As a young girl, I remember my parents dancing in the living room to Elvis singing, “Wise men say only fools rush in, but I can't help falling in love with you.” Dad would sing and Mom would merge into him as if he was Elvis himself. Even in her last years, when Alzheimer’s had taken over my mom’s mind, she would never tire of sitting in front of the television watching Elvis’s movies.
The annual convention in Collingwood, Ontario near our summer home up north would bring hundreds of Elvis impersonators. Her eyes wide like a child in a candy store, my mother would follow these men dressed as an icon masquerading as the ultimate sex symbol of the male species. Who didn’t drool over this incredibly talented man?
I was lucky to see Elvis perform at one of his final concerts. Sitting close to the front, I could see how different he looked—bloated, heavy and sweating. It was hard to look at him. I was so attached to the beautiful, young superstar of my youth. His magnificent voice had me mesmerized. The King of Rock and Roll sent goose bumps up and down my spine. He vibrated and gyrated like a man lost in the energy of creative spirit. My heart felt all the emotions that were living in me during this early stage of my own transformation. He was reflecting to me the sickness and pain of my own struggles and fears, helping me embrace my suppressed and hidden darkness. I was a mouse, a weaker version of myself, but would soon begin my healing path, my human journey of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
The doorway to my authentic life began as my deep truths slowly showed themselves through self-betrayal and abandonment. My body eventually rebelled, breaking down and preventing me from sabotaging myself any longer. Meditation and mindfulness brought me back to my true self. Self-love became my inner journey.
Now, even after years of self-discovery and self-knowledge, this journey continues to bring me to my knees. As I come face to face with all my fears, I am held in the space occupied by my breath. In the stillness of this brave and magical life, I take the hand of my higher self, guided by God/Universe, as presence gives me the greatest gift of falling in love again and again with myself and all who walk in life with me.
Life continues to bring me to myself. I become like a river, flowing around everything that comes into my life. Every moment, an experience of living deeper with this being that is a presence that knows who I am. With unconditional compassion, the honest to goodness truth and open-heartedness, embrace every part of my flawed and imperfect humanity. I embrace myself, and now without doubt, I nourish myself without letting my ego be in charge. Here I gain a deeper understanding and compassion for others. I am not above or below anyone. Humility allows us to use this power to empower the self and to choose a path that becomes a gateway. As I witness my fellow companions on their own paths of struggle and challenges with disease, addiction, grief, and longing, I can express love to them in a more authentic way.
Like a river flows
Surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Breathing into my feelings, my self-judgments, my suffering; acceptance helps me heal my traumas from childhood. Patience and self-love bring maturity and free me. I radiate love for all the ones that are in life with me, even for just a moment in time.
This love might be gently and quickly moving through me like when I wake up in the wee hours of the darkened night, breathing into this vast being of light that fills my heart and body with quiet love. Or it may take me into the next moment and invite me to pull out a pen and write a letter of forgiveness. When I share my truth, it frees me and another of the past. In the stillness of my own incredible being, this tremendous love is so powerful. It changes me as I let go and allow love to travel through my words and deeds. I offer what is the greatest gift to myself and this world—LOVE! It’s free. It costs nothing but a humble, honest, and vulnerable human being taking action for the good of all.
On the bridge between me and me I find my imperfect human self. I am humbled by the spacious emptiness that is now filled with a presence that knows exactly what is real. In this moment, love flourishes between my open heart and the beauty of another. This unconditional love is so transformational, takes on a pause. Resting inside this opening, one can look at what is happening. Here I choose to align with my authentic truth. Without pushing anything away, peace abides. Something feels healed and a door opens because my mind is empty and the quiet gives me what I am longing for. This connection to me fuels a healed mind and this to me, is the greatest power. Here there is no blame, not even for myself because every step of the way helped me see me and the truth of my own heart. My mind is my only responsibility yet to share in each person’s experience helps me to take responsibility for my state of being.
Take my hand
Take my whole life, too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Spirit calls me, and as I take my focus off the other, I begin to fall in love with myself. Again and again, I move into my conscious breath while my internal self waits patiently for me to enter. There, I feel it all—the sadness, the anger, the shame, the insecurity, the disappointment. I reach deeper and trust in this love affair I am having with myself. I can’t suppress anything.
I’m at the beach house of my friends Kristine and Jacques. I look out a window and take in the view of Monterey Beach near Santa Cruz. I breathe into the expansion of what I see, these vast waters that touch the unending sky. My mind becomes so empty and still and expanded with no boundaries. Every part of me exists yet now it seems faded because my deep emotions and feelings that were so heavy inside are now held with complete love. This mind of mine feels as expansive as the beautiful world outside I am gazing at. The light enters and I am so filled with appreciation for this beach house, this retreat I gave myself and the knowing that these few days have transformed me, giving me the truth that lives fully in the precious moment of awakening. There is no quick fix. Now is where I can anchor in more of who I am and how I choose to live. I am becoming more conscious of this incredible light that keeps illuminating my path.
I look at a video that my daughter sent of my grandsons dancing in the living room. Their incredible joy of being alive is beautiful. I witness pure love in their laughter and playfulness in the moment. We, like the children and like the flowers, can open and allow the light to enter as we see how free we are to be the celebration of this life that gives through our living. The music is blaring in the background, and in this moment, I realize that it is all here. It’s enough. There is nothing lacking. I can let go and trust that this dance with the Divine is always bringing me back to what is real.
Open your heart to love and see it’s light everywhere! Self-love becomes the light of your soul’s reflection in all humanity.
Namasté
All my love,
Frannie
