Look Within- A Brand New Year to Fall in Love with Life

"When you give thanks for what you already have, the corresponding manifestation is to expand and increase what you have. When you give thanks for what you don't have, as if you already had it, the corresponding manifestation is to attract and create it into your life." -Mike Dooley

 

Ram Dass died December 22, 2019. He was one of my teachers. He had a near-fatal stroke over 20 years ago that paralyzed him and hampered his speaking ability. It took away his freedom in his body, but it allowed him to become more compassionate and humble. He continued to reach deeper into his soul and allowed and received his God image as he shared love till his last breath.

He says in Be Here Now, one of his books and for me, a favorite,"Early in the journey you wonder how long the journey will take and whether you will make it in this lifetime. Later you will see that where you are going is HERE and you will arrive NOW... so you stop asking."His teachings, and through his living, he demonstrated that every situation in life is for God to use to do good. In his later years, he focused on aging and dying without fear.

Doors close all the time. Doors open all the time. Life presents us with one opportunity after another. And when you look at your cup as half full instead of half empty, you might see ten thousand ways to walk through these openings. Life brings all kinds of loss in different ways. As we work our way down life's path, gratitude helps to soften the blows and lighten the load of the burdens carried; even when we stumble and fall and as broken dreams stop us in our tracks.

            

All of life is sacred. When you can accept it, just as it is, you open a space to find the good in it. Through moments of contemplation and meditation, I can become so anchored inside my inner being that when the feeling of fear rises-up in the present moment, I can see where my mind is attached and then I can let it pass on by, just like the weather. It's the grasping that creates suffering. When I recognize what I am attached to, I can free myself from even the most difficult situations. How easy it is to let the negative mind get into a loop that keeps us stuck in the fear of what is instead of participating in the flow of life. The soul just accepts it without pushing it away.

            

The first step is to express these indwelling thoughts of negativity whatever way it works for you and to decide to feel good by being grateful in this present moment. Think of gratitude as a present that gets unwrapped the moment it is given. It's time to start living your dreams now as you fall in love with yourself and your life. 

Wishing you all a Happy New Year!

Namasté,

Frannie

Let Us Be Grateful for Our Precious Life

"Tell me, what do you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" -Mary Oliver 

 

Life is so very precious! I just spent time away in California to celebrate my grandson Theo's 1^stbirthday. How easy it is to be with him as I pause and become more present. He brings me into my heart without effort. I sit watching him. His big blue eyes and infectious laugh pulls me deeply inside where I let go of everything I think I need to do and just settle into the moment. Here in the living room I feel happy as a wave of peace enters me. I watch Theo try to walk, stumble, fall, cry, laugh and get up again and again.

 

As I ask myself how I choose to live my life right now, I breathe in and sit quietly. I meditate on the love, compassion and truth that is deeply inside of me now. With every heartbreak and unexpected experience that lifts my heart into joy, I can take a step into living what is next. Here I arrive, humbled to remember that in every moment, even if I stumble or fall, I have a choice to play, to sing, to open my eyes and feel the beauty of life that flows through. In this silence, everything that I need to know is revealed. 

What will I do with this one wild and precious life? 

Today, I settle into my heart and acknowledge how beautiful my family and friends are. Each one of you are like shining jewels in my life who have blessed my heart with kindness and sweet presence. When I stand in the sacred space that surrounds me, each breath and each touch, I will be mindful of all the details of my life and give thanks.

Step by step, moment by moment, breath by breath, 

I sense a quiet that embraces everything. 

I am the center of it all where everything is still.

I cannot find myself in those things of the world.

I pay attention to the language of Spirit.

I listen to the sweet sound of nothing.

This silence waits for me in between the words and ideas of my mind. 

My heart beats in this sacred place within my inner being. 

I can feel the touch of love that enters when I stay with me.

I surrender to this path that shines the light onto everything I do.

 

Namasté,

Frannie

Change as the All-Knowing Eye

Beauty and Love are as body and soul

Inexhaustible mine, and diamond- beyond price.

I loved his beauty and Love flamed from me.

I grew beautiful, Love whispered my name.

                                                                        -Rumi

 

We go along in our lives, one step at a time, one day at a time until, without warning, life takes a turn. It feels like a sudden slap in the face, or bonk on the head, or a subtle trembling deep inside that you can't put your finger on. You couldn't see it even if you had been warned because you trusted in the unfolding of your life so completely; trusted that in each moment you were taken care of. You couldn't receive it because it wasn't the time. This is the time; now is the time to open your eyes and your heart to the truth.

 

This moment, like a storm that comes out of nowhere on a perfectly sunny day, offers the opportunity to be grateful that you breathed into the warmth of the sun while it was there; that you could receive all it had to offer until it wasn't there anymore. Life happens and it doesn't always leave a good taste in your mouth. Sometimes the lingering blow, the change, the death of what was, shatters the illusions. Once broken, these illusions can dissolve and the clearing begins. The mind, so eager to give its opinions, its defenses, its logic, its story, begins to shout so loud until you surrender and let it all go. When you choose to move past the noise and insanity of the mind, you find the door to stillness. Here the quiet of the moment offers you a breath of fresh air. As you take it in, the space inside begins to soften its hold on the past and what was.      

 

I sit inside myself in the sweet aftermath of such a storm. As the light shines through the blinds in the kitchen, I take the bowl of soup and place it in front of me. The taste, the smell, the feel of this food, nurtures me. It is simply the moment giving to me the truth of what is, right here.

 

I feel my broken heart as I touch the profound feelings that are so raw inside. This ache draws me back into myself. Even though there is pain, I can meet it with compassion as I forgive myself and another for all the hurts experienced and caused. We are all human. Sometimes we miss the mark, other times we downright fail. Though we truly aren't perfect, we are all worthy to be loved and forgiven. In this moment, forgiveness is letting go of what was so that the ending can be a new beginning. This dark night of my soul lights my path back to this sacred journey of self-love.

 

No one is responsible for our happiness. If we allow ourselves to be dependent on anything or anyone in this way, it can turn into deep sorrow, shame, or regret. Within the arena of our own weakness, our intolerable guilt prevents us from taking responsibility. It obstructs our ability to see and to face our fears. When we become fearful, we can run or we can face the darkness and rise up. Blaming another for our pain takes us away from the truth that can set us free. We aren't here to be saved, nor are we here to save anyone. Every part of our humanness is part of the wholeness that is humanity. Accepting it all is easier said than done yet taking personal responsibility is necessary. Meeting yourself here is where true power lives.

Real happiness cannot be taken away by our darkness. The space within our heart is so vast, even more vast than the ever-changing sky. It is here that the incredible feelings of our unlovable and imperfect self are accepted and held in this presence. Everything is worthy to be here, and when we learn the lesson that our self-worth is not attached to another but is a part of this infinite love that is Divine, our heart will be broken wide open to allow rebirth into new life. As Franz Kafka says, "Everything you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form."

 

Change is constant, like the changing of seasons. Everything is temporary - people come in and out of our lives, the body has its ups and downs, the mind becomes obsessive and quiet, this world has calm waters and in the next moment, a Hurricane comes around the corner. Yet here, in the center of change is the all-knowing eye that sees with the heart that remembers that change can be beautiful!

Clearing Your Inner Path for Love to Bloom

"So come to the pond, or the river of your imagination, or the harbor of your longing. And put your lips to the world and live your life."- Mary Oliver

 

The gardens that have bloomed around me are exploding with colors. The birds are singing louder today as I watch a black bird scoop down on the patio in front of me, making a swooshing sound that gets my attention. The sky is covered with some clouds and the brilliant blue peeks through. I see like I am Dorothy waking up in Oz. I had cataract surgery a few weeks ago and the colors are breath taking. I am so grateful as I receive the aliveness of this day that awakens my inner senses and fills me with this beautiful feeling of belonging.  

 

I meet this day like an empty vessel. I am being filled by this spring day. This incredible way that nature reminds me to be in this solitude within as I keep company with my soul. This inner reality where I consciously begin to join with the rhythm of my own unique life within. Here I reacquaint myself consciously with the maternal, honoring and listening to my deepest needs.

 

The miracles are seen when I sit quiet for a while. Even though the loud sounds of the world begin to push on this private time, I lean in and get closer to the stillness in the center of myself. I begin to receive the miracle of this precious life. It wasn't easy going through the cataract surgery. I was high risk going into the operating room and surprised when I found out in the recovery room that the surgeon had to do an anterior vitrectomy. The healing process was more fragile because a few days later my retina did tear. The time to heal was a most precious gift. How grateful I am to have a partner, Robert, who holds me close and reminds me that all is well. My children who express to me their love in so many ways, gives me comfort as I witness the ways they take care of themselves. How proud I am to be their mother and now a Grandmother.

 

The gift of sight cannot be taken for granted as the beauty of the world fills me up with appreciation this day. It's Mother's Day weekend! I remember how brave my mother was when she lost her sight with macular degeneration. I remember all she had to touch within her own torment with Alzheimer's. I remember my mother today as I wipe from my memories all that seemed hard to watch as my heart opens compassionately to allow myself to melt into the deeply comforting energy of Divinity. This love nurtures and sustains me as I retreat inside my heart.  

 

I bow to you my mother as my inner sight gently touches her as I begin to see clearly the opening within. I begin to see how my mother would do the Russian dance and fall and laugh as she told stories of being woken up in the night while visiting her native land Czech Republic and in her night gown had to dance for the soldiers. I begin to laugh at some of her jokes that she would repeat through her life. I see these moments where my mother sang her polish favorites and cooked cabbage rolls, pierogi's and many other delicious food, always creating a beautiful home. She loved her children and grandchildren and cherished her moments to play with them and do art projects, dressing up and going shopping. How one life could be such a teacher for my own mothering! I celebrate my mother's life and how I learned to love the feminine spirit within me that is home inside my own heart always waiting to take care of me.

 

While I am writing these words, my daughter Lane Facetimes and there on the screen of my computer is my 6-month-old grandson Theo, smiling and laughing. The picture I see of him gazing at his mother brings me into this precious moment honoring my daughter Lane, who is a great, wise and loving new mom. 

 

Happy Mother's Day to you all! 

May we celebrate the gift of our birth and this life that has been given to us.

 

All my love,

Frannie 

Living Awake, Moment by Moment

"You are the sky. Everything else- it's the weather." - Pema Chodron

 

            Sometimes, in a heartbeat, our lives can turn upside down. Change can enter like a tornado bringing us the struggles and challenges that can humble us and move us to fall on our knees, asking for help.

            I found myself filled with emotion the other night when I woke up and walked into the living room in the darkness of the night. The intense feeling, like a tsunami came pushing through me as I fell on the couch, crying uncontrollable tears. The suffering of our humanity is pushing on my heart as I hold myself in this release. How grateful I am to empty this heart of mine that called me to surrender once again. Letting the tears flow, the crying just knows what to do. Empty of these feelings, I rest in this space where I become full of a peace that is truly beyond my own understanding. My emptiness brings calmness to every part of me. I rest on the couch in the early morning dawn, knowing that the suffering of our world is felt within. I am surrendered. Nothing to control. Why do I ever think that control would ever set me free? My past losses showed me how to be fully alive. I do not want to ever throw away the chances to love now.

            Life itself seems to humble me again and again as it moves me to my inner-life. Without love or compassion or even truth, it does not matter if I have all the needs of my physical life met and comforts of my daily living all in tack. If my love light is dim and I'm waiting for money in the bank to take care of myself, I realize that the generosity of love and compassion is all that is needed to keep me fully alive. And then "I go out and make the donuts." Being a counselor is my career but loving compassion is my purpose. It comes from my own inner focus to hold myself just where I am, flawed and fabulous. In this acceptance of my inner self, I can be conscious as I breathe. The veils seem to lift where I am awake. It is here in God's mind where I am fully free. The attachments to this world will never make me truly happy.

            I remember the feeling I had, lying beside my 4-month-old grandson as he looked right into my eyes. He touched my face and pulled me closer as I kissed his cheek. He begins to laugh the way when you are tickled, and you can't stop it if you tried. It's contagious. I laughed with him and he looked deeply into my eyes with a sparkle that lights up my heart. It's as if I can see the whole world through his gaze. Pure joy filled the moment as his whole-body giggled. Now, just thinking about it, the feeling of happiness softens the sadness, despair or depression that ever was. All the fears and worries wash away. It seems to dissolve any toxic emotion or anxiety and there is a deep connection to real- life right here, right now. No medicine is better than laughing from the belly and little Theo brings me to it so naturally. 

            My friend David Sears let go into the Divine presence, Feb. 8^th, 2019, in the early morning. His focus was on the life that continues beyond the body, the transition into the sweetest embrace of Spirit. In his last days, he welcomed death as he welcomed you into his breath. Even though his body was filled with cancer, he said, "it is all wonderful!" I witnessed him as he let his heart wrap around the mystery as if he was having a love affair with his own transition. His commitment to conscious dying brought me into conscious living.

            I sit at the restaurant with my friend and my dog as I watch a little bird coming up to Mollie as she plays with this new friend. A little bird, so joyously hopping around like hide and seek. I feel inside my heart, it's David, my friend, my teacher of living life in love till his transition. "Be happy, be happy- it's wonderful! I hear it inside my mind. If he could, he would shine his spirit through this world to say hi. He loved my Mollie so much that he went out and got his puppy, Sweet Pea.

            David was living awake moment by moment before he slipped out of his body. He modeled for me that I have the choice to let go each day of the attachments to this world of form. To live in the presence of the Divine is like sinking into the deepest ocean of well- being. Here is where we are called to be.

            Happiness is our birthright. When we are in harmony inside, independent of the chaotic conditions outside, truly our minds have let go of interpreting the experience. We just begin to move into the flow of life as it is. The grieving heart takes a break; we make a choice to take off the heavy garments of sadness and sorrow and look in the eyes of this world like a beautiful spring day calling us forth to play. We let go and surrender to the moment at hand where we can walk into a new state of being and in the meantime just get outside and go for a walk.           

          I am deeply guided as my inward focus brings me into my intuitive nature where I embrace it all. It's more than just understanding it with my head. My heart feels the experience of living fully. I look up at the clear blue sky as a new world inside of me is being created.

 

Be awake as you reach into what is here.

Let go and be love now.

 

Blessings and Love, 

Frannie

Miracle on 12th Street

I hear him waking up in the other room. His sounds stir in me an excitement to begin this Christmas morning, bathed in the reflection of his presence. Theo, my 2 month old grandson has brought so much joy and laughter into this house on 12th street. This holiday time spent here at my daughter and son in laws home in California with my family has been filled with the miracle of new life.

To watch this precious baby boy’s face as he sees the world all around him. He reaches for the toys hanging in front of him as he opens his fists for the first time. His legs moving to the sounds of Uncle Luke’s original song, Jambalaya of Love that Theo has heard since he was in the womb or the bursts of laughter that come out of this little baby as he screams for joy seeing the face of his mother or father. Then Auntie Mena arrives and the look on his face is of a love that is timeless as she sings the song written just for him. 

Little Theo lifts his hand up to his face for the very first time and stares with a look of wonder. Walking in the park with him as he lays in the pram gazing up at the trees and the blue skies- this first glance at this incredible nature mirroring to him the beauty of creation. I push him up and down the boardwalk as I look at his perfect face- what is he thinking as he sees the birds flying above him. I can’t get enough of him as I look at his smiles that light up my heart. Such a miracle this new life is as my heart fills with so much love that comes so freely in this moment that seems to last for eternity.

It’s a Christmas like no other. I remember my children as babies, yet I know I wasn’t as present as I am at this time of my life. There are moments that I think to myself, “I wish I knew then what I know now, how much easier life would have been.” My daughter is a great mother and Rob so comfortable as a dad. I watch them as they naturally take care of this bundle of pure love.

The mystery of life continues to humble me as I take in all these miracles that are constantly showing me how the spirit of Christmas can live in my heart everyday if I let it. Each day we have an opportunity to renew our sense of the sacred. There are signs of love reaching to touch our hearts where ever we are, as this light is shining in everything we do. 

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to you all!
May Peace fill your hearts each moment of this new year!

Blessings and Love,
Nannie Frannie

New Life

On this day when all you can feel is the breath of love

She believed she could and so she did

Time stands still, as I watch my daughter give birth

She is a Warrior Mama with strength and courage to bring him forth

This Divine Miracle with Father calm by her side

I stand in your presence, little one

I see your face 

As you come into the world

My tears are flowing as the love gushes 

You are the light of my heart

I am in love

 

A bird is screeching. I am pulled out of where I am, listening to its message. I hear him announcing the arrival of this baby boy. I hear the excitement of nature singing her praises of this day. Such a beautiful opportunity to renew our sense of the sacred. There is so much innocence and beauty to be born as I gently move my attention to my heart. I am not missing a thing! Each day, hour by hour, moment by moment, here with my daughter Lane and her husband Rob, is a blessing.

             

It's quite the day! The sun beating down on our bodies as the waves crash towards the shoreline. The birds soaring over the mountain top. I watch and listen to nature being itself. Always the healer and giving me the peace that is beyond all understanding. 

             

My daughter is ready to give birth any day! We sit at the beach as she reads her journal pages to me. She started writing to Theo (baby in utero) since the beginning of this pregnancy. These beautiful words and thoughts she reads to Rob and I, are her inner most feelings about this journey she is on, bringing this precious child into the world. 

             

Another day comes and goes. It's already 10 days after his due date. Choosing to take joy in, I watch Lane move to the music as if she were on a stage, moving her body like a ballerina. The music seems to infuse strength into her limbs and every movement is effortless. Dancing to the songs that feed her soul as every motion is the expression of her deep love for her unborn child. Rob is filming this sacred dance as my eyes fill up with tears. So, cherished are these intimate moments before the birth. It's such a mystery to know when he will arrive. 

             

In the wee hours of the dawn, still dark outside, I wake up remembering my dream. My deceased husband Steve visited. In the dream, Lane is sitting in front of Steve. He is not speaking but his body language shows his excitement. Light illuminates his presence. She bends over to him and kisses his lips and a card, all folded up passes from his lips to hers. She takes the card and unfolds it very slowly, like it is a treasure and it says, "Hi Mama, I can't wait to be in your arms." Spirit speaks the celestial message from beyond.

Another day goes by as we carry on. I go to a yoga class and in the silent place within the pose I honor my urge to check my phone. I see the text from Lane, "my water broke, come home now!" I'm out in a flash and walking quickly down the busy street back to their home, wanting to tell every person passing by that my daughter is about to give birth. I am bursting with joy. The moment has come.

             

At 5:23 am on October 23rd, I witness my daughter giving birth. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. Her courage to move through it all naturally as peace became her mantra on this intimate adventure to motherhood was captivating. Her husband, her rock, speaking words from his heart transporting her to her safe place within. I stand in awe of the miracle of birth as I am aware of the presence that permeates the room. Then I see him. So, tiny with so much strength to come into our world. He is put on Lane's chest as we all cry with his first sound of life. Theo has arrived!

             

A couple of days after his birth, I hold him in my arms. We dance to the music that Theo listened to while he was in Lane's womb. As I gaze into his eyes, I remember this love.

He smiles and those dimples he has are kisses from Steve.

 

I love being his Nannie Frannie...

 

 

Welcome to our world my beautiful grandson, Theo Steven!

 

Namasté, 

Frannie