As I fold the laundry, the sounds of a mocking bird come joyously through the open window where I stand. It is dawn as I welcome the good morning into my heart. I take in the music of this sweet song until it overflows and spills out of me. My cup runneth over with this love that comes gushing from inside. I close my mind and surrender my heart as I lose my self to the feeling of being alive.
This feeling of contentment in just being present with myself fills me up with the appreciation of my life. This communion with spirit seems to touch me like a long lost lover coming to visit. I welcome the moment for the gifts are plenty as I am swept into the stillness and filled with the sweet company of a love that is beyond this world. In this silence the presence of God is like a kiss.
I can feel life happening all around me in this quiet moment as I gaze towards the side yard and watch the butterfly moving from the hibiscus to the orange blossom tree. So gentle its touch as I begin to receive the thoughts of my mother. I allow the tears to fall freely from my eyes. It opens me up to drink in the precious moment of just being here.
Life is so full and how easy we can be pulled into the busyness. This moment has come for me to drink in the nectar of a sweet moment in time to remember how I love my mother and all she gave so unconditionally. The pictures of her that float across my mind's eye tell me such a beautiful story. Her loveliness was not just physical; it was shining through her eyes and her touch. She was an ageless beauty and even though the painful years of sickness wore her down, there was a spirit so free that lived in her paintings she created, her meals she cooked, her decorating of any home she lived in, her gardens filled with flowers and fragrance of many kinds and oh how sweetly she played with her grand-children. She loved us so much.
I miss her every day and yet the longing for her brings me to all kinds of feelings that sometimes are covered up by a busy life of giving or doing. How easy it is to slip something on like some form of protection from feeling the world around us. I remember the gloves my mother wore when she got dressed up. Some of them were just to the wrist and others were long and elegant and covered her arms right up to her elbows. I could not wait to wear those glamorous accessories when I was a child.
But now, for me, I like to get dressed to face the world and as I breathe, I feel my skin being touched by my clothes and then I rest in my very being within as I let go of all that is trapped inside. I open myself to receive the fear and hope, confusion and certainty with a compassionate heart. Rising above all these things without leaving them brings me to the doorway where I walk on.
Sometimes just giving thanks for the mystery of it all, brings me to discover that love is all around.
How blessed I am to be a mother, not perfect but bruised, as I continue to take care of myself and cherish my children and loved ones.
For my mother:
If I could tell you what I feel-
I would cry the words out loud.
Wrapping myself around the longing for your touch.
My heart feels empty without you here.
Yet full of sadness spilling out like an endless river of tears.
You are gone- You are so near.
For every thought is of you.
I grasp onto the memories that pour through me-
trying to remember every part of you.
Don't leave me for a moment for
I do not want to forget-
You my precious mother.
I do not want you to fade away like a
dream that once was dreamt and now forgotten.
How could I live without you?
You will live within me as
everything I do, I will do for you.
To live my life fully, for when I do,
I will feel this grateful life that
I was birthed because of you.
Happy Mother's Day!
Namaste`
Frannie
