Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Rebirth Into Your Fullness

As the months of inner hibernation have helped you to let go of what was, you will now blossom. The fruits of your labor will bring aliveness and delicious parts of you into the world. Your body is the vessel of this infinite life that will continue to give to the world.  - Frannie (from my upcoming book)

Just a few days ago, I sat beside my friend Charlotte, holding her hand as I received her fully. I was taking her in, every part of her. In my heart I knew this might be the last time I get to touch her physical body. Her smiling eyes reflected back the magnificent beauty of her life. I gazed at her every movement and listened to every word and in the silence of my mind, I felt the love of just being in her presence. I wasn't wrapped up in the fear of her dying. I was held in a love that had always been there since the first moment I met her. I looked into her clear eyes and saw her determination to do whatever she needed to do. She was on her last days and her breathing was so labored especially when she took off the oxygen.
Charlotte still believed a miracle could happen. She had faith and hope and surrounded by all who loved her, she was learning her greatest life lesson. She said to me, "I am finally learning to receive." Robert was sitting beside me and together we meditated with her and the peace and illumination of light filled us. We were in the womb of God's loving embrace, not knowing the future. She looked at me and said that she wasn't afraid to die only the panic of suffering.
Yesterday, I felt her leave. Maybe not her body fully yet. I felt her presence in nature while going for a walk as I spoke to her. She might have been visiting the other-side and checking it all out in the moments of sleep. The energy filled me and tears rolled down my face. Yet the pain of her leaving wasn't choking me. It was filling me up with an incredible love. I knew her children and family were around her. I had a plan to go to see her with Robert the next day, yet deep down inside I felt she was going to leave. I looked at the clock and it was around 6:00 pm. The feeling came back. I knew I wouldn't see her again. Yet, somehow I just didn't want to take that in. I went on cooking and being with myself, not wanting to go anywhere. My thoughts were with Charlotte and in my way, I believed I was with her. I was in a mindful, prayerful place.
Then I got the phone call from Robert, "Charlotte passed, surrounded by her family around 6:00 pm." As the tears flowed from my eyes, I was grateful she did not suffer. I cried as the tears opened me up. I cried because I won't be able to go and have that luncheon date we planned. I cried because I won't hear her laugh and hear the words of wisdom that would spill out of her. I cried because I loved her and in my short time on this earth with her, I knew she was a real friend. She was herself and shared her heart so easily. She wasn't afraid to engage in any conversation. It was intimate to be with someone like that and the quality of time with her was a lifetime of truth.
This woman was Robert's best friend and she was the one who brought us together. She was the one who sat beside him the first time he saw me. Charlotte was an angel here on this earth. She was an inspiration to many and just looking at her, you didn't see all she accomplished in helping serve our world. She was a doer. When her daughter died 20 years ago, she allowed life to move her into creating a foundation to send children to camp. Meeting her, you fell in love with yourself because she was pure love.
We leave our imprint on this earth. Just like if we laid upon the sand, there our form would be. Just like walking on the beach, our footprints would remain. Just like a flower blooming, it's fragrance would be left for us to take in. Just like the hug from a friend or a handshake, we feel the presence and experience the imprint of our life upon this world.

Nature reminds us to return to ourselves. To take good care of our state of being so that when we are filled up we can give from our fullness. Then when we go out into the world we can stay long enough to gaze into the eyes of another without having any agenda at all. Just to receive another and listen and hold them for that precious holy moment is sacred. We can't do it if we are continuing to run around and be distracted with saving the world or thinking in any way that we could fix it.
We are here to learn self-love. In receiving every part of our humanity, all the darkness and the lightness, we can stop judging and begin allowing life in.
In the middle of the night I woke up to feel Charlotte's presence, brilliantly shining in my room. She was so free and happy. My heart filled up with her spirit.
My friend Charlotte has been reborn into her fullness and as Spirit she sees how loved she is.
Her love shines through her imprint that was left on our hearts. She gave to this world selflessly. Now she is in the arms of her God and her darling daughter.
In the morning I decided to go to a restorative yoga class a block away. I call Cindy at Island Yoga Space and ask her if there is room. With a yes, I walk down the street with my yoga mat on my shoulder. Looking up at the clear blue sky I hear Charlotte's words that are echoing in my heart, " I am finally learning to receive."
I am finally learning to receive.
There is a balance between giving and receiving. Nature receives until it is so full then it bursts into giving us the fragrance and beauty of its presence.
It's springtime and Easter. A time of renewal and rebirth. A time to let go and breathe into all that I am.

This life is precious. I can open up and let myself take baby steps into the next moment. With this conscious nurturing, I can... we can flower in an instant.
Now open and bloom!

All my love

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