Let Us Be Grateful for Our Precious Life

"Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver 

 

Life is so very precious! I just spent time away in California to celebrate my grandson Theo's 1^stbirthday. How easy it is to be with him as I pause and become more present. He brings me into my heart without effort. I sit watching him. His big blue eyes and infectious laugh pulls me deeply inside where I let go of everything I think I need to do and just settle into the moment. Here in the living room I feel happy as a wave of peace enters me. I watch Theo try to walk, stumble, fall, cry, laugh and get up again and again.

 

As I ask myself how I choose to live my life right now, I breathe in and sit quietly. I meditate on the love, compassion and truth that is deeply inside of me now. With every heartbreak and unexpected experience that lifts my heart into joy, I can take a step into living what is next. Here I arrive, humbled to remember that in every moment, even if I stumble or fall, I have a choice to play, to sing, to open my eyes and feel the beauty of life that flows through. In this silence, everything that I need to know is revealed. 

What will I do with this one wild and precious life? 

Today, I settle into my heart and acknowledge how beautiful my family and friends are. Each one of you are like shining jewels in my life who have blessed my heart with kindness and sweet presence. When I stand in the sacred space that surrounds me, each breath and each touch, I will be mindful of all the details of my life and give thanks.

Step by step, moment by moment, breath by breath, 

I sense a quiet that embraces everything. 

I am the center of it all where everything is still.

I cannot find myself in those things of the world.

I pay attention to the language of Spirit.

I listen to the sweet sound of nothing.

This silence waits for me in between the words and ideas of my mind. 

My heart beats in this sacred place within my inner being. 

I can feel the touch of love that enters when I stay with me.

I surrender to this path that shines the light onto everything I do.

 

Namasté,

Frannie

Change as the All-Knowing Eye

Beauty and Love are as body and soul

Inexhaustible mine, and diamond- beyond price.

I loved his beauty and Love flamed from me.

I grew beautiful, Love whispered my name.

                                                                        -Rumi

 

We go along in our lives, one step at a time, one day at a time until, without warning, life takes a turn. It feels like a sudden slap in the face, or bonk on the head, or a subtle trembling deep inside that you can't put your finger on. You couldn't see it even if you had been warned because you trusted in the unfolding of your life so completely; trusted that in each moment you were taken care of. You couldn't receive it because it wasn't the time. This is the time; now is the time to open your eyes and your heart to the truth.

 

This moment, like a storm that comes out of nowhere on a perfectly sunny day, offers the opportunity to be grateful that you breathed into the warmth of the sun while it was there; that you could receive all it had to offer until it wasn't there anymore. Life happens and it doesn't always leave a good taste in your mouth. Sometimes the lingering blow, the change, the death of what was, shatters the illusions. Once broken, these illusions can dissolve and the clearing begins. The mind, so eager to give its opinions, its defenses, its logic, its story, begins to shout so loud until you surrender and let it all go. When you choose to move past the noise and insanity of the mind, you find the door to stillness. Here the quiet of the moment offers you a breath of fresh air. As you take it in, the space inside begins to soften its hold on the past and what was.      

 

I sit inside myself in the sweet aftermath of such a storm. As the light shines through the blinds in the kitchen, I take the bowl of soup and place it in front of me. The taste, the smell, the feel of this food, nurtures me. It is simply the moment giving to me the truth of what is, right here.

 

I feel my broken heart as I touch the profound feelings that are so raw inside. This ache draws me back into myself. Even though there is pain, I can meet it with compassion as I forgive myself and another for all the hurts experienced and caused. We are all human. Sometimes we miss the mark, other times we downright fail. Though we truly aren't perfect, we are all worthy to be loved and forgiven. In this moment, forgiveness is letting go of what was so that the ending can be a new beginning. This dark night of my soul lights my path back to this sacred journey of self-love.

 

No one is responsible for our happiness. If we allow ourselves to be dependent on anything or anyone in this way, it can turn into deep sorrow, shame, or regret. Within the arena of our own weakness, our intolerable guilt prevents us from taking responsibility. It obstructs our ability to see and to face our fears. When we become fearful, we can run or we can face the darkness and rise up. Blaming another for our pain takes us away from the truth that can set us free. We aren't here to be saved, nor are we here to save anyone. Every part of our humanness is part of the wholeness that is humanity. Accepting it all is easier said than done yet taking personal responsibility is necessary. Meeting yourself here is where true power lives.

Real happiness cannot be taken away by our darkness. The space within our heart is so vast, even more vast than the ever-changing sky. It is here that the incredible feelings of our unlovable and imperfect self are accepted and held in this presence. Everything is worthy to be here, and when we learn the lesson that our self-worth is not attached to another but is a part of this infinite love that is Divine, our heart will be broken wide open to allow rebirth into new life. As Franz Kafka says, "Everything you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form."

 

Change is constant, like the changing of seasons. Everything is temporary - people come in and out of our lives, the body has its ups and downs, the mind becomes obsessive and quiet, this world has calm waters and in the next moment, a Hurricane comes around the corner. Yet here, in the center of change is the all-knowing eye that sees with the heart that remembers that change can be beautiful!

Clearing Your Inner Path for Love to Bloom

"So come to the pond, or the river of your imagination, or the harbor of your longing. And put your lips to the world and live your life."- Mary Oliver

 

The gardens that have bloomed around me are exploding with colors. The birds are singing louder today as I watch a black bird scoop down on the patio in front of me, making a swooshing sound that gets my attention. The sky is covered with some clouds and the brilliant blue peeks through. I see like I am Dorothy waking up in Oz. I had cataract surgery a few weeks ago and the colors are breath taking. I am so grateful as I receive the aliveness of this day that awakens my inner senses and fills me with this beautiful feeling of belonging.  

 

I meet this day like an empty vessel. I am being filled by this spring day. This incredible way that nature reminds me to be in this solitude within as I keep company with my soul. This inner reality where I consciously begin to join with the rhythm of my own unique life within. Here I reacquaint myself consciously with the maternal, honoring and listening to my deepest needs.

 

The miracles are seen when I sit quiet for a while. Even though the loud sounds of the world begin to push on this private time, I lean in and get closer to the stillness in the center of myself. I begin to receive the miracle of this precious life. It wasn't easy going through the cataract surgery. I was high risk going into the operating room and surprised when I found out in the recovery room that the surgeon had to do an anterior vitrectomy. The healing process was more fragile because a few days later my retina did tear. The time to heal was a most precious gift. How grateful I am to have a partner, Robert, who holds me close and reminds me that all is well. My children who express to me their love in so many ways, gives me comfort as I witness the ways they take care of themselves. How proud I am to be their mother and now a Grandmother.

 

The gift of sight cannot be taken for granted as the beauty of the world fills me up with appreciation this day. It's Mother's Day weekend! I remember how brave my mother was when she lost her sight with macular degeneration. I remember all she had to touch within her own torment with Alzheimer's. I remember my mother today as I wipe from my memories all that seemed hard to watch as my heart opens compassionately to allow myself to melt into the deeply comforting energy of Divinity. This love nurtures and sustains me as I retreat inside my heart.  

 

I bow to you my mother as my inner sight gently touches her as I begin to see clearly the opening within. I begin to see how my mother would do the Russian dance and fall and laugh as she told stories of being woken up in the night while visiting her native land Czech Republic and in her night gown had to dance for the soldiers. I begin to laugh at some of her jokes that she would repeat through her life. I see these moments where my mother sang her polish favorites and cooked cabbage rolls, pierogi's and many other delicious food, always creating a beautiful home. She loved her children and grandchildren and cherished her moments to play with them and do art projects, dressing up and going shopping. How one life could be such a teacher for my own mothering! I celebrate my mother's life and how I learned to love the feminine spirit within me that is home inside my own heart always waiting to take care of me.

 

While I am writing these words, my daughter Lane Facetimes and there on the screen of my computer is my 6-month-old grandson Theo, smiling and laughing. The picture I see of him gazing at his mother brings me into this precious moment honoring my daughter Lane, who is a great, wise and loving new mom. 

 

Happy Mother's Day to you all! 

May we celebrate the gift of our birth and this life that has been given to us.

 

All my love,

Frannie 

Living Awake, Moment by Moment

"You are the sky. Everything else- it's the weather." - Pema Chodron

 

            Sometimes, in a heartbeat, our lives can turn upside down. Change can enter like a tornado bringing us the struggles and challenges that can humble us and move us to fall on our knees, asking for help.

            I found myself filled with emotion the other night when I woke up and walked into the living room in the darkness of the night. The intense feeling, like a tsunami came pushing through me as I fell on the couch, crying uncontrollable tears. The suffering of our humanity is pushing on my heart as I hold myself in this release. How grateful I am to empty this heart of mine that called me to surrender once again. Letting the tears flow, the crying just knows what to do. Empty of these feelings, I rest in this space where I become full of a peace that is truly beyond my own understanding. My emptiness brings calmness to every part of me. I rest on the couch in the early morning dawn, knowing that the suffering of our world is felt within. I am surrendered. Nothing to control. Why do I ever think that control would ever set me free? My past losses showed me how to be fully alive. I do not want to ever throw away the chances to love now.

            Life itself seems to humble me again and again as it moves me to my inner-life. Without love or compassion or even truth, it does not matter if I have all the needs of my physical life met and comforts of my daily living all in tack. If my love light is dim and I'm waiting for money in the bank to take care of myself, I realize that the generosity of love and compassion is all that is needed to keep me fully alive. And then "I go out and make the donuts." Being a counselor is my career but loving compassion is my purpose. It comes from my own inner focus to hold myself just where I am, flawed and fabulous. In this acceptance of my inner self, I can be conscious as I breathe. The veils seem to lift where I am awake. It is here in God's mind where I am fully free. The attachments to this world will never make me truly happy.

            I remember the feeling I had, lying beside my 4-month-old grandson as he looked right into my eyes. He touched my face and pulled me closer as I kissed his cheek. He begins to laugh the way when you are tickled, and you can't stop it if you tried. It's contagious. I laughed with him and he looked deeply into my eyes with a sparkle that lights up my heart. It's as if I can see the whole world through his gaze. Pure joy filled the moment as his whole-body giggled. Now, just thinking about it, the feeling of happiness softens the sadness, despair or depression that ever was. All the fears and worries wash away. It seems to dissolve any toxic emotion or anxiety and there is a deep connection to real- life right here, right now. No medicine is better than laughing from the belly and little Theo brings me to it so naturally. 

            My friend David Sears let go into the Divine presence, Feb. 8^th, 2019, in the early morning. His focus was on the life that continues beyond the body, the transition into the sweetest embrace of Spirit. In his last days, he welcomed death as he welcomed you into his breath. Even though his body was filled with cancer, he said, "it is all wonderful!" I witnessed him as he let his heart wrap around the mystery as if he was having a love affair with his own transition. His commitment to conscious dying brought me into conscious living.

            I sit at the restaurant with my friend and my dog as I watch a little bird coming up to Mollie as she plays with this new friend. A little bird, so joyously hopping around like hide and seek. I feel inside my heart, it's David, my friend, my teacher of living life in love till his transition. "Be happy, be happy- it's wonderful! I hear it inside my mind. If he could, he would shine his spirit through this world to say hi. He loved my Mollie so much that he went out and got his puppy, Sweet Pea.

            David was living awake moment by moment before he slipped out of his body. He modeled for me that I have the choice to let go each day of the attachments to this world of form. To live in the presence of the Divine is like sinking into the deepest ocean of well- being. Here is where we are called to be.

            Happiness is our birthright. When we are in harmony inside, independent of the chaotic conditions outside, truly our minds have let go of interpreting the experience. We just begin to move into the flow of life as it is. The grieving heart takes a break; we make a choice to take off the heavy garments of sadness and sorrow and look in the eyes of this world like a beautiful spring day calling us forth to play. We let go and surrender to the moment at hand where we can walk into a new state of being and in the meantime just get outside and go for a walk.           

          I am deeply guided as my inward focus brings me into my intuitive nature where I embrace it all. It's more than just understanding it with my head. My heart feels the experience of living fully. I look up at the clear blue sky as a new world inside of me is being created.

 

Be awake as you reach into what is here.

Let go and be love now.

 

Blessings and Love, 

Frannie