I’m standing at my kitchen counter waiting for my test results. It’s part of my routine physical. I know in every fiber of my being that I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been. So why do I feel so anxious?
Finally the phone rings and the results confirm what I already know—everything is normal.
A dam inside me breaks as my joy and relief spill out through my happy tears.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been told my liver was not normal. And year after year after year, the test results have supported that claim. I have dedicated much of my life to serving humanity by allowing myself, to the best of my ability, to be a vessel so that God can work with me and through me. A big part of my commitment involves lifestyle choices that support the healthy growth and healing of my mind, body, and spirit. At times it is hard to stay on the path of what we want, especially when others around us have lost their own battles.
Guilt sometimes swallows me up, as I wonder why I should believe I could get well when loved ones have remained sick or even died.
We have the ability to change ourselves, and only we can do it. If you change how you think then you will change how you feel, and then choose a more helpful response. Meditation helps us to be the change we wish to see in the world.
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I reach with my mind and heart as I pray: Dear God, let me be an instrument of your peace. Help me to share your divine loving presence as I trust that I can stay open to whatever I meet today.
I breathe into my body and receive myself. Then I quietly rise up out of bed in the darkness of the bedroom and fumble my way to the living room. Putting on my robe, I ease into my favorite chair. No one can calm me and bring me peace except God. I know that being calm and quiet not only serves me, but I am sure God can make better use of me, as well.
I settle into my body and feel whatever is lurking in the deepest parts of my being. I know answers to any of my problems come when I am willing to face my uncomfortable feelings and difficult thoughts. When I stay with these shameful hurts and pains within, something inside softens. The fear of staying here loosens its hold and breathing begins to quiet the mind allowing the dense thought-forms to fall away. I know that the only way out of my self-imposed pain is to go inward to hold it. When I listen with the ear of my heart, the still small voices of inner wisdom reveals what is nourishing.
As I pray and contemplate this connection inside, I find the strength that helps me handle the darkness of the inner and outer world. I also feel that meditation can help us handle all of the powerful light that is coming in at this time.
As we are called to live bigger and brighter, sometimes our resistance gets bigger, as well.
I witness how afraid we are to live our truest potential. We are afraid to fully let our light shine. Our addictions keep us trapped and muted. Can we be love with conviction? Can we see the miracle we are just by choosing to be peace? Can we open our hearts and share this food that light offers to the hungry? I think we all want that peace but first we must forgive the past by recognizing unhealthy emotional patterns. Can we let go of those moments that brought us to our knees when we uncovered the lie of unworthiness? Forgiving is part of the process as we begin to view the world through the lenses of new thought.
Living love and being the light for another is truly a gift. Nowhere on this earth have I experienced this gift more profoundly than when I have stood before the one people call John of God. He embodies the words that Mahatma Gandhi speaks of:
“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
I have been to Brazil to visit John of God two times before. Yet this trip brought me to understand more deeply how living to serve this food called love is our greatest gift. When I speak of love here, I mean divine love, God’s love. I believe that life brings us to more of it if we can be in the direct experience of any given moment. In the present moment, if we accept who we are, with all our fears and all our shame and guilt, then we will see that our feelings do not have to separate us. We can join together in the one mind.
My father died the day after my arrival in Abadiania, Brazil. It pushed me deeply into grief as I longed to touch my father again. I wanted to feel his spirit with me. I prayed and meditated. I walked in silence as my intention to be more present revealed many thoughts and feelings. I felt, I cried, I allowed myself to just be with me. I was so willing to heal my inner world and my body.
As I look around the hall where many wait to see Joao De Deus (John of God), I am humbled by these brave souls in wheel chairs, on crutches, and being carried. The sick and the dying, the searchers for truth all gather in this sacred holy place called Casa de Dom Inacio de Loyola. Everyone wears white; we are all the same here. We take our turn to stand in the presence of a man who has committed his life to the healing of the collective society. As a medium for God, he becomes a hollow reed. Medium Joao, as he likes to be called, radiates unconditional love that heals those who need healing. In the presence of this love, fear dissolves.
If enough of us stand in the light of true love, not simplistic love, but strong divine love, then there is peace and this creates a force field of healing light.
My group is called and slowly I walk in the line that brings us into the Entities Current room where John is. I feel held in the arms of the angels as I observe so many people sitting in pews meditating and radiating their love and support. The walls are crowded from floor to ceiling with holy pictures of Saints and music fills the air. It feels like a sacred pilgrimage to meet God through the eyes of Joao De Deus. For 48 years he has participated in the healing of over 8 million people.
When we give ourselves this deeper connection we can open up to the entire world. We can give and live for others from this full cup. I saw it when I stood in front of John. The light of God was spilling out of him like an endlessly flowing river. He was connected inward and sharing from this place where God meets us all. His words, so simple and yet profoundly truthful and filled with spirit, touched my heart and I melted into the love of my dad within this timeless sacred moment. I was changed in a holy instant.
No matter who we are, we have things to do to fulfill the calling of our souls. We are called to be authentically ourselves as best as we can be. We are challenged each day to dig deeper into ourselves to find out who we really are and to choose to live truthfully. Each of us, no matter who we are, can align ourselves with a better idea. All of us need more quiet time, not to retreat from the world but to merge with the treasures and richness that is flowing through our very being.
How will we hold the challenges and limitations that are given to us? When the resistance to the moment falls away, we are forever changed. We are the doorway as love enters this world through each of us individually as we join together as one. The joining creates a gateway where light enters to bring many treasures through our gaze, through our eyes, through our touch and through our words. We are the messengers as we let go of the past and allow the present moment to be all that is. When we look into the mirror that this world is, who we are is reflected back and we have another opportunity to share the truth that only the heart can receive.
Follow your dream and fully be yourself as you let what you do fill you with enthusiasm. You are brave the moment you enter inside, letting go of what holds you back from fully being here as yourself. Follow your heart for it is the gateway into the power of love that nurtures this dream as you become an instrument for God. You are the change.
This article by Frannie Hoffman was published in Transformation Magazine's January 2012 issue! http://www.suncoasttransformation.com/online/?p=2008
