Hello my Beloveds!
For the last 18 months I have been on a sabbatical. This
time has been an opportunity for me to turn my vulnerable heart toward each
precious moment. It has been a transformational time, as grief has melted away more
of my falseness and softened the limitations that held me a prisoner of
fear. Lau Tzu says it best, “when
I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
When my husband Steve transitioned, I kept believing that
spirit would guide me to a different life. Although I wanted to run away and start
all over, I was forced to stay right here in all of the glory and pain of my
vulnerable and broken heart. My home on Anna Maria Island was a safe haven as I
continued writing and spending time in silence and inner contemplation. Being
with myself, family, friends and my puppy Mollie brought me to a deeper sense
of intimacy. I realized that my purpose had not changed at all, it was me that
was different.
I am so grateful to all of you for loving me and choosing to
walk upon this earth with me. It takes courage to live awake and we are all
doing this dance together. In more ways than you will ever know, your hearts
touched mine and helped to lift me up. With this New Year we find ourselves moving
back into the river of life. New beginnings for us all as we merge with the
flow that brings us into our own beautiful authentic expression of self with
compassion and openness.
Blessed Be
Frannie
Kisses from Heaven
I bike down to the beach, excited to finally return to this
place where the sea meets the sand and sky. My heart expands as I park my bike
between two trees. I am pulled by a force that feels like a magnet. I am being
guided. That’s what it is like to surrender completely to this presence that
knows what you need. Pulled into the stream of consciousness where all that
exists is filling me up and moving me into the direction where the veil lifts.
Here I fall into the towel, lay upon the white powdery sand and merge deeply
inside myself. I let out a sigh of relief. I am here fully and let go of all
that burdens me. I feel totally alone, even though the beach is full of people
basking in this magnificent day.
I breathe into my body, and melt into the warm of the sun
shining on me. I fall deeply into sleep and awaken completely rested, my mind
quiet… I hear Steve’s voice in my inner ear, “Hello baby-doll, it’s good to
have you here.” I feel held in the womb of spirit and happy to feel the
connection.
It is not uncommon to be in this place with Steve. Yet so
often I wander off into the valley of sorrow or disappear into the busy mind of
unwanted chatter. Sometimes I stay away, not because I consciously choose to,
but I am pulled into the direction of doing and that’s okay. It’s part of
living in this human world until we find balance. The balance is within and it
is always my choice to find that center again or sometimes I am led by my heart
like I was today.
I open my eyes and look at the brilliant blue sky. Contrails
from planes passing overhead have formed a giant X. Most people just see a
design made by an aircraft, but for me, they are kisses from Steve. He always
signed his cards to me with big fat Xs. Now, using the sky as his canvas, he is
reaching from wherever he is to kiss me with his presence. I feel the warmth of
this energy holding me and filling me up with incredible peace. My connection
to this feeling lifts the veil that shows me that Steve is right here waiting
for me to open to the only way he can connect with me…through this magnificent
world.
The veil between the worlds is thinner now and I can talk to
my spirit loved ones anytime. As I let go of my own plan and allow myself to be
pulled into the stream of consciousness, this union happens where Heaven awaits
me. I am welcomed by this breathtaking view of the world that is now
illuminated by the light that is within everything and I see the truth. I
receive myself as I am joined by spirit. Kissed by the presence where I merge
into oneness with all of creation.
How easy it all seems to be when I let go of doing it myself
and surrender to the moment. Here the stream pulls me into the flow of life
that gives and gives and gives. Into myself I am born again and alive like
never before. Merged like never before because more of the falseness has fallen
away and I am embraced by all of me. I have allowed myself to be loved, loving
all that has come before this moment. The pain and the hurts and fears have all
been embraced as I fall more deeply into the moment of what is. The choice is
mine to make as I receive the inner guidance that speaks loud and clear, “Welcome
Baby doll, I am here wherever you are.”
As I walked away from the beach, I took a picture of the
huge X in the sky. I realized as I looked around that now I am never alone.
Later that afternoon I am with my son Luke and we get into a
heated conversation. How easy it is to fall into the trap of defensiveness and
trying to be right. We both are charged with unwanted energy but talk it out
and return to what is true. I own the fact that I am not perfect, and in my
self-acceptance I am able to listen to myself and still hear my son. Together
we return to the warmth of our truth.
Maybe it didn’t feel as easy as it was earlier when I merged
into the powdery warm sand but it was just as real and just as vital to allow
that which will pull us into the truth. Here we are kissed by a presence that can
free us and open us to what is important. Then the veil is lifted and
we can see in every face, the face of God. It is the face of God looking back
at me through the eyes of my son. And it is his perfection I see shining
through all the imperfections of our humanity.
Love wins again. As the sun sets into the trees and the moon
rises up in all her glory, I am reminded once again that all can be shown to me
in the dark where nothing keeps me separate from my connection to this presence
that creates worlds. Another day where the veil is so thin and the Mystery
reaches into me and wakes me up to welcome all that is new. We can be lead with
our hearts without trying to figure it out in our heads, and then bowing down
to creation, it begins within.
