Living Awake, Moment by Moment

"You are the sky. Everything else- it's the weather." - Pema Chodron

 

            Sometimes, in a heartbeat, our lives can turn upside down. Change can enter like a tornado bringing us the struggles and challenges that can humble us and move us to fall on our knees, asking for help.

            I found myself filled with emotion the other night when I woke up and walked into the living room in the darkness of the night. The intense feeling, like a tsunami came pushing through me as I fell on the couch, crying uncontrollable tears. The suffering of our humanity is pushing on my heart as I hold myself in this release. How grateful I am to empty this heart of mine that called me to surrender once again. Letting the tears flow, the crying just knows what to do. Empty of these feelings, I rest in this space where I become full of a peace that is truly beyond my own understanding. My emptiness brings calmness to every part of me. I rest on the couch in the early morning dawn, knowing that the suffering of our world is felt within. I am surrendered. Nothing to control. Why do I ever think that control would ever set me free? My past losses showed me how to be fully alive. I do not want to ever throw away the chances to love now.

            Life itself seems to humble me again and again as it moves me to my inner-life. Without love or compassion or even truth, it does not matter if I have all the needs of my physical life met and comforts of my daily living all in tack. If my love light is dim and I'm waiting for money in the bank to take care of myself, I realize that the generosity of love and compassion is all that is needed to keep me fully alive. And then "I go out and make the donuts." Being a counselor is my career but loving compassion is my purpose. It comes from my own inner focus to hold myself just where I am, flawed and fabulous. In this acceptance of my inner self, I can be conscious as I breathe. The veils seem to lift where I am awake. It is here in God's mind where I am fully free. The attachments to this world will never make me truly happy.

            I remember the feeling I had, lying beside my 4-month-old grandson as he looked right into my eyes. He touched my face and pulled me closer as I kissed his cheek. He begins to laugh the way when you are tickled, and you can't stop it if you tried. It's contagious. I laughed with him and he looked deeply into my eyes with a sparkle that lights up my heart. It's as if I can see the whole world through his gaze. Pure joy filled the moment as his whole-body giggled. Now, just thinking about it, the feeling of happiness softens the sadness, despair or depression that ever was. All the fears and worries wash away. It seems to dissolve any toxic emotion or anxiety and there is a deep connection to real- life right here, right now. No medicine is better than laughing from the belly and little Theo brings me to it so naturally. 

            My friend David Sears let go into the Divine presence, Feb. 8^th, 2019, in the early morning. His focus was on the life that continues beyond the body, the transition into the sweetest embrace of Spirit. In his last days, he welcomed death as he welcomed you into his breath. Even though his body was filled with cancer, he said, "it is all wonderful!" I witnessed him as he let his heart wrap around the mystery as if he was having a love affair with his own transition. His commitment to conscious dying brought me into conscious living.

            I sit at the restaurant with my friend and my dog as I watch a little bird coming up to Mollie as she plays with this new friend. A little bird, so joyously hopping around like hide and seek. I feel inside my heart, it's David, my friend, my teacher of living life in love till his transition. "Be happy, be happy- it's wonderful! I hear it inside my mind. If he could, he would shine his spirit through this world to say hi. He loved my Mollie so much that he went out and got his puppy, Sweet Pea.

            David was living awake moment by moment before he slipped out of his body. He modeled for me that I have the choice to let go each day of the attachments to this world of form. To live in the presence of the Divine is like sinking into the deepest ocean of well- being. Here is where we are called to be.

            Happiness is our birthright. When we are in harmony inside, independent of the chaotic conditions outside, truly our minds have let go of interpreting the experience. We just begin to move into the flow of life as it is. The grieving heart takes a break; we make a choice to take off the heavy garments of sadness and sorrow and look in the eyes of this world like a beautiful spring day calling us forth to play. We let go and surrender to the moment at hand where we can walk into a new state of being and in the meantime just get outside and go for a walk.           

          I am deeply guided as my inward focus brings me into my intuitive nature where I embrace it all. It's more than just understanding it with my head. My heart feels the experience of living fully. I look up at the clear blue sky as a new world inside of me is being created.

 

Be awake as you reach into what is here.

Let go and be love now.

 

Blessings and Love, 

Frannie

New Life

On this day when all you can feel is the breath of love

She believed she could and so she did

Time stands still, as I watch my daughter give birth

She is a Warrior Mama with strength and courage to bring him forth

This Divine Miracle with Father calm by her side

I stand in your presence, little one

I see your face 

As you come into the world

My tears are flowing as the love gushes 

You are the light of my heart

I am in love

 

A bird is screeching. I am pulled out of where I am, listening to its message. I hear him announcing the arrival of this baby boy. I hear the excitement of nature singing her praises of this day. Such a beautiful opportunity to renew our sense of the sacred. There is so much innocence and beauty to be born as I gently move my attention to my heart. I am not missing a thing! Each day, hour by hour, moment by moment, here with my daughter Lane and her husband Rob, is a blessing.

             

It's quite the day! The sun beating down on our bodies as the waves crash towards the shoreline. The birds soaring over the mountain top. I watch and listen to nature being itself. Always the healer and giving me the peace that is beyond all understanding. 

             

My daughter is ready to give birth any day! We sit at the beach as she reads her journal pages to me. She started writing to Theo (baby in utero) since the beginning of this pregnancy. These beautiful words and thoughts she reads to Rob and I, are her inner most feelings about this journey she is on, bringing this precious child into the world. 

             

Another day comes and goes. It's already 10 days after his due date. Choosing to take joy in, I watch Lane move to the music as if she were on a stage, moving her body like a ballerina. The music seems to infuse strength into her limbs and every movement is effortless. Dancing to the songs that feed her soul as every motion is the expression of her deep love for her unborn child. Rob is filming this sacred dance as my eyes fill up with tears. So, cherished are these intimate moments before the birth. It's such a mystery to know when he will arrive. 

             

In the wee hours of the dawn, still dark outside, I wake up remembering my dream. My deceased husband Steve visited. In the dream, Lane is sitting in front of Steve. He is not speaking but his body language shows his excitement. Light illuminates his presence. She bends over to him and kisses his lips and a card, all folded up passes from his lips to hers. She takes the card and unfolds it very slowly, like it is a treasure and it says, "Hi Mama, I can't wait to be in your arms." Spirit speaks the celestial message from beyond.

Another day goes by as we carry on. I go to a yoga class and in the silent place within the pose I honor my urge to check my phone. I see the text from Lane, "my water broke, come home now!" I'm out in a flash and walking quickly down the busy street back to their home, wanting to tell every person passing by that my daughter is about to give birth. I am bursting with joy. The moment has come.

             

At 5:23 am on October 23rd, I witness my daughter giving birth. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. Her courage to move through it all naturally as peace became her mantra on this intimate adventure to motherhood was captivating. Her husband, her rock, speaking words from his heart transporting her to her safe place within. I stand in awe of the miracle of birth as I am aware of the presence that permeates the room. Then I see him. So, tiny with so much strength to come into our world. He is put on Lane's chest as we all cry with his first sound of life. Theo has arrived!

             

A couple of days after his birth, I hold him in my arms. We dance to the music that Theo listened to while he was in Lane's womb. As I gaze into his eyes, I remember this love.

He smiles and those dimples he has are kisses from Steve.

 

I love being his Nannie Frannie...

 

 

Welcome to our world my beautiful grandson, Theo Steven!

 

Namasté, 

Frannie

Come Alive to the Magnificence of Your True Self

This beautiful spring brings so much color as the butterflies come to touch the petals of the incredible flowering plants that cascade in the garden. I look around and see beauty everywhere as the sun touches my skin and I delight in all the new growth.

May is my favorite month of the year. There is so much blooming all around me, not just in my gardens but in my life too! My house is getting fixed up! I had to move every bit of furniture out to refinish the old terrazzo floors. It has been like moving in some ways, putting all of the furnishings in a big pod in my driveway. The weeks leading up to the move, I purged. I let go of so much as I went through the closets that had to be emptied. I was ruthless in this task and now as I walk through the empty rooms, I am excited to have it painted. It truly is creating an opening for new life to emerge. Picking new paint colors and buying new furniture is so much fun. New life is being born through it all, within me and all around. My boyfriend Robert is moving in soon and how wonderful is that! Birth is so lovely as all these changes bring the unknown as I leap into the abyss once again.

Growth can be hard and laboring a new self can be very difficult at times. Maybe I am growing older in age yet through all of life's disappointments hurts and forgotten dreams that die, I realize that the greatest wisdom that life has brought me is to learn the lessons of my soul, however painful it is. Sometimes my mind can take me down and destroy the dreams that are still carefully placed in my heart. The hardships and grief that loss brings can beat me down until I have the courage to take its medicine and realize that the crisis was truly the initiation into the magnificence and fullness of self. I just think that every challenge has made me a better person and each day I wake up and reach for God. Here I pray to be guided and used as an instrument for more peace. Here I remember that meditation and prayer help me to face the darkness in our world so that I don't allow the resistance to spiral me down into the chaos and negativity. In my quiet contemplation, I allow the light of consciousness to shine on all that is within, so I can see the good too! There is so much to be grateful for.

Mother's Day is here! I hold my mom in my heart today, feeling the beauty of her spirit. I miss her, and wouldn't it be nice if she could just walk into my house right now. I talk to her all the time and listen to the ways she speaks to me through this world. The love never dies and even the hardships and challenges of her life has helped me to be more my own true self.

I love being a mom. My son Luke and my daughter Lane are my most precious of all gifts that I have ever received. With their partners I have my son In-law Rob and daughter of my heart with Luke's girlfriend Eleni and I am Granny Frannie to her daughter Eliana. I feel so blessed. My heart just continues to expand and fall in love.

Now to announce the news! My child is going to have a baby. What an incredible experience this is. My daughter Lane and her husband Rob are going to have a baby boy in October. I'm going to be a Grandma! How blessed I am to witness this new life growing in my daughter's womb. She is healthy and so happy to become a mother.

Yes, our life brings labor as we let go and feel more alive, clear and authentic. We can reclaim the happiness that resides within. With deep listening and loving guidance, we can go out and share the love that has birthed within our hearts.

Sit quietly and breathe yourself into this moment.

Hold your sadness and regret within your heart and lean in.

Deep down, underneath the anxiety, beneath the fear, there is a greater reality that is present.

Here within the silence your heart is touched'

You are blessed, you are forgiven, you are an angel.

Look around with your eyes open and notice the beauty calling you to remember who you truly are.

You are awake and alive.

You are loved.

Rejoice in the ability to be conscious and let the wisdom to know that even through the ups and downs, there is compassion.

Now feel yourself being held by your mother.

In a grateful heart, bow your head to your heart.

Now be loved and be love.

 

 Namasté,

Frannie

Happy Mother's Day! 

Fall in Love with Life

"Love is always patient and kind; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful...Love is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes." Corinthians

 

Fall is coming and with the all the energy of August's two eclipses, with the Full moon on the 7th and the Solar Eclipse on the 21st,this is a force for change as we tap into the deeper qualities of presence. We can become a clearer space for our everyday living.

 

It's been a powerful time for me as I let go of some of my old dreams as well as cleaning out my closets and drawers. The biggest letting go for me is finishing the book I have been writing since Steve transitioned 4 years ago. Reading the words that I wrote daily that helped me grieve now seems like I am using the spirit of death as an ally. I am inspired by all that released the emotional baggage I was carrying around before and after his death. Through it all, I realized more deeply how the feeling of fear can take over and swallow me up in a blink of an eye. In the pain of all that was changing it was very difficult to see or even imagine the new self I was becoming. My mind would replay every detail of all the bad moments until I was exhausted. My conscious breath would land me back into the present moment where I was safe inside again. Despite all of my endless limitations I could return to the feeling of being new and become one with the energy of God or the Divine.

 

Falling in love with life can be one day at a time. Our spiritual field is rich and fertile when we let go of what just doesn't work anymore and we can become ready to release the richness that this life offers us. It's so easy to overthink our life until we feel stagnant and overwhelmed. Sometimes the only way to find out what is ahead is for us to step into the unknown which can build confidence for this life that is unfolding.

 

We don't have to go out and search for love. We just need to be still and let love in. Love will find us. As the Bible says, "Perfect love casts out all fear."

 

Namasté,

Frannie