Listening to the Voice

I wake up and glance at the clock. It’s 4:45 am and still pitch black. It is so quiet and usually I like to write in the early hours but for some reason I don’t want to get up.  I hear a voice inward say, “go back to sleep Frannie.” I close my eyes, praying as I do, asking God to show me the way. It seems like minutes have gone by as I wake up in a lucid dream.  I am all alone in a cave like structure. The darkness hovers around my shoulders as I move closer to the stone wall in front of me. I feel compelled to reach out and touch the rough surface as my eyes move across the images that look like a child’s scribbles.  These simple lines and symbols draw me in, one image at a time.  Light illuminates each one as I am taken into its secret.  I am absolutely alert as I drink in the etched pictures and lines that seem to be transmitting mystical knowledge. There is no urgency to try to figure it all out because I know that would bring me into my head and out of the visions that take me where they will. I am getting a glimpse into another lifetime yet I also feel myself in my bed sleeping. It might only be minutes that I am in this state yet it feels like an eternity. I continue to drink it all in until I open my eyes and come into my body with ease. How long did I stand there? I don’t know because I was spellbound.  

When I do rise it’s to the sweet sound of the doves and the dim light of the early dawn. Pulling my robe around me, I stumble to the computer with sleep still in my eyes. I feel compelled to write about my mother- Susan Hoffman- and as my fingers effortlessly dance across the keys I realize that my inner voice, the one that had me slip back into that lucid dream, could be the same voice my mother listened to the day she was told that she could not have any more children. It was not the voice of the doctor. What she heard within her heart was another voice, the inner voice that speaks not in words but in the wordless language of the heart. Like an oracle who only speaks the truth, this connection with the cosmos is a love beyond human love. It is divine; this love that created us all. This God that is beyond any form and yet we all try to express it through myriad ways. That day, my mother did not listen to the doctor’s grim prognosis; instead she listened to that still voice inside of her that told her to ask for what she wanted. She wanted children. 

As I write I can see her arriving at the bottom of the steps of St. Joseph’s Oratory in Quebec.  Sue is committed to this pilgrimage she is about to embark on. Deep down inside she knows that prayer is the only thing she can do now. As she looks around she sees crutches and wheelchairs lined up beside the long staircase up to the chapel. This reminds her that miracles do happen here. Her heart has been grieving the loss of her little boy who had been stillborn just months before. Her husband Phil is by her side yet her focus is within.  A woman with twins walks in front of her. She looks at Phil without saying a word. She knows she will pray for twins. With rosary in hand she touches each round stone as the Our Fathers and Hail Marys roll off her tongue like the music of the angels. Her faith is strong. No one can take her away from her deep desire to be a mother. One step at a time, she anchors in the love that is guiding her here to trust in the divine. Phil prays with her for a few steps and then bends tenderly to her ear and whispers, “I will meet you in the bar at the hotel. Take all the time you need. I will be waiting for you”.  He leaves and as he walks away, Phil looks back at her with deep devotion. Her beauty takes his breath away. She is the love of his life and he knows that there is nothing he can do to make her happy right now. He can’t fake it and pray. He still holds the anger for the priest who would not bless the grave because his beautiful and perfect baby boy was born dead.  God feels far away for him right now and a cold drink is what he needs. 

There are so many steps to climb. Sue is dedicated to talking to God and she trusts her prayers will be heard. She feels the presence wrapping around her like a shawl. Tears caress her face for as she is mourning the death of her child she feels the longing to birth another child. This crowded sanctuary does not distract her in anyway. She feels as if she is alone with God, being led by a spirit that is bigger than anything of this world. It all feels so holy as she shares this intimate experience with strangers all coming for the same purpose.  Each person is a companion on this pilgrimage. Is it God’s plan for her to have children? Inside her heart she trusts that it is so.

That night we were conceived. I say we because, 9 months later our mother gave birth to triplets. Francine, Colleen and Philomene. Yes, a miracle took place that day. The story is told that our mother prayed for twins and dad threw in an extra prayer, so there were three.

It’s now light outside and I leave the computer and reach into my jewelry box and there sits the pendant that my mother bought the day we were conceived. I put it around my neck. My hand lifts up to the round locket with a picture of Mother Mary engraved on the front. As I slide it open there is the tiniest inscription of the Lord’s Prayer in full. I can hardly make it out. On the back are my mother’s initials SH. I am brought into her loving embrace as I wrap my hands around this locket, warm with the realization of how precious my life and the lives of my sisters are.

I believe that dreams bring us guidance.  After I had that lucid one where I stood in front of that stone wall gazing at the symbols inscribed I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Usually I write my dreams in a journal as soon as I open my eyes or I will lose them.  With this dream I had total recall and a strong sense that I was receiving information. I felt as if I was right there, touching the stone and feeling a part of something much bigger than my eyes could see. The dream was directing me. Looking up the symbol of ‘rock’ I read its meaning: strength, grounding, personal power. Just prior to falling asleep the night before, I asked for direction in writing a book with my sisters. It was our time now to move into the world together. We had been on our separate journeys, healing our childhood wounds, raising children and developing careers and learning to follow and trust that precious voice that guides us. I felt inspired with this dream that was taking me to a higher level of consciousness. I quickly got dressed to go to work and the words rose up in my heart, “ask and you will receive.” 

Arriving at the office I was moved to share the dream with my first client and friend Kitty who then said she studied the origin of language. I did not know this about her. My excitement grew as she told me that she would help me decipher the word hieroglyphics. Later that day, she sent me this information that seemed to fit in so well with all that I was trying to understand.

…Origin of the word hieroglyphics: “hieros” means sacred and “glypho” means carve or engrave. Hieroglyphics were sacred in ancient times because they were always associated with priests and priestesses. The definition is actually “a symbol or picture used in a writing system to denote an object, concept, sound, or sequence of sounds.” Then Kitty wrote in her email, “it was a way of communicating before there were words- just like you did with Colleen and Philomene when you were still in the womb.” I liked that. It just showed me again how divine it all seems to be when you are open to see all the pieces that begin to fall into place.

Can we trust that voice? What voice you might say?  When the doctor told my mom she could not have any more babies, she did not listen to him. She listened to the voice of her heart. She had fear and she had lots of grief and yet with her great faith she prayed and connected to a love beyond all of our understandings.  God was right there guiding her way with deep love.

-Excerpt from upcoming book with Frannie’s triplet sisters “Three Voices, One Message”, www.3voices1truth.com

Your Grateful Heart Is the Gate Way- 11:11:11

Your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other peoples thinking.

Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition… they somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

(1955-2011)

I’m standing at my kitchen counter waiting for my test results. It’s part of my routine physical. I know in every fiber of my being that I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. So why do I feel so anxious?

Finally the phone rings and the results confirm what I already know – everything is normal. A dam inside me breaks as my joy and relief spill out through my happy tears. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told my liver was not normal. And year after year after year, the test results have supported that claim. As many of you already know, I have dedicated much of my life to serving humanity by allowing myself, to the best of my ability, to be a vessel so that God can work with me and through me. A big part of my commitment involves lifestyle choices that support the healthy growth and healing of my mind, body and spirit. At times it is hard to stay on the path of what we want, especially when others around us have lost their own battles. Guilt sometimes swallows me up as I wonder why I should believe I could get well when loved ones have remained sick or even died.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I reach with my mind and heart to God as I pray: Dear God, let me be an instrument of your peace. Help me to share your divine loving presence as I trust that I can stay open to whatever I meet today.

I breathe into my body and receive myself. Then I quietly rise up out of bed in the darkness of the bedroom and fumble my way to the living room. Putting on my robe, I ease into my favorite chair. No one can calm me and bring me peace except God. I know that being calm and quiet not only serves me but I am sure God can make better use of me, as well.

I settle into my body and feel whatever is lurking in the deepest parts of my being. I know answers to any of my problems come when I am willing to face my uncomfortable feelings and difficult thoughts. When I stay with these shameful hurts and pains within, something inside softens. The fear of staying here loosens its hold and breathing begins to quiet the mind allowing the dense thought-forms to fall away. I know that the only way out of my self-imposed pain is to go inward to hold it. Here I begin to remember that I am a child of God.

 As I pray and contemplate this connection inside, I find the inner strength that helps me handle the darkness of the world. I also feel that meditation can help us handle all of the powerful light that is coming in at this time. As we are called to live bigger and brighter, sometimes our resistance gets bigger, as well. I witness how afraid we are to live our truest potential. We are afraid to fully let our light shine. Our addictions keep us trapped and muted. Can we be love with conviction? Can we see the miracle we are just by choosing to be peace? Can we open our hearts and share this food that light offers to the hungry? I think we all want that peace but first we must forgive the past. Can we let go of those moments that brought us to our knees when we uncovered the lie of unworthiness? Forgiving is part of the miracle.

Living love and being the light for another is truly a gift. Nowhere on this earth have I experienced this gift more profoundly than when I have stood before the one people call John of God.

I have been to Brazil to visit John of God two times before. Yet this trip brought me to understand more deeply how living to serve this food called love is our greatest gift. When I speak of love here, I mean divine love, God’s love. I believe that life brings us to more of it if we can be in the direct experience of any given moment. In the present moment, if we accept who we are, with all our fears and all our shame, then we will see that our feelings do not have to separate us. We can join together in the one mind of God.

As I look around the hall where many wait to see John of God, I am humbled by these brave souls in wheel chairs, on crutches and being carried. The sick and the dying, the searchers for truth all gather in this sacred holy place called Casa de Dom Inacio de Loyola in Abadiania, Brazil. Everyone wears white; we are all the same here. We take our turn to stand in the presence of a man who has committed his life to the healing of the collective society.  As a medium for God, he becomes a hollow reed. Medium Joao radiates unconditional love that heals those who need healing. In the presence of this love, fear dissolves. If enough of us stand in the light of true love, not simplistic love, but strong divine God love, then there is peace and this creates a force field of healing light.

No matter who we are, we have things to do to fulfill the calling of our souls. We are called to be authentically ourselves as best as we can be. We are challenged each day to dig deeper into ourselves to find out who we really are and to choose to live differently. Each of us, no matter who we are, can align ourselves with a better idea. All of us need more quiet time, not to retreat from the world but to merge with the treasures and richness of just being.

My father died the day after my arrival in Abadiania. It pushed me deeply into grief as I longed to touch my father again. I wanted to feel his spirit with me. I prayed and meditated. I walked in silence as my intention to be more present revealed many thoughts and feelings. I felt, I cried, I allowed myself to just be with me.

My friend Kristine and I were waiting our turn to stand before John of God. I left my seat to take a walk on the beautiful grounds outside the hall. Thousands were there that day because it was the week of John’s birthday. As I walked, I was drawn to the grotto where there are statues of saints and flowering bushes. Tears flowing down my face, I talk to my dad. I miss him and feel so far away from home. I begin talking as if he were right there.  “I know you are around me dad. I know you are here with me in spirit but do you think you could give me another physical visitation?” After he died his spirit visited me as a hummingbird and the joy of that moment was so healing for me. Was it too soon for me to ask him to be with me? Am I pulling him away from something more important? I just wanted him here and hoped that another hummingbird might grace the moment with its splendor. I waited and I waited and I waited. Finally, as I went back into the hall where I left Kristine, inside my head I hear a voice say, “when you go inside, someone will approach you to sit in your chair and you will let them.” This voice is so much louder and clearer here in Brazil. 

Kristine took her turn to stretch her legs. Within a few minutes a beautiful, tall young woman in her 30s with a crutch under her arm approached me and asked if she could sit on the vacant chair. I looked up with great satisfaction and said, “Yes, sit here in my chair.” The woman who had just taken my seat reached over and held my name tag in her hand and looked into my eyes saying with a German accent, “Frannie Hoffman!” I nodded yes. She then bent closer and said, “I am Katharin Hoffman.” I gasped as tears and excitement moved me to hold her hand and say, “I just asked my dad to give me a sign that he was here with me. YOU are the messenger. My dad’s name is Phil Hoffman.” She replied with bright eyes, “In the town I live in, almost everyone is named Hoffman.” We held each other like long lost relatives. Out of all these people, I heard the guidance to answer my prayer. Dad was right here and meeting me through the eyes of this beautiful soul. She had to be listening to her guidance too! She heard and found herself at this meeting place where God spoke louder than anything else. We exchanged emails and then I was called to make my way through the current room to stand before John of God. My heart was so open and full of this love that I have with my father and this miracle that just took place. He made his way to me through Katharin Hoffman. I felt so humbled by the purity of the moment. How easy it was to ask and then receive the truth. I am here with you, right by your side.

 I walked slowly in the line feeling like I was being carried by angels. I listened to the prayers being spoken in Portuguese. I felt the love of so many sitting in pews meditating and radiating their love and support. The walls were filled with holy pictures and music filled the air. It feels like a sacred pilgrimage to meet God through the eyes of Joas De Deus (John of God). For 48 years he has participated in the healing of over 8 million people. 

When we give ourselves this deeper connection we can open up to the entire world. We can give and live for others from this full cup. I saw it when I stood in front of John in God. The light of God was spilling out of him like an endlessly flowing river. He was connected inward and sharing from this place where God meets us all. His words, so simple and yet profoundly truthful and filled with spirit, touched the hearts that were open to receive.

When the resistance to the moment falls away, we are the opening. We are the doorway as love enters this world through each of us individually as we join together as one. The joining creates a gateway where light enters to bring many treasures through our gaze, through our eyes, through our touch and through our words. We are the messengers as we let go of the past and allow the present moment to be all that is. When we look into the mirror that this world is, who we are is reflected back and we have another opportunity to share the truth that only the heart can receive.  Follow your dream and fully be yourself as you let what you do fill you with enthusiasm. You are brave the moment you enter inside, letting go of what holds you back from fully being here as yourself. Follow your heart for it is the gateway into the power of love that nurtures this dream as you become an instrument for God.

During this Thanksgiving season I am so grateful for the trip to John of God and this sacred journey I have been on to receive the miracle of a healed body.  My soul’s desire at this time is to assist in lifting the consciousness of the planet into greater levels of compassion, loving service, and wisdom.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

All my love,

Frannie