each time I enter this dock, memories pass by my mind yet I never get tired of the beauty held in these precious moments. Many a time I have sat here to meditate and begin the day, knowing within my breath that I will be nurtured by every sound and gaze. It is where my heart knows that even through the ages of time, deep inside I am still that one that dove into the water 50 or more years ago. My body has changed yet the same joy of being alive is filling me up and my presence is familiar. Nothing distracting me away from the moment where I know who I am.
This pilgrimage through life has made me the person I am yet the spirit of me is unchanging. Maybe I am more awake for sure yet there is a familiar part of me that continues to observe this life as it is. This observer is the witness never changing, just being. I see with an open heart as the fish jump, the birds fly overhead, the swans glide over the rippling waters and the trees stand at attention like a picture frame. I hear the cars in the distance as they move across the gravel road and sounds of cottagers waking up making breakfast as the smell of bacon and coffee moves through the breeze. The cows moo and the crows caw and the music of the water underneath the dock cradles me like a lullaby. The sunlight touches the back of my head as it peeks over me. I look into the blue sky as clouds are painted with brush strokes by a quiet creator. This beautiful painting gives me life and I am inspired to receive it deeply with every breath I take.
Yes, this is home, built by my parents and left for us to enjoy with our children and our children's children. The joy of our family life has continued through the ebb and flow of this journey through the ages and because the falseness has fallen away and the barriers have softened, I come here more alive then ever before because I let life fully in. There is nothing that has separated me from this union where my spirit loved ones join me this day. I am so grateful as I feel the presence of my mother and father and my husband Steve, as I invite it all in.
Happy Birthday to you mom today. You would be 90 years old. I bow to you for I was born through your womb and your pilgrimage has brought me to mine. I continue to walk on and with all the gifts that life has brought me, I am connected to a power that creates worlds as I trust in this life that is unfolding.
We are all on a pilgrimage. A sacred journey where we unveil through our own self imposed barriers and let the walls crumble as the light enters, shining on the path that continues to be life giving. We walk on as we become the one that hears the calling, sharing love in our way through the gifts of being ourselves. As I hear the voice of spirit speak, I receive her message - On this day of birth, you are more because I am more with you.
As this pull from within has drawn me to the end of the dock this morning, I know that my spirit loved ones are here - my heart tells me so!