New Life

On this day when all you can feel is the breath of love

She believed she could and so she did

Time stands still, as I watch my daughter give birth

She is a Warrior Mama with strength and courage to bring him forth

This Divine Miracle with Father calm by her side

I stand in your presence, little one

I see your face 

As you come into the world

My tears are flowing as the love gushes 

You are the light of my heart

I am in love

 

A bird is screeching. I am pulled out of where I am, listening to its message. I hear him announcing the arrival of this baby boy. I hear the excitement of nature singing her praises of this day. Such a beautiful opportunity to renew our sense of the sacred. There is so much innocence and beauty to be born as I gently move my attention to my heart. I am not missing a thing! Each day, hour by hour, moment by moment, here with my daughter Lane and her husband Rob, is a blessing.

             

It's quite the day! The sun beating down on our bodies as the waves crash towards the shoreline. The birds soaring over the mountain top. I watch and listen to nature being itself. Always the healer and giving me the peace that is beyond all understanding. 

             

My daughter is ready to give birth any day! We sit at the beach as she reads her journal pages to me. She started writing to Theo (baby in utero) since the beginning of this pregnancy. These beautiful words and thoughts she reads to Rob and I, are her inner most feelings about this journey she is on, bringing this precious child into the world. 

             

Another day comes and goes. It's already 10 days after his due date. Choosing to take joy in, I watch Lane move to the music as if she were on a stage, moving her body like a ballerina. The music seems to infuse strength into her limbs and every movement is effortless. Dancing to the songs that feed her soul as every motion is the expression of her deep love for her unborn child. Rob is filming this sacred dance as my eyes fill up with tears. So, cherished are these intimate moments before the birth. It's such a mystery to know when he will arrive. 

             

In the wee hours of the dawn, still dark outside, I wake up remembering my dream. My deceased husband Steve visited. In the dream, Lane is sitting in front of Steve. He is not speaking but his body language shows his excitement. Light illuminates his presence. She bends over to him and kisses his lips and a card, all folded up passes from his lips to hers. She takes the card and unfolds it very slowly, like it is a treasure and it says, "Hi Mama, I can't wait to be in your arms." Spirit speaks the celestial message from beyond.

Another day goes by as we carry on. I go to a yoga class and in the silent place within the pose I honor my urge to check my phone. I see the text from Lane, "my water broke, come home now!" I'm out in a flash and walking quickly down the busy street back to their home, wanting to tell every person passing by that my daughter is about to give birth. I am bursting with joy. The moment has come.

             

At 5:23 am on October 23rd, I witness my daughter giving birth. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. Her courage to move through it all naturally as peace became her mantra on this intimate adventure to motherhood was captivating. Her husband, her rock, speaking words from his heart transporting her to her safe place within. I stand in awe of the miracle of birth as I am aware of the presence that permeates the room. Then I see him. So, tiny with so much strength to come into our world. He is put on Lane's chest as we all cry with his first sound of life. Theo has arrived!

             

A couple of days after his birth, I hold him in my arms. We dance to the music that Theo listened to while he was in Lane's womb. As I gaze into his eyes, I remember this love.

He smiles and those dimples he has are kisses from Steve.

 

I love being his Nannie Frannie...

 

 

Welcome to our world my beautiful grandson, Theo Steven!

 

Namasté, 

Frannie

Come Alive to the Magnificence of Your True Self

This beautiful spring brings so much color as the butterflies come to touch the petals of the incredible flowering plants that cascade in the garden. I look around and see beauty everywhere as the sun touches my skin and I delight in all the new growth.

May is my favorite month of the year. There is so much blooming all around me, not just in my gardens but in my life too! My house is getting fixed up! I had to move every bit of furniture out to refinish the old terrazzo floors. It has been like moving in some ways, putting all of the furnishings in a big pod in my driveway. The weeks leading up to the move, I purged. I let go of so much as I went through the closets that had to be emptied. I was ruthless in this task and now as I walk through the empty rooms, I am excited to have it painted. It truly is creating an opening for new life to emerge. Picking new paint colors and buying new furniture is so much fun. New life is being born through it all, within me and all around. My boyfriend Robert is moving in soon and how wonderful is that! Birth is so lovely as all these changes bring the unknown as I leap into the abyss once again.

Growth can be hard and laboring a new self can be very difficult at times. Maybe I am growing older in age yet through all of life's disappointments hurts and forgotten dreams that die, I realize that the greatest wisdom that life has brought me is to learn the lessons of my soul, however painful it is. Sometimes my mind can take me down and destroy the dreams that are still carefully placed in my heart. The hardships and grief that loss brings can beat me down until I have the courage to take its medicine and realize that the crisis was truly the initiation into the magnificence and fullness of self. I just think that every challenge has made me a better person and each day I wake up and reach for God. Here I pray to be guided and used as an instrument for more peace. Here I remember that meditation and prayer help me to face the darkness in our world so that I don't allow the resistance to spiral me down into the chaos and negativity. In my quiet contemplation, I allow the light of consciousness to shine on all that is within, so I can see the good too! There is so much to be grateful for.

Mother's Day is here! I hold my mom in my heart today, feeling the beauty of her spirit. I miss her, and wouldn't it be nice if she could just walk into my house right now. I talk to her all the time and listen to the ways she speaks to me through this world. The love never dies and even the hardships and challenges of her life has helped me to be more my own true self.

I love being a mom. My son Luke and my daughter Lane are my most precious of all gifts that I have ever received. With their partners I have my son In-law Rob and daughter of my heart with Luke's girlfriend Eleni and I am Granny Frannie to her daughter Eliana. I feel so blessed. My heart just continues to expand and fall in love.

Now to announce the news! My child is going to have a baby. What an incredible experience this is. My daughter Lane and her husband Rob are going to have a baby boy in October. I'm going to be a Grandma! How blessed I am to witness this new life growing in my daughter's womb. She is healthy and so happy to become a mother.

Yes, our life brings labor as we let go and feel more alive, clear and authentic. We can reclaim the happiness that resides within. With deep listening and loving guidance, we can go out and share the love that has birthed within our hearts.

Sit quietly and breathe yourself into this moment.

Hold your sadness and regret within your heart and lean in.

Deep down, underneath the anxiety, beneath the fear, there is a greater reality that is present.

Here within the silence your heart is touched'

You are blessed, you are forgiven, you are an angel.

Look around with your eyes open and notice the beauty calling you to remember who you truly are.

You are awake and alive.

You are loved.

Rejoice in the ability to be conscious and let the wisdom to know that even through the ups and downs, there is compassion.

Now feel yourself being held by your mother.

In a grateful heart, bow your head to your heart.

Now be loved and be love.

 

 Namasté,

Frannie

Happy Mother's Day! 

Fall in Love with Life

"Love is always patient and kind; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful...Love is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes." Corinthians

 

Fall is coming and with the all the energy of August's two eclipses, with the Full moon on the 7th and the Solar Eclipse on the 21st,this is a force for change as we tap into the deeper qualities of presence. We can become a clearer space for our everyday living.

 

It's been a powerful time for me as I let go of some of my old dreams as well as cleaning out my closets and drawers. The biggest letting go for me is finishing the book I have been writing since Steve transitioned 4 years ago. Reading the words that I wrote daily that helped me grieve now seems like I am using the spirit of death as an ally. I am inspired by all that released the emotional baggage I was carrying around before and after his death. Through it all, I realized more deeply how the feeling of fear can take over and swallow me up in a blink of an eye. In the pain of all that was changing it was very difficult to see or even imagine the new self I was becoming. My mind would replay every detail of all the bad moments until I was exhausted. My conscious breath would land me back into the present moment where I was safe inside again. Despite all of my endless limitations I could return to the feeling of being new and become one with the energy of God or the Divine.

 

Falling in love with life can be one day at a time. Our spiritual field is rich and fertile when we let go of what just doesn't work anymore and we can become ready to release the richness that this life offers us. It's so easy to overthink our life until we feel stagnant and overwhelmed. Sometimes the only way to find out what is ahead is for us to step into the unknown which can build confidence for this life that is unfolding.

 

We don't have to go out and search for love. We just need to be still and let love in. Love will find us. As the Bible says, "Perfect love casts out all fear."

 

Namasté,

Frannie

Summer Breeze

I receive a phone call and the news on the other end takes me by surprise. I know what to do. I know that staying present is what I need. I listen deeply. I feel my fears begin to show and yet listening brings me deeper inside. I watch my mind dive into the past. I hear a voice that begins to worry about the future. I breathe and listen to the moment. How easy it is to slip away into the mind that seems to keep me a prisoner of the past! The conversation was cut short and I was left in worry. It just doesn't feel good to obsess in that mind that thinks it knows what I need to do.

I set the phone down and I feel myself. Slowly I walk outside. The touch of a summer breeze gently brings me back to the moment as I take my walk outside to my lanai. I pray for peace and clarity as my eyes gaze in front of me and there is the largest butterfly spread against the screen. I am reminded that this world is being used by God to bring healing. I feel the quiet come over me like the hand of God just lifted me up into a sweet embrace. I stared at this gift that spoke to me of transformation. I felt touched by this love from the heavens that filled me with hope.

In the moment of this stillness, I remembered a time when I was filled with confusion about a major life decision. I had been on a retreat at Mt. Shasta, California. A week of introspection and transformation. After the week of intense letting go, a few of us decided to go camping for a couple of days before heading back home.

I woke up that morning with a high fever and flu-like symptoms. My head was pounding and I knew that I couldn't join the group of friends that were going to hike up the mountain. After everyone left I decided to walk down the path to a stream. It was a hot summer day and with the way I was feeling, I needed to get out of the heat. I could hear the sound of water rushing over rocks in the distance. It was like music calling me and guiding me to come. As I got closer, I could feel the summer breeze that gently moved over the meadow. I couldn't wait to slip into the stream. I slowly made my way into the freezing cold water that was flowing from further up the mountain. Surely there was snow way up high where my friends were hiking.

I fully lowered myself into the icy water and laid there until I couldn't stay any longer. I made my way to the river bank and sat cross legged. It was so quiet and peaceful. I began to stare at the little bush in front of me. As I focused my attention on the leaves I saw this bush was filled with bees. So many bees were sitting on the leaves and branches, buzzing around. I thought of St. Francis of Assisi who would be a magnet for all kinds of wild life. He would be so still and allow the energy of all beings to come close. Birds would sit on him as if he were branches of a tree. Animals of all kind would never be intimidated by his presence.

I closed my eyes and without fear of being stung I knew that in my own stillness I was filled with peace. I breathed into the moment, communing with the lovely bees that were on the branches and leaves before me. Then I slowly felt guided to open my eyes and now all those bees were sitting on me. I was covered with them and some were buzzing around me. I continued to breathe in and out calmly and settled more deeply inside. It felt like their presence on my skin moved me deeply into my body. I had no busy or aggressive mind hindering my receptivity. I was overflowing with a profound joy. I wanted to laugh out loud but I didn't want to move. I felt a calm so deep within me that the experience was so full of life. Then slowly the bees lifted off like they were helicopters taking flight. One by one, I watched these insects leave as they went on their merry way.

I was in gratitude of what happened, as obstacles that might have been in me before were now dissolved. I got up and walked back to the camp site and I felt well. My fever was gone and my energy was back. It was as if these bees were pulling out my sickness with their presence.

Sometimes a gentle touch is all we need. We just want to be touched because it heals us. We carry a whole world full of experience as we walk through the streets of our ordinary lives. As we brush up against each other, we are touched by a gaze, a smile, a thought or words. Touch can be the language of love for another and in giving we are receiving.

When life brings me to my knees as I watch my children on their own climb up the mountain top, I can listen. It is the language of the heart that speaks from this unending stream of consciousness where I can become still and wait. The truth of my own deepest being is touching me and guiding my way back to love. 

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM LOVE

All my love, 

Frannie

The Art of Conscious Loving

We are people who need to love, because love is the soul's life, 

Love is simply creation's greatest joy. - Hafiz

 

 The sunrise must be happening even though outside of the window it still looks dark. The birds are singing so loudly this dawn and what I keep hearing is, "wake up, wake up!"  How easy it is to sometimes just pull the cover over my head and not face the day because of the disappointments or fears that come rushing in. Being aware of the suffering in the world can truly dim my light and keep me from my hopes and dreams.  

 

It takes courage to uncover the dreams that were once buried deep inside of our hearts. There can be lots of excuses, detouring us away, rejecting or missing opportunities.

 

The phone call came in the middle of my day and the news was unexpected. I could feel my heart sink into despair. How easy I could forget my heart's desire and get caught up in the emotional charge of being rejected. In just one moment I felt the hurt rise up in me. I breathed in as I hung up the phone. There was nothing I could do but be fully present. Mollie, my puppy, was barking and letting me know that a client was walking into my office. Deep down I could feel the sadness and anger yet consciously I knew that this was just bringing me truth. I was okay and able to continue to let the day unfold. I bow to my clients who always bring me presence. I overcome the resistance and a feeling of true power enters me. I can be myself. It's such a privilege to live this life and know that a plan was happening here. 

I learned a long time ago that this world is my messenger. A meditation practice continues to support me and bring me back to neutrality. If I am reacting to the circumstance at hand, I will spiral into negative thinking and keep myself a victim. Connecting to my feelings with compassion will help the suppressed emotions to pass by and slowly I can become more aware.  I can be angry, sad or disappointed even though its uncomfortable and underneath it all there is the guilt or shame that is so hard to touch. Yet this moment is a breath away from feeling free. I lean into it all without judgment and connect right away to my source. God is here as love. I am here in the most loving way and I align with what is true- I am a child of God, worthy to be loved.

 

The very thing that upset me can be a beautiful opportunity to release the past judgments and receive this moment. I can choose to stop controlling or sedating my inner experience. I can be fully present with my Self, just the way I am and this calms me and dissolves the misunderstandings. I can't control the world or the things outside of me but I can trust in what Spirit is telling me. I can listen to the inner guidance showing me the way. 

 

This morning the dawn woke me up with the sounds of birds singing. They just would be singing no matter what was going on. These birds aren't waiting to see who is listening. They sing and I am awake to hear their offering. I listen in the quiet of the morning and being myself is the message I receive and that always gives me life. How simply it can be!

 

I love this entry into myself as I breathe in and receive all that is here. It seems that a new day can always bring new insight and an opportunity to see this world with a sense of God where nothing is between us and the life around us. I have a choice in how I will be today.

 

So, like the bird singing this morning, the flower radiates its beauty or a smile from a stranger gets my attention and fills me up.  I get wrapped up in a piece of artwork and get lost in creating or reading a favorite book. When I begin to get quiet, I get a nugget of wisdom that changes my thinking. Receiving this world as it is and all that is magnificent can return me back to love. In a holy instant, I choose to be with myself fully in my experience of this world. Life is the gift and I can share it through my expression no matter what the conditions are.

 

As I stand at the counter in my kitchen, with oldies blaring out of the speakers, I chop the veggies for tonight's dinner. At the end of the day, even though I am tired, I rest in my heart and will not forget my dream because the ember is still glowing in my soul. I live in union with it and the miracle is in the letting go.

 

The door opens and my boyfriend, Robert walks in with his smile that wraps me up. We dance in the living room without saying a word. Being ourselves, we come home to the love that just wants to be shared. The art of conscious loving is being ourselves, unveiled and authentic. Those birds know how to just be, as we are reminded again and again to love ourselves right now.

 

Happy Loving Ourselves and Each Other Day!

 

Take a deep breath.

Feel what is rising within.

Love is the way.

Soften around what is resisting and let go.

Loving yourself is the pathway.

Lean into everything, then the resistance can leave.

Now you are at the entrance to the threshold.

The doorway is your heart.

Trusting in the power that comes from source/God.

Walk through and love greater.

Love is the answer.

The happiness that is you is your true nature.

Now open and allow your light to soften your gaze on the world.

Looking into the face of humanity, you can feel the love that is you.

This is the art of conscious loving.

All my love

Namaste

Frannie

Be the Happy in Your New Year!

"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence." -Aristotle       

                                                                                                                                

There is no time like this present moment to open our minds and hearts and become responsible for our own happiness. It is true that happiness lies within us and when we discover it, it becomes infectious. We aren't protected from the problems of life when we are happy because we can't control events or people around us. Yet our attitude and connection can help us to see our cup half full instead of empty as we respond to life instead of react.

All my yesterdays have prepared me for my future. In some ways, it has pre-paved for me what will come in the present. Sometimes we can't get away from our own mistakes. We make choices that we know aren't good for us. We sometimes say something hurtful to the ones we love. We are just human after all and accepting ourselves isn't always easy but needed. Life can just wear us down and we touch the exhaustion that is telling us to take better care of ourselves. We can receive it all and allow it to show us the wisdom that it holds.

 

Yet, with all that life has brought to me, I am sometimes taken aback by what appears to get my attention. As much as I strive to be at peace in my mind or attempt to be self- realized, I am a human being after all, imperfect and beautiful all wrapped up in one.

 

The symptoms of my body are calling me again, where I have been a little care free, enjoying the foods traveling to Italy and being more lenient with my choices during the holidays.

 

My body has always been a constant teacher and reminder of where true healing occurs. I can sometimes be taken away by believing that vitamins and tinctures like magic potions can bring me to the cure. Truly, all that awareness is helpful and supportive for the overall well-being of my physical body. It is a lifestyle of living life with more consciousness that keeps me awake.

 

Now it is my return to making choices with what I feed my body as certain symptoms like low energy and reoccurring viruses visit me. What pulls me away from a healthy constitution seems to be habits and life- long patterns that surely takes my energy and I get out of balance. All of it is a contributor to health challenges. It's also the deep seeded beliefs or past pain that is still harbored within me that can always be a doorway back home to what is true. I don't have to do anything but accept where I am and then listen deeply to the wise part of me that knows what is needed.

 

Last night I had a visitation in my dream from the healer from Brazil, John of God. I have been in his physical presence quite a few times. In the dream, he was like a long -time friend pulling up a chair for me as we talked about life as it was and then I said, "I am healed in the presence". He was the reminder. I woke up from the dream realizing once again that I am healed right now in the mind of God. It is what is the true reality. Clarity comes with more compassion and I remember that inside I am ageless and pure light. This for me is the greatest gift I give to myself. I awaken from the dream of separation. I am a part of this vast energy that creates worlds.

 

Meditation is my practice. When I reach deep inside with my breath, this feeling of pure presence takes me into its embrace. Like a mother holding her baby, I am cradled in the arms of a love that has no conditions. This is the place where I can let go a little more like a snake shedding its old skin as I allow myself to open. I let out that sigh of relief as I remember to take great care of myself. Unplugging from all the things I think I need to do, I get plugged into this light that knows where to go. I am filled with this presence that takes over and moves me into my heart that has been broken over time. I evolve in spite of my own limitations. Here I am free. I am happy and that feeling doesn't come from outside of me in any way. This is my birthright. Using the old to build the new helps me to be ignited once again to see for the very first time.

 

Happiness begins to fill up my heart and the energy of pure love flows through me as if I am a lamp radiating the light that spills out without effort. This feeling is like no other. It becomes me and through me I join with all who walk in this life. There is a comfort here that soothes the achy muscles of a life long journey. I let go once again of the control I think I have and let spirit guide me. With my eyes and heart wide open I am used to share this joy of being here and it can ease the burden of others and bring lightness to another's heart.

 

How will the new year unfold? All I know is that in the presence I am healed and my mind becomes the silent sanctum for the voice of spirit to be heard. I rejoice in the knowing that bowing down to kiss this earth with my expression is the gift I share with all I meet. I am not alone as I pour my heart and soul into the moment.

 

I choose to be the Happy in my New Year! Sometimes it's more difficult when the pain and suffering of this world takes my breath away. All I can do is breathe it all in fully and with my heart open, vulnerable and real, I can trust that all is well.

 

So, let us all join in this vast field that Rumi talks about in his poem; "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing there is a field, I will meet you there." In this field of presence when we live in our hearts, there is no distance and no time. Like the visit I had from the healer John of God, we can help our world remember as we awaken from the dream of separation. We can join in a love that creates worlds. We are the message of hope and peace that abides within this incredible vessel we are.

 

So, be the instrument praising creation and let the sound heal your hearts as you sing loudly the love of your true nature. Happiness is your birthright.

Let's be the HAPPY in the NEW YEAR!

I love you,

Frannie

Under the Tuscan Sky

"Recognize the tremendous courage you show every moment of every day, with each breath, you reaffirm your decision to embrace and learn from your own challenges. Within that recognition, you will find your soul." -Your Soul's Plan by Robert Schwartz

This journey we are on is about love. We are here to learn to love ourselves and others. It's hard when we are deep in grief or fear has us paralyzed in its grip or when we think we can't possibly try again. Maybe then, we can let out a sigh that helps us let go of what is and inhale and try once again.  If we  accept life as it is, we might see the energy that is weaving us all together like one beautiful tapestry. Allowing it all to be without judgment helps us to see our life lessons that can be less painful when we breathe deeply into this presence that lives through us and around us in every moment of our living. When we meet the outer world with our inner world, our heart prevents us from collapsing and we are very much in control of what we can be. We learn to be more resilient as the pain of life moves through us.

Being in Italy is truly a romantic backdrop for falling in love. It's definitely a place to find yourself in the arms of beauty that exists all around. The sculptures, the paintings, the cobble stone streets, the ruins that are around every corner, especially in Rome, captivates you. Everywhere I look, I am in awe of the massive buildings, the cypress and umbrella trees. It's busy with cars and people from all nations as one gets caught up in being a tourist. So much to see and take in as I walk the streets or drive through the countryside.  It's all magical and in some ways it feels surreal. It's like stepping into another world, so different than the one I am used to living in.

As I sit under the arbor, overlooking the valley, here at the Villa Stefano in Tuscany, I enter inside with my breath as the beauty of the outside brings me to a sigh. It's the comfort of fully being here within myself as I take in the peace that nature gives so freely. In this silence within me, my senses heighten and the sweet music of the birds, the sounds of insects flying near as the breeze wraps itself around me, I drop into the familiar place of connection. It doesn't matter where I am, I come inward so that the awareness of all that is,  gives me that feeling like no other. It's like meeting an old friend, where there is no distance or time when we live in the heart. It's just comfortable to be right here amidst this world that spins around with so much information and movement. I feel like being still is like winning a most treasured gift. It's not like I am running away from life, I just come inside to find that sweet spot where the divine meets my humanity. It's always there waiting for my return and when I do take reprieve from my busy world, I am rewarded. I feel I see the world with a deeper connection and I love more deeply. I would say that mindfully I have chosen to live from the inside out and then this world becomes my constant companion and there is less struggle because I realize everything is perfectly unfolding.

artwork by Frannie

A week ago, just starting off my vacation in Tuscany at the Villa where my boyfriend Robert brings tours to experience living in Italy, I fell down the stairs and sprained my foot. Off to the doctors to get X-rays and a walking cast. This was definitely not in my plan. There was no time to feel sorry for myself because obviously the moment before my fall, I wasn't as present as I could have been and how grateful I was it wasn't worse. It happens so quickly and life as we know it changes.

So for a year you think about this month long retreat away and all of your imaginings truly can't ever do it justice. It's just beautiful arriving here and walking or limping for me on the ancient roads and seeing the cathedrals and museums of exquisite art. Everywhere you walk is a picture worthy of taking and the food is such a big part of the experience of Italy. Robert is the ultimate host and all of his planning comes together so naturally  as each person begins to make their home this villa. Nothing to do but enjoy being taken care of as drivers and guides take you on the tours and when you arrive back to your villa home, a 5 to 7 course meal awaits. Robert has a young chef, Alessia,who is from the area and cooks all of the recipes from all around Italy and with Roberts passion of cooking, the food is nothing less then perfect. Every course is like going into the best restaurant and what is so great is the love that is poured into every dish. You learn about the history of these dishes and sitting under the stars and moon we enjoy conversation, food and delicious wines around the table where friendships grow deeper. Maria and her daughter Diana serve and clean up and there is nothing you need to do but receive the relaxation of this beautiful place.

So, I am reminded again, that it is not the experiences that form us but it is the way we respond to it. As I sit in this stillness of a beautiful afternoon, I see with a greater awareness that when I don't push against what is, there is a freedom to experience what is here. There is no distractions as I allow myself the luxury to sit on the patio and feel the exquisite beauty of being right here inside myself. After letting go of my disappointment that I could not go on the walking tour with my friends, I was here, in this magnificent experience that brought me into the stillness that for me is heaven on earth. I was so happy to know that my friends were enjoying Sienna and shopping in Florence and viewing the David at the Academia. The joy was right here making a way for me to let go a little more of my plans and trust that healing was happening because I did not stay stuck in the loss. Yes, even when you fall and you can't walk, you grieve a little because we have such expectations with our thought out plans. I know Robert had thoughts of me  walking down to the river or climbing up the hills through the vineyards. Yet, to realize that this moment is all you have, you can create a deeper union with spirit and let your eyes open wide and appreciate all that is existing. I take in a breath of fresh air and watch the breeze move through the olive trees as the sun warms my heart. Getting lost in the moment, I look up at the clear blue sky.

As a writer and an artist, it is the stillness that becomes my workplace. This is where I take in the world and all of it's impressions and when I sit still and come inward, the words or brush strokes, express the feelings and thoughts of what life has brought me. I love to share it in this way and how beautiful it is to put an experience onto a clear canvas or even my tablet. I just get fed, just like eating all the delicious food that has been put on my plate.

Seeing all of the paintings of the Renaissance time or sculptures of the masters, I am inspired just with my eyes as I observe it all and it brings an energy that weaves it all together. I can feel inspired to draw or paint even though my skills are so simple, I can look at these masterpieces and be taken into a world of creation and get lost in the silent mind that just receives its beauty. Sitting inside this quiet place I sigh with relief that even if I do nothing but receive this moment, I can be renewed and full of life once again.

So whether I travel to far away places or just happen to pull myself away from all of the distractions like cell phones, YouTube, Facebook, and emails, I can journey inside to a inner landscape and be brave enough to allow myself to face the inner parts hidden underneath all of those questions and ideas. I can welcome it all until  I am unveiled and nothing keeps me from the joy of being right here. The voices become quiet and the body softens and my heart expands to love this world a little more. This amplifies the experience of life as I walk with or without crutches to bring the calm into this ordinary world filled with commotion.

I look out over the valley and the same sky that hours ago brought me here, looks even brighter.

Ciao Bella,

Frannie

The Pilgrimage is Life

"Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love. The wound is the place where the Light enters you. Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." Rumi

I walk down the dock this early morning, silently drawn by the hand of my own spirit. I have walked here countless times before where I know that nature, always the same, holds me no matter what I bring from within. It seems that the painful moments of yesterday's were just passageways to more life. Loss has truly been a constant companion and now I am understanding more deeply that the letting go of what was and the allowing of what is becomes the doorway to love.

Two swans sit in front of me. It is such a peaceful moment in time as the warmth of this summer morning brings me home to myself. I am so grateful for this beautiful cottage that holds for me the memories of a life of growing up through all of the challenges that come with this journey.

The sun rises up behind me as it shines its light upon the rippling water. It is so clear I can see the sea weed right to the bottom. I remember, as a child, diving off the dock into the water as the grass brushed up against my skin. I remember when I first opened my eyes under the surface as I glided through and the vision of underwater life thrilled me. Again and again I would climb back onto the dock until I was shivering and my lips were blue. I just wanted to experience it one more time.

The wonder of a child who sees this world with eyes that hold no judgement. When did it all change? How easy it is to just see this world with eyes of the past, projecting that which sees with limitation or scaring the moment with critical voices.

So it is, each time I enter this dock, memories pass by my mind yet I never get tired of the beauty held in these precious moments. Many a time I have sat here to meditate and begin the day, knowing within my breath that I will be nurtured by every sound and gaze. It is where my heart knows that even through the ages of time, deep inside I am still that one that dove into the water 50 or more years ago. My body has changed yet the same joy of being alive is filling me up and my presence is familiar. Nothing distracting me away from the moment where I know who I am.

This pilgrimage through life has made me the person I am yet the spirit of me is unchanging. Maybe I am more awake for sure yet there is a familiar part of me that continues to observe this life as it is. This observer is the witness never changing, just being. I see with an open heart as the fish jump, the birds fly overhead, the swans glide over the rippling waters and the trees stand at attention like a picture frame. I hear the cars in the distance as they move across the gravel road and sounds of cottagers waking up making breakfast as the smell of bacon and coffee moves through the breeze. The cows moo and the crows caw and the music of the water underneath the dock cradles me like a lullaby. The sunlight touches the back of my head as it peeks over me. I look into the blue sky as clouds are painted with brush strokes by a quiet creator. This beautiful painting gives me life and I am inspired to receive it deeply with every breath I take.

Yes, this is home, built by my parents and left for us to enjoy with our children and our children's children. The joy of our family life has continued through the ebb and flow of this journey through the ages and because the falseness has fallen away and the barriers have softened, I come here more alive then ever before because I let life fully in. There is nothing that has separated me from this union where my spirit loved ones join me this day. I am so grateful as I feel the presence of my mother and father and my husband Steve, as I invite it all in.

Happy Birthday to you mom today. You would be 90 years old. I bow to you for I was born through your womb and your pilgrimage has brought me to mine. I continue to walk on and with all the gifts that life has brought me, I am connected to a power that creates worlds as I trust in this life that is unfolding.

We are all on a pilgrimage. A sacred journey where we unveil through our own self imposed barriers and let the walls crumble as the light enters, shining on the path that continues to be life giving. We walk on as we become the one that hears the calling, sharing love in our way through the gifts of being ourselves. As I hear the voice of spirit speak, I receive her message - On this day of birth, you are more because I am more with you.

As this pull from within has drawn me to the end of the dock this morning, I know that my spirit loved ones are here - my heart tells me so!

Namaste,

Frannie

Partnering with Spirit

It's been a stormy and rainy day as I drive from the office to have dinner with my boyfriend Robert. There on the grass, parked is a white limousine. Today would have been my wedding anniversary to Steve and there it is, the road sign and symbol of our union. As I listen to my heart speaking to him, the dark heavy clouds are pouring down rain, as a bright sun peaks out of the opening and shines right on my car and the road I am driving on. Then the song that Luke sang at our wedding begins to play on the radio. My body begins to vibrate with truth chills as Steve's presence continues to make itself known. I line up in the moment and then this divine awareness becomes my beloved companion. It's not a phenomena to me. I invite my spirit loved ones to show up in my world at anytime. I feel their messages of love sent to me daily.

(drawing by Frannie Hoffman)

 

I love the quote from Yoko Ono when she was asked how she could bear being without John Lennon given they had spent 90% of their time together, her response was:

"Now we spend 100% of our time together."

 

The death of the body is not the death of love. It doesn't mean we don't grieve and feel the hurt but we can transcend the loss. When our hearts remain open to the flow of truth, the spirit can compensate for material loss. 

 

My connection to spirit's wisdom is natural and intimate. It feels like second nature to me and I believe that all the losses in my life have helped me to feel myself more fully and allow inner guidance or intuition to be my lifeline to freedom. If we can turn our attention inward to our heart instead of letting outside appearances overwhelm us, the Universe will show us what to do and where to go as we trust our own vibration.

 

My mother was a great teacher for me. She didn't listen to the doctor who told her that she couldn't have children. She climbed those steps of St. Joseph's Oratory in Quebec, praying as she knelt on every step, listening to her heart. She saw the crutches and wheel chairs that lined up on her path up the hill. Her pilgrimage was her own. She allowed her deepest desire to speak loudly. She believed she was born to have children. She listened to her inner calling and leaped with faith as she continued to give herself up to God. She knew her calling was to be a mother. Nothing stopped her from this deep spiritual connection to her heart. She had faith and her fears did not stop her.

 

That night my mother conceived triplet girls. My sisters and I were born and 2 years later so was my brother. 

 

My mother was an incredibly gifted and talented woman. She lived with a disease where her mind kept her in fear and so many days she was paralyzed with anxiety. Her suffering was unending and yet the joy of her children was the salve that soothed her brokenness. She was beautiful and cooking was love. She always had soup going on the stove or something mouth watering in the oven. She was a master at painting and creating centerpieces made of driftwood. Did I say how she loved her children? It is worth saying again. Maybe sometimes she loved us more than herself.

 

I wished she could have loved her own life more fully but yet in the end, she continued to be brave. It took great courage to let go of this world. She suffered with Alzheimer's and in her tormented days, she would look around her most favorite home, our cottage up north in Northern Ontario, and stare at all of her belongings surrounding her. The walls were adorned with the many oil paintings that she created through the years . My mother would cry out and plead " I want to go home. Please, you tell me these are my paintings and this is my favorite home, just take me home, nothing here is familiar." As I looked into her eyes she said, " I want to go home! "

 

At the time it was heartbreaking to listen to her pain and longing to remember her home. Now I believe that she was longing for her spiritual home. This place of comfort that no longer was inside her reality anymore. She was longing for that which seemed forgotten. 

 

Home for her was creating in the kitchen beautiful recipe's that made your mouth water just thinking about it. She showed her love through her cooking and sharing food. Her mother was the same. Food was love and that was something that I was always inspired by. I too love to cook and share love in this way. It is that feeling inside that makes you feel at home and having a pot of soup on the stove is something that just feels good. I love the feeling of cutting up veggies and throwing it all in a pot as I create this goodness that gives me life. Creating salads and dishes of all kinds is just a little piece of heaven for me. It doesn't matter if I didn't have enough money to shop for a big grocery, I would use what I had to create something that could feed others. It was a way to share love. 

 

Our mothers were our first home inside their womb. They are the music on the radio, the sun peaking through the rain clouds. They whisper sweet comfort during these life long journeys.

 

Today let us celebrate our mothers and mother figures in our life. Maybe they didn't always give us what we needed. These great woman helped to mould us and to be all that we are today. 

 

May we forgive our own fears when we forget how natural it is to breath and become more. We are here to bring life into us and let our bodies be the instrument to co-create a beautiful life. From the inside to the outside, let us leap into the moment with great abandon and share all that we receive.

 

Bowing to our mothers for we can receive life because this is our birthright! 

How blessed I am to be a mother.

 

Namaste,

Frannie

Be Awake and Bloom

We all have the extraordinary coded within us, waiting to be released. - Jean Houston

Sitting on the pier with my brother fishing opened me as I gazed over the water feeling the comfort of his presence so near me. It was familiar as if there was no time. It's been years since we spent more than a few hours just with each other. The gifts of these moments fed me like the days of our youth. We would spend countless hours in the little aluminum boat on our lake in Northern Ontario catching perch, bass and sometimes a pike. Fishing in the river I recall myself being lost in the gazing into the still waters observing the sunlight reflecting in the fallen trees or driftwood making home for sea life. I liked it best in the river because of the calm waters and I could hear the birds and listen to the turtle as it made its way out of the water onto the fallen tree trunk. The sounds brought me closer to my own calmness inside. Those memories of myself as a child, was at home in nature.

 

Maybe back then it mattered if we caught any fish. Today all that mattered was being right here sharing the moment with Phil. This timeless feeling where our hearts have never been separated by distance or time and we remember in the stillness of this precious moment that love is all there is.

 

We both have been through the loss of our mates, our mother and father and as the years have flown by we have lost time with each other. Today we return to the simple pleasures of being alive because we have weathered the storms and moved through our grieving hearts able to rise up and receive what gives life. Standing together and sharing the wisdom of what has been in the past, with some of our falseness fallen away, we are fully present with each other even if we are not talking, just being ourselves.

 

Knowing someone deeply is such a treasure and as we share with one another our hurts, our pains and our joy. Speaking from the heart or gazing into the eyes of another we realize that they have been where we have. That they have touched those stirring waters as emotions ripple deeply within. We can open ourselves to this deep stillness inside and know that others are the same. We can receive the moment and allow our internal eyes to see beyond the image of aging and find that sweet spot within our open heart. Here we can rest for awhile as our breath leads us to our own heartbeat. Our whole world is within us and yet how much of our ourselves do we share with another? We are planting new seeds in every moment and these intimate moments can become the flowers of tomorrow's happiness.

 

Today as I sit, discovering who I am, I am humbled by the knowing that even though the dramas of life continues to move through my blood, I can fully embrace it all as I breathe into the quiet where God has no language. In the stillness I find the peace and remember that all is well as I let go once again to find that seed that has been planted within me. The spark of light that needs my attention. I breathe in and allow in the fullness of being here with all of the memories of days gone by and return to the presence that is my inner strength as peace and serenity find me. In this garden where all begins to bloom, I feel a power greater than my little self showing me the way as I become that flower receiving the light of a radiant sun. I have gazed into the eyes of life itself and allowed it to bring me happiness. I am here to grow and every part of life has made it so.

Blessed Be,

Frannie

Be the Light of the World

Tis the season!

A time of sharing and celebrating the birth of Christ. I grew up in a Catholic household and yet through the years I have found my way inward to create a peaceful time through the holiday season. It is beyond the dogma of religion. It is a season to share our hearts with our families, friends and community. It is another day to remember that peace abides within a grateful heart and sometimes our longing is just a breath away. We can choose to drop into this moment of a holiday season and just breathe in this precious life that we have and get out of the way so that we can be used to bring some light into the world.

It's not always the happiest days when we think of the loved ones that have transitioned or live far away and are not here to sit at our table on Christmas day. Life has brought opportunities to help me to shift into what is the gift that is most natural to give. I love to give in the spirit of self -expression. To share food, conversation, appreciation or just listening to those that are placed before me. We can hold the hand of the one that sits beside us and just be love. Why isn't it always that easy? Why do we ever for an instant stop ourselves from expressing who we truly are? Why is life so hard sometimes and we wait for someone to give us permission to just let go and let God? 

  

I walk down the beach on this glorious day, the sun is shining in the brilliant blue sky as I reach down and pick up a shell. I look at it as if it were a gift from the heavens. I gaze up at the sky and I speak out loud to my spirit loved ones. I speak to them as if they were walking beside me and then I listen with a silent and open heart. Sometimes I just hear myself talking. Today, the waves of energy flow up and down my spine and tears roll down my face as a sweet energy fills my heart. It is such a mystery as I watch the sun setting and the brilliant sky lights up in every shade of orange. This masterpiece created by this divine force begins to speak a language heard only within my heart. I am filled with love once again.

  

Nature is my teacher and reminder of who I truly can be. I have wept before the sunrise and sunset so many times. I have raged and screamed my hurt and pain a thousand times when I have forgotten to breathe or disconnected from my source. The world has brought me face to face with myself and humbly I bow to nature as the earth grounds me into what is real. I let go so that I can sit at the smorgasbord of this table of life. It is filled with so much food and I can taste the nectar that nourishes my heart. I walk back home.

The season is preparing me to empty so that I can be filled with more peace. I enter my front door and begin to take out the boxes that are stored in the laundry room.

  

This ritual I have as I take out the Christmas ornaments, one by one, brings memories through many years of my life. My heart feels it all and breath by breath I am humbled by the presence of spirit that gives to me through these moments where my story continues to unfold. Right here in my living room as Christmas music plays, I wrap my tree with the strands of lights of every color. Then I turn on the switch and the darkened room is filled with light. I open myself with the awe that filled me for the first time when I was a child. This incredible feeling of wonder as if I was just born.

  

These lights are twinkling before me. I sit on the couch and breathe it all in. I can be the light in the world and so can you. We can be used as an instrument for peace to touch the world through our living.

I savor the gift of presence as I open each day as if it were a present!

Happy Holidays to all!

All my love,

Frannie

The Love That Never Dies

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one, you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to.”

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler

The preciousness of this life, appreciating ourselves and each other and our world seemed to be awakened more deeply in me during the fragility of the days, weeks and months since the sudden death of my husband Steve last June. It didn’t matter how emotionally or physically fit I thought I was, the day my husband died unexpectedly from an aneurism- I was shattered and broken. The continuously busy world went on around me as I entered into the valley of sorrow where my children, family and friends stood with me. I was in shock and the trauma pushed me inside where all was revealed and uncovered. Moving through the pain without distraction was the ticket Home. At the time, I was sad, hurt, angry and alone. The grief devoured me like a hungry animal.

No one can fix us or do this work for us. When I stayed in the missing and longing for my husband, and some days that is all I could do, I would cry those buckets of endless tears. I was brought to my knees and to the very roots of the pain. There was no one to blame for now I had no choice but to deeply face it all for myself. Here is where some more of the falseness fell away and I returned to what was true. Now I can see clearer as I look upon my life up to this moment and listen deeply to what is being given. I can receive the truth that I am worthy.

As Joseph Campbell says so beautifully, “the privilege of a lifetime is to be who you are”.

When I joined with Steve in spirit, my misery faded.  Maybe his body was gone but his spirit was brilliant.  I witnessed first- hand how this time of great sorrow was to bring me greater awareness and transformation.

The sadness of a life without him will always be with me and as the days, weeks, months and now a year has gone by, this missing him is a constant companion. It is an incredible and life changing experience as I now can look upon the moment of his transition and I am so grateful to have had such a man. He led me back to my Beloved. Here we are never separate and never alone. I walk on in appreciation of life that continues to go on. I can feel the joy again and that is the gift when you allow sorrow to intimately be your teacher.

Life on this earth is a great treasure and we are surrounded by angels. The moment Steve left his body he was right there in all of his radiance, dialoging with me in all kinds of ways. Many of my friends and family also had visitations from him and he even told one of my girl- friends that he would joke with her until I was ready to play again. These angels or guides are our spirit loved ones floating around us or walking on this planet with us in physical form. Even the ones we imagine to be in conflict with us or the ones we view as our enemy, they are angels. Steve was and still is that angel that has assisted me in healing and continues to do so. His death was divinely on purpose to bring the gift of love that never dies.

Writing has always healed my heart and has helped me to create expression for my soul. I wrote and wrote through these months and now it is turning into a book called, Good Grief! Loss- The Doorway to New Life. I hope to have it available by the New Year. I also would like to share that I will start back with one to one sessions after my daughter’s wedding which is August 29th. I will send out an email when I return from California.

In the meantime, I am excited to share with you my new co-creation! I wrote a chapter for a collaborative book project called Transform Your Life! that will feature tools to inspire transformation in readers' lives!  At this same time, the book will feature authors who have overcome tremendous obstacles and through them found meaning and purpose to not only transform their lives but the lives of others.

As an author I am able sell books at a discount rate for 20% off. I will be honored if you will help support me and the book's movement to help people transform their lives. You can do this by simply spreading the word and/or purchasing the book to inspire your own life or gift to a friend.

I want to thank you for celebrating with me in this opportunity to collaborate and make a difference!

This is the link to purchase the book:

http://transformation-publishing.com/book/transform-your-life

When you go to check out use this coupon code:

 Coupon Code:  frannie20

P.S. The coupon is good on ALL books on Transformation Publishing's site!