I hear the bird screeching outside the window as the sound of my grandson running through the hallway wakes me up. Life, this beautiful precious life, fills me up as I reach deep inside my heart this early morning. The gentle nudge of a new day touches me in vulnerable places. Nothing needs to hide me from these intimate feelings that trickle into my awareness as I breathe and lean into myself.
It takes great courage to look at ourselves with tenderness. Can we experience this part of ourselves and be honest with what we are feeling even if we are scared, feeling like crap or just disappointed in our own ability to start again? When we don’t know how it’s all going to work out, can we be okay with not knowing?
I embrace being fully human and awake as I move into the life that is here today and open these doors that are in front of me or within me. How many times do we have to fall before we learn the lessons we need to rise again? The last couple of years has not been a walk in the park. Until I learn with great humility to accept that it hasn’t been easy for me at times, and I am sure for all of you too, I can surrender into the open mind and heart that can relax and allow it all to be. Not grasping outside to save the world but connecting to this deeper self that ponders about how my actions impact another person.
So, I wonder dear friends, how are you? I ask this because it has been a while since my last newsletter. I know without a doubt that we are all connected even if we don’t see each other or speak. I pray that you are well and that you continue to honor what is true as you listen to your own inner voice.
It’s been quite a journey we have all been on. As our world begins to reopen, it feels like we’ve all been on a sacred pilgrimage. For a while, a new normal took hold. Now, I no longer think about washing my hands every time I touch anything anymore. I got through these past years and days and moments by hanging on to what gets me through all the dark times of my life. My own practice of meditation or just breathing deeply can be a natural tranquilizer.
Why do we have such shallow breath or no breath at all when we are in anxiety or fear! Let’s face it, as Pema Chodron so beautiful says, “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. To live fully is to be always in no-man’s land, to experience each moment as completely new and fresh. To live is to be willing to die over and over again.”
I like to get down on my mat daily to stretch and feel myself in my body. I stay long enough within myself until the shaky, vulnerable self gently opens to the feeling of softness and peace. I fill my fridge and countertop with foods that not only feed my eyes but also feed my heart, soul and my stomach.
I feel the appreciation of it all as I think of those who can’t feed themselves or their children. My mind wonders about the people of Ukraine, facing so much that war time brings, and I pray. I write in my journal daily, even if it is only a few lines. I just love that feeling of putting my hand on my pen and watching how a part of myself spills onto the paper with the ink. It’s like I empty myself to be filled with a silence that quiets me but thrills me at the same time like this fresh air that comes through the window. It’s like the door opening wide and some great wise master takes up room in my being. Where did she come from? This higher self that is in me guides my way like parting the sea to let in something that is already there under the surface. It’s amazing how these challenges that have been upon us all – isolation, sickness and suffering of all kinds – pushed us all into places we never have been before. I had COVID three times and each time it was a difficult thing to move through.
How grateful I am to be able to feel the calmness flow through my veins no matter what is going on in this body or world of mine. Maybe it’s because when the fear or anxiety or just plain old exhaustion hit me hard, I breathe in that feeling that only faith can give me. All the tools I have developed and acquired through a life dedicated to my inner world have helped me learn to surrender and accept. Through this acceptance, I could keep going and see how the Universe brought what I needed, even if what was here was hard to face.
It's Spring! I feel this burst of energy as my own heart blossoms like the hibiscus and bougainvillea trees I just planted. The brilliant colors and the smell of jasmine is so intoxicating as I take it all in with all my senses. There is life everywhere!
There is you and there is me.
We dance within the shadows of our past,
remembering the stirring of love that bring us to an open concerto.
Can we listen to the sweet song of our souls as we choose to merge into the One melody that only our hearts can hear?
Be free, sweet love, and let the inner knowing wrap you up into its embrace.
The calling to the deeper knowing brings forth a new dawn.
It’s all good.
It is all for the good, for the love that is spoken speaks loudly in the silence
of the sweet melody unleashed.
Never forgotten-
Only remembered again and again,
opening to so much more!
Namasté
Love,
Frannie
